August 21, 2017

Nose Job

The other day I shaved my nose Without a second thought. And, now, I find my life has changed!— In fact, it’s changed a lot! While staring in the mirror I saw Some peach fuzz on my snout, And, so, I took my razor and I scraped it down and out! A few days passed, and once again, While studying my schnoz, I saw ferocious fuzziness, Like on a rabbit’s paws! Two weeks have come and gone and now My nose is cloaked in fur!— An unintended consequence, A pelt I can’t deter! I’m thinking now of changing jobs To…

Popcorn Drip

by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland I went to see a movie at A Phoenix metroplex And found I am a dinosaur!— A “Cinesaurus  rex!” The first thing was the squishy seats!— Recliners with foot rests!— With infinite positions to Anesthetize the guests! The next thing was the menu with Martinis and Chablis, Roast suckling pig and quiche Lorraine And oven roasted brie! And, finally, the table that Swung underneath my chin! I wondered,  “Is this hospice with A movie screen and gin?” The waitress came to welcome me Installing the IV! “It’s liquid popcorn, sir,” she said. “With Medicare, it’s free!”…

Copper

Sedona! Amusing things can happen here; never, ever doubt it! Like this one occasion here– Let me tell you all about it: T’other day, for heaven’s sake, I got myself arrested– Yep, that’s a fact that’s been quite well tested. I was approached by this large and very beefy cop Who claimed I’d ignored his signal for me to stop. I got the impression he thought I’d been drinking, With no reason at all for that kind of thinking. But a real drunk who’d just come out from a nearby bar Drove off– and hit that corpulent cop’s own car!…

Kidnapped by Cowboy Poets

Home to the leafy bowery of Doodlebug Island and none too soon! I am, in fact, only just returned from the most frightening and trying experience of my life, and I am counting myself lucky to have escaped when I did. You see, a couple of days ago I was kidnapped at gun point by a group of cowboy poets from Prescott who were sore at me for the things I’ve printed in my newspaper about their poetry. What I’d said was the truth, largely, but whether or not it was recognized as that commodity by these heathen rhymers wouldn’t stand scrutiny….

Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

  CARPET MILL Long, long before all videos    Went viral, to a flaw, There was an old time “movie short”    That everybody saw. It showed a huge contraption in    A carpet making mill, And, up above, a catwalk where    A worker took a spill And fell into the workings where    It gobbled up his hide And wove him into throw rugs where    He peered out, stupefied! I thought it was a lesson in    How not to live a life– A sort of cautionary tale    To save us pain and strife. In other…