June 28, 2017

PRESIDENT RASKOLNIKOV

The firing of FBI Director James Comey by the President of the United States slammed Washington with the suddenness of a two- story bowling ball hitting the South Portico after being dropped from a blimp. And the repercussions have shot across the Capitol like a flurry of Kansas tornadoes, causing the entire Beltway to chant, “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” A variety of reasons were given for the hasty dismissal. The FBI is in turmoil. Comey lost the confidence of the FBI rank and file. He did a lousy job. Way too tall. Has weird…

Read More

Just Do It…by Will Durst

The English language has a healthy share of euphemisms for lying. Fabrication. Falsification. Making stuff up. Inoperative statements. Alternative facts. Big fat fibs. Untruths. Spinning. Puffery. Flummery. Fast food advertising. NFL owner profit/ loss statements. But they all mean the same thing: saying out loud things you know are not true. No matter which polite term you prefer, America in the middle of a Lying Renaissance. And we have President Donald J. Trump to thank for perfecting the practice of public prevarication to an art form. He is the Picasso of hogwash. Throughout his career, Trump has deflected trouble by…

Read More

It’s All a Matter of Waste

Pictured above is a landfill–the place where unwanted waste is disposed of. Huge mounds of waste are dumped into behemoth holes in the earth dug specifically to hold everything  discarded by humans. While much of what people toss into heaps is recyclable, people choose to bag it  and  drop it in their garbage cans along with a large amount of compostable waste, purely for convenience. Only around 25% of recyclable materials currently make it to recycle centers due to human laziness. Now, some haulers are trying to capitalize of people’s lack of knowledge and dump their recyclables in one container while…

Read More

Booms Rattle a Country?

Pictured above is a clip from the movie “Mars Attacks.” While this is clearly an animated character, it represents the big-headed aliens that are predicted to eventually launch an assault on Earth. Some people think the recent booms were sonic booms created by extraterrestrial aircraft zipping around the world. Rumors of an upcoming invasion are now reaching beyond the sets of Hollywood. While the Martians may not be little green men from outer space (there would have to be some women–unless, of course they would be coming here to take ours) they could, if they exist, still pose a serious…

Read More

Top 10 Comedic Stories of 2016, by Will Durst

It’s the month of December and all over the nation children dance while grandparents twitch with anticipation. Which, admittedly, isn’t that out of the ordinary. During this festive season rife with traditions, none is more hallowed than that magical moment when the Top Ten Comedic News Stories of the year are unveiled. Truly this is the most wonderful time of the year. Please be advised that the Top Ten Comedic News Stories of 2016 are not in any way, shape or form to be confused with the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of 2016. No. No. No. They are as…

Read More

Local Guy to Buy Hostess

Pictured above are Hostess Twinkies, whose ingredients include calcium sulfate, a food-grade equivalent of plaster of Paris. Like many other popular sweet snacks, Twinkies are made with vegetable shortening, but also add animal shortening, as well. For health nuts, Twinkies do offer soy flour, soy lecithin, soy protein isolate, ferrous sulfate, riboflavin and water. In fact, the Twinkies recipe consists of 37 ingredients. With a shelf-life of twenty years, Twinkies were the food of choice for survivalists. The tasty nosh’s possible demise comes as a relief to modern day bunker builders planning for the New World Order takeover on December…

Read More

Superman Now in Sedona

This is the first recycle bin from Sedona Recycles adorned with original artwork. The art, a copy from an original from Sedona artist Jack Proctor is visible to the public from the side of Saddlerock Circle, with the help from Combs Construction who provided a road covering. The expansion and banner came from Marc Jacobson of Sun Signs of Sedona from the photography of Proctor’s art by Miguel Guzman. Sedona Recycles plans to add art to as many bins as possible in the near future. Two more bins are slated for art on Saddlerock Circle. Sedona Recycles hopes that by combining…

Read More

New Sedona Movie Shoot

Pictured above is the famous hillside sign denoting the location of Hollywood, California. Well, the city isn’t exactly on the hill or under the sign, but what city with a hillside sign or letter is? In Arizona, we pride ourselves on hillside letters, like J for Jerome and C for Chloride, Clarkdale, Clifton, Concho, Coolidge or Cottonwood. It Seems a C is not much of a specific landmark. But, everyone knows the Hollywood sign and most everyone thinks they know Hollywood people. Not wanting to be associated with the preceding reputation, Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona…

Read More

Time Capsule Unearthed!

