November 26, 2014

  • winepicnovember2014

    It’s In The Glass . . . by Joel Mann, Staff Wine (And Beer) Tasting Guy

    Beverage producers spend a great deal of thought and effort into making the best tasting drink possible. Brewers source just the right hops. Winemakers fuss over the proper ripeness in the vineyard. Distillers concern themselves with the proper moment to cut the heads and tails coming off the still. There’s aging, blending, packaging decisions, and even fussing about the proper temperature to store and serve everything. One of the least emphasized aspects of the final flavor, but one that has a noticeable impact, is the glass itself. The size, shape, and general condition of the glassware used to serve your…

  • page13pic2november2014

    Some Signs Of Our Times . . .

      Related posts: No related posts.

  • doodlebug

    No News from Doodlebug Island . . . by William F. Jordan

    As if enduring the remodeling that has swept Doodlebug Island were not enough—dust, debris, and inconvenience—we husbands are now being asked to tour the newly created masterpieces our wives have created, where, by implied but nevertheless implicit expectation, we are being given the opportunity to pronounce the changes way past due, very much worth the cost, and encompassing perfection itself. Now, this is not on any great order of difficulty for us old timers, for we have had the practice of several prior remodelings to guide us. Newly minted husbands might stumble, understandably. In my own home, everything is white…

  • bishoppicnovember2014

    Stress Secrets Revealed . . . By Bishop, Special Excentric Winter Tryout

    Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. ——N. Goldberg Emergencies are everywhere! No one really knows how many emergencies have been declared since World War II, so it is little wonder that citizens feel wrapped in blankets of stress. Concoctions of all sorts have been bottled and canned to alleviate various nerve-wracking stress conditions, but so far, none seemed to have worked. Whatever the potion, neighbors still fear other neighbors, and run hot over any hint of hearing jazz music in the air after dark. In the hunt for treatments, one fell into my lap,…

  • kentuckyguynovember2014

    Weasel Words . . . by Joseph G. Evrard, Staff Kentuckian

    Television news now follows a strict format that cannot be violated. There a certain number of standard phrases, which MUST be included in every newscast. The subject matter may change slightly from day to day, but the basic format remains the same. See if you don’t agree… Experts say… When was the last time you heard the news anchor report a story and wrap it up with “Experts say this trend is likely to continue.” Or, Experts say the sky will remain blue unless it changes.” Or, Experts say “most people prefer breathing to not breathing.” I’ll bet the last…

insidepicnovember2014

INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman

Nov 8, 2014

HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH NEWS: A bank robber who stopped during his escape to bum a cigarette off a construction worker has been sentenced to 10 years in prison by a federal judge in Pittsburgh. The man’s attorney argued his client has had a life-long problem with alcohol and should get a shorter term. The man’s addictions seem to have caught up with him. smoking really can be hazardous to your health – and freedom. ILL GOTTEN BOOTY NEWS: A man from Swansea, Wales, was accused of stealing more than 40,000 pounds ($64,000) from the bank account of an elderly…

Curmudgeondecember2013

Curmudgeon Corner . . .

Nov 8, 2014

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: TRAVEL “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.” Mark Twain “The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.” Saint Augustine “To get away from one’s working environment is, in a sense, to get away from…

bigpicpage12november2014

They’re Here . . .

Nov 8, 2014

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at new forms extraterrestrial visitors may be embodying. As little to no evidence has emerged among all the hoopla that alines are residing on planet Earth, proponents of claims that stellar travelers have settled here have shifted from little green or gray human-like forms to that of domestic animals. Proof is offered in this photograph captured by a believer that his newly adopted canine is, in fact, a vessel for a Pleiadian Star System Inter-stellar Commander. His “dog” Atlantis, is shown here conducting a mind meld with his daughter, Lemuria, who seems…

