June 25, 2017

Cyanide Cloud

MENTAL ENVIRONMENT NEWS: Authorities arrested a woman who told people at gas stations and hotels in the Village of Oak Creek, near Sedona, AZ, that they needed to evacuate because a cloud of cyanide gas was approaching from Phoenix. There was no cyanide cloud, and 55-year-old Christine Ann Long of Scottsdale was arrested on charges of disorderly and unreasonable noise. The only cloud turned out to be the fog in the woman’s mind. SUCKING NEWS: A 70-year-old man was charged with grand theft after police watched him siphon off more than 900 gallons of gasoline from underground storage tanks at…

The Pros and Cons of Napping

HEALTH STUDY NEWS: In the largest study to date on the health effects of napping, researchers tracked 23,681 healthy Greek adults for an average of about six years. Those who napped at least three times weekly for about half an hour had a 37 percent lower risk of dying from heart attacks or other heart problems than those who did not nap. Of course, those found napping while driving ran a far greater risk of dying from an automobile accident. RECORD BREAKING NEWS: More than 6,000 couples kissed simultaneously at midnight one Saturday in the Philippines with organizers of the…

Toilet Fixture Probe

CRIME NEWS: The crime wave of thieves stealing appliances and fixtures from construction sites and public buildings, which is reaching epidemic proportions, has not spared Sedona. Last month thieves entered the Sedona police station and stole all the toilet fixtures. An intensive probe is underway, but so far, according to chief of police,┬áinvestigators have nothing to go on. TREATY NEWS: Archrivals, Sedona and Cornville, have signed a non-aggression pact in which Cornville has agreed to give up its uranium enrichment program and Sedona will halt its vortex enhancement program. ENERGY NEWS: Arizona Public Service publishes energy savings tips every month…

Gubernatorial Candidate

POLITICAL NEWS: In Minnesota, anyone who pays the $300 filing fee can get on the gubernatorial ballot. This year, Jonathon Sharkey, a blood-drinking satanic priest, who supports the impaling of terrorists, rapists, drug dealers and other criminals, and whose platform includes an emphasis on education, tax breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans has thrown his kamelaukion in the ring. SAFE SEX NEWS: A Tulua, Colombia councilman wants to require everyone in town 14 or older to carry a condom to prevent pregnancy and disease, outraging local priests. William Pena said he will present a proposal to force all…