Pictured above is a trunk much like the one recently unearthed in Sedona, AZ. When uncovered, the finders expected they would be rewarded with gold and silver coins or rare gems. Could the trunk be filled with a pirate’s treasure? Maybe there would even be a hook or an eye patch–or feathers from a parrot that would perhaps identify its owner. Perchance there were religious artifacts from some ancient deity–brass chalices laced with rubies or crosses studded with emeralds. Imagine the fame and fortunes of discovering the Holy Grail–not Mary Magdalene, but the real McCoy. Whatever was inside this mysterious…

Read More

Doug (Rabbit) Sutherland…Minister of Reality

BUT NOT DUCK The adjectives abound these days To grapple with a schmuck — The man who we all recognize As “Donald” (but not Duck)! The word, repugnant, can’t describe This man whose life is built On pompous, self-aggrandizement, Without remorse or guilt! — A man without compassion who’s A loser and a pimp, A man who puts down others who’s A bully and a wimp, A cowardly misogynist, A bigot and a fake, A narcissistic idiot, A crass, unworthy flake, A xenophobic demagogue Who’s dragged us through the muck — Inadequate pejoratives For “Donald” (but not Duck)! Related posts:…

Read More

October Surprises…by Will Durst

Something craven infects political candidates as the days dwindle down to a precious few, especially when prospects for victory appear slimmer than an emaciated giraffe in a fun house mirror. It may be darkest before the dawn, but for those scheduled to be executed at first light, the darkness triggers a kind of dastardly creativity that those made of lesser stuff might characterize as desperation. The late hour slandering of an opponent has come to be called the October Surprise and considering the volatile history of this year’s campaign we should be prepared for copious disclosures of gargantuan proportions. Not…

Read More

Many People Are Saying…

by Blodwyn Smythe Recently I sat down with United States republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump for this exclusive interview. It was conducted at an undisclosed location at some time after he announced his candidacy and before he completely stopped talking about the poll numbers where he was winning so big. For space purposes, my part of the conversation will be designated as BS and his DT. Believe me. BS: Thank you for taking the time to answer a few questions and candidly speak your mind without anyone having to explain what you mean. I understand you are not a…

Read More

Trump Hires Undocumented To Build Wall

In an exclusive interview with the Sedona Excentric, Donald Trump, real estate magnate and all-around egomaniac suffering from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), sat down with our own Blodwyn Smythe for a one-on-one a day or so ago lasting well over fifteen minutes. While Mr. Trump spent a great deal of time repeating himself, no really, repeating himself, no kidding he constantly repeated himself with nearly each sentence uttered, he did manage to answer a few questions candidly, though he tweeted his retractions within hours of the interview. For the purpose of saving time and space, Blodwyn Smythe will be referred…

Read More

Hawkeyes and Granitoids…by Will Durst

And now the question that’s been dancing on the lips of politically concerned citizens for decades. Who’s the genius that chose Iowa and New Hampshire to be the first and most influential states in determining who becomes the next president? Probably the same guy who figured out how to bundle subprime mortgages. Or related to the brewer who invented Cold Turkey Breakfast Beer. The idiot behind pay- toilets on airplanes. The premier production, the Iowa Caucuses, is a wild and wacky adventure that takes up an entire evening. First you find where your designated precinct gathering is being held in…

Read More

THE ZANY SIDE OF THE GOP DEBATES by Will durst

To the one thirteenth of all Americans who watched the latest GOP debate, congratulations on surviving the political equivalent of the 24 hours of Le Mans. You just climbed Campaign Everest. Strapped to a pair of debates. Or to be more precise; a pair of mind- numbing, marathon, 4 and a half hour, endurance- test, butt- fall- asleep debates. Not just for the 15 candidates and viewing public, but also the CNN correspondents, many who needed a shave by night’s end. It was the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Labor Day Telethon of debates, only later in September with the cause…

Read More

Marble Poisoning, by Will Durst

It’s a race to the outside. Avoid the middle like the plague. The goal is to not be one with the pack. Even the most conservative of Republicans knows that he/ she/ it has to move beyond rock- solid, standard- bearer of the party line. Anybody who wants the nomination today has to show some flash, be a rebel, an iconoclast, wear a puffy shirt. Wild and wacky is the new name of the electioneering game. Maybe it was the proliferation of reality shows that convinced Americans that real life should be entertaining, but this country now has the same…

Read More

MORE THE MERRIER, by Will Durst

Got to congratulate Donald Trump for how fast he’s become more annoying to the Republican Party than a mouse in an air conditioning unit. Like that popcorn husk that gets stuck in the back of your molars and you can’t pry it out with a cord of toothpicks. Almost as grating as the Kars for Kids commercial. The aerodynamically coiffed real estate developer recently announced that if the GOP