typpicnovember2014

Typical Excentric Reader

Nov 8, 2014

This month’s typical Excentric Reader is Pam Hopkins, shown here on vacation in Maxatlan holding her favorite paper. With her Sedona Excentric in hand, Pam poses at a courtyard at an outdoor mall. In the background is a man holding a sign that reads, “Official Taxi For Hire.” Pam couldn’t have picked a better spot than in front of Mazatlan’s only official taxi, in case she and her companion had the need to make an official getaway. Mazatlan is a stop for many cruises, which perhaps brought Pam there. Thanks, Pam. Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader George Buchanan Typical Excentric…

doug1pic

Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

Nov 8, 2014

THE BEST My grandpa told me, long ago, He’d had a talk with God! I quickly raised my eyebrows and Declared ol’ Gramps a fraud! “I see you don’t believe me, boy, You think I’ve lost my mind! But God has time for folks like me Who’ve fallen far behind. “In fact, He has a special spot For those who’ve lost their game; He takes a special interest in The folks who take the blame! “In failure I was writhing–in Self-loathing and disgust! Through gagging tears I asked my Lord If I’d betrayed his trust.” “I’ve watched you do your…

isis

KOZMIK KORNER BY LUSH GUMBALL

Nov 8, 2014

Q: I read a story about a guy who stayed in a low-cost motel while traveling on business. It was provided by the person who hired him, not one he would have selected. Immediately after checking in, he experienced lights flickering on and off, the television changes channels without a remote and yelling from an adjacent vacant room. His phone didn’t work, so he couldn’t call anyone. He couldn’t even check out because nobody was at the office. Was he just a victim of cruddy lodging or could this place have been haunted? A: Could be both. Sounds like he…

bigpic1page6november2014

When You Gotta Go . . .

Nov 8, 2014

It’s all in how you look at things. From the vantage point of this photographer, one would be left to think you need climb over the brick wall to gain access to the private facilities. Some visitors to Sedona have complained about using the porta-potties at the arts and crafts shows at the corner of Saddlerock Circle and SR89A. Clearly, they are far better off than being stranded along the Great Wall of China. In fact, after observing this sign of relief offered by the Chinese government, some are reconsidering the naming of the wall. Perhaps it’s not so great…

page6picnovember2014

One Man One Vote. . . by Will Durst, Excentric Contributor

Nov 8, 2014

Whiners. Bounders. Ingrates. Talking about the incessant griping and sniping currently buzzing over long overdue Republican reforms requiring citizens to produce a government issued ID before casting a vote. From the outcry you’d think the GOP was organizing competitive kitten clubbings. Again. Oh for crum’s sakes, settle down people. It’s just an ID. You need one to fly or buy or ply or even take out a library book. What is wrong with insuring the integrity of the electoral process? This isn’t voter suppression, it’s voter protection. Which is why in the great state of Texas, it’s easier to buy…

page3pic1november2014

Not So Happy Halloween. . .

Nov 8, 2014

While most pumpkins were busy adorning porches and decks to entertain neighborhood trick or treaters, these jack-o-lanterns were displaying some seriously bad behavior during All Hallows Eve. One of the American native winter squash had at least one too many beers with the result being and eruption of involuntarily spewed seeds and filling. A well behaved pumpkin would not only have provided entertainment to Halloween revelers, but also yielded its filling for pumpkin pies and seeds for salad toppings. Next year, the owners of this house are going plastic. Related posts: Cheap Halloween Happy Holidays–It’s Not as Bad as It…

page2picnovember2014

An Excentric Look Into The Future . . .

Nov 8, 2014

In December, our staff takes a look at the strange places people go to achieve some privacy. Few people are fortunate enough to have a space of their own they can retreat to in order to get away from it all. One man was digitally captured seeking some alone time to read his daily newspaper. With family visiting and every room occupied by someone doing something, the only place he could seek solace was atop his chimney cap on his home’s roof. While amused by the idea of squatting on a chimney cap to read a paper, we were disappointed…

insidepicoctober2014

Inside The News . . .

Oct 14, 2014

SHADOWY NEWS: A groundhog died after being handled and then dropped by New York City Mayor, Bill de Blazio during this year’s Staten Island Zoo Groundhog Day ceremony. First, the groundhog was not the regular groundhog, Chuck but a stand-in named Charlotte, who saw her shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. Perhaps the people running the zoo should realize groundhogs are wild rodents and not pets or playthings. MUTANT NINJA NEWS: A Canadian man has been charged after border agents at the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel found more than 50 turtles strapped to his body and hidden between his legs. The…

Curmudgeondecember2013

Oct 13, 2014

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: ANGER “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” Ambrose Bierce “Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.” Anonymous “All angry persons are to be treated, by the prudent, as children.” Samuel Richardson “Whate’ers begun in anger ends in shame.”…

page13pic4october2014

Time To Show A Little More Respect . . .

Oct 11, 2014

Too often, it’s too easy to poke fun at our elder community. We need to spend more time listening to their stories and learning from them. They’re not about technological toys, but life. We need to learn more about love, traditions, compassion and priorities. If only we would take the time to listen to their stories of times gone by. While advancements are made technologically with every generation at a pace that is at times unfathomable, as humans, we benefit more from understanding our past than reinventing our future. Even Albert Einstein saw this dilemma when he said, “I fear…

bigpicpage12october2014

No More Rush to Judgement

Oct 10, 2014

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at the United State 113th Congress. Our staff began with looking at their current status. Congress is on vacation – AGAIN. They were in session 118 days through September. They voted on one or two items, held a few repetitive hearings on senseless topics and left for another vacation for more than a month after just returning from nearly a month off. Keeping in mind Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming and there are only 365 days in a year, they will end up showing up for less than half a year. The…

doug1pic

Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

Oct 10, 2014

INTELLIGENT LIFE They’re searching for pollution all Across the Universe Because, they say, all folks like us Commit the common curse Of spewing crap into the air And poisoning the ground, Enabling detection, so Those E.T.’s can be found, And, finally, lay to rest the search For higher forms of life, Whose brains, like ours, evolved and grew Behaviors that were rife With growing fat and lazy while Extracting coal and gas To fuel their stupid cars so they Could slouch there on their ass And motor to extinction through Stop lights all blinking red, So, by the time we…

kozmik korner

Kozmik Korner by lush Gumball

Oct 9, 2014

Q: I read articles recently about people who would be awakened in the middle of the night not being able to move for about a minute or so, panicking, heavy chest, and finding it hard to breathe. I told this to one of my friends at work and they said it was called “Old Hags Syndrom.” I had never heard of it and thought they were making it up, so I searched on my computer. Not only was it a medical condition, but there was a Facebook page dedicated to it. Has anyone written about this condition before? A: Regular…

bigpicpage6october2014

Big Picture Page

Oct 8, 2014

One needs to take special precautions when asking to have your back scratched. Here are a few simple and easy rules to follow. 1) Never, ever approach a stranger and request they lay their hands on any part of your body. If necessary, just scratch yourself, even when in public. If it is a body part that you can’t reach that itches, find the nearest tree or building corner. 2) When having your itch scratched, try to avoid groaning with pleasure or hollering with excitement like Meg Ryan during her orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. People tend to…

kentuckypic

Letter To The Editor. . . From Kentucky Gal

Oct 7, 2014

Good afternoon, Thom. Lazy, hot summer afternoon here. Been as hot as the Hinges of Hell the last couple of weeks with little to no rain.Glenn hasn’t mowed in nearly 6 weeks and the trees are dropping their leaves due to dryness rather than the possibility of oncoming fall weather. Mother Nature has had a real “attitude” this season. Our container gardening efforts paid off handsomely, along with several rows of Italian green beans and corn in the big garden in the back of the house. We ate fresh Italian green beans, corn, tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, eggplant, bell peppers,…

page3pic1october2014

American Scots Celebrate UK Vote . . .

Oct 3, 2014

Donning the official colors of his clan, this piper fills his bag with air and begins skirling with other pipers in uplifting unison at a gathering celebrating Scottish traditions. While some customs are ongoing, Scottish cuisine has recently been elevated from haggis to gourmet meet and vegetable dishes and the kilt is finding its way on the catwalk at nouveau riche fashion shows from New York to Paris. The piper in this photo didn’t miss a beat as his two boys made a concerted effort to distract him. The word is haggis is on the menu for tonight’s dinner. Related…

page2picoctober2014

Excentric Look into The Future

Oct 3, 2014

In November, our staff takes a look at automobile repairs performed by owners. Rather than pay professionals to replace their bumpers, car owners are rummaging through the scrap yards, pulling out the old bungee cords, duct tape and super glue and hitting the roads again. Keep your distance. Looking around the country, our staff has observed a noticeable increase in wood paneling on motor vehicles. This is not the kind your grandpa used to have on the sides of his station wagon, but more a display of plywood and particle boards designed to hold their vehicles together. Related posts: An…

astro

Horoscopes for November 16-22, 2014

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) Once again, things will take a turn for the worse in November. And, once again, you will blame everything on a co-worker, a neighbor, a relative or a pet. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Your Halloween costume was such a big hit at the office party, you will think it fun to wear it once a month. Others will think cross-dressing is more disturbing. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You will find that the older you get, the more you want to take a nap in the late afternoon. For most government workers,…

astro

Horoscopes for November 9-15, 2014

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) You’ll learn of Festivus, dash out to find an undecorated aluminum pole and spaghetti, practice wrestling and airing your grievances. You’ve never been so happy. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) December is traditionally a month for celebrating friends and family members home. Your family, resembling the Grizwalds, will hit the casinos for days. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You’ll start wearing a large silver cross around your neck after Christmas. Everyone will think you found religion. Little will they know, you just found the cross. CANCER (June 21 – July 22) Chanukah, Christmas,…

horoscope

Astrology For The Weak . . .

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) You could waste the whole month thinking about work, but what would that get you? Take time to daydream, stare out the window, think about your new job. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) You voted. But, the one you cast you ballot for lost. What to do? Take matters into your own hands and secede from your neighborhood or go on an eating strike. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) Still reeling from that Halloween party? You started out as Robin Hood and woke up in a Shirley Temple dress. You’ll need the…

astro

Horoscopes for November 2-8, 2014

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) Your Halloween costume was such a big hit at the office party, you will think it fun to wear it once a month. Others will think cross-dressing is more disturbing. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) You will find that the older you get, the more you want to take a nap in the late afternoon. For most government workers, this is fine, but not for taxi drivers. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You will recall your parents saying “Your day will come.” Well, it’s coming this month. If not this month, soon. But mark my words,…

astro

Horoscopes for October 26-November 1, 2014

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) In October, you may be of two minds about something. This will come as a great relief. Until this October, you were of three or more minds about most things. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) You going to fall in love with yourself all over again this October. Like before, you will get along well for a while, then fight, leading to a painful breakup. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) Some forecasts show that your fashion choices, your musical taste and your overall style have everyone buzzing with admiration. Other forecasts say…

horoscope

Astrology for the Weak

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) You could have a great time getting a huge amount of satisfying work done this month. Or, you could just as easily be satisfied sitting around and doing nothing. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) All the positive energy generated by the celestial atmosphere will come together as you experience a rush of sensuality this month. Try to share it with someone. PISCES (March 20 – April 18) As autumn begins, you will consider taking up a creative new hobby. Watching the leaves fall from your oversized chaise lounge does not count as a…

astro

Horoscopes for October 12-18, 2014

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) You will find happiness in October. Unfortunately, this will happen right before you lose your keys, your mate, your job and finally your sense of self respect. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) People say they can tell a lot about a person from their handshake. While you may want to strengthen yours, you will definitely want to get rid of the curtsy. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You will describe yourself as a take charge kind of person. You will be more successful when you are also a take cash and checks kind…

astro

Horoscopes for October 5-11, 2014

CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) You going to fall in love with yourself all over again this October. Like before, you will get along well for a while, then fight, leading to a painful breakup. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) Some forecasts show that your fashion choices, your musical taste and your overall style have everyone buzzing with admiration. Other forecasts say “nah.” PISCES (March 20 – April 18) This month, you could have a flash of inspiration that illuminates the potential future in a profound way. Not to worry – like a kidney stone, this too shall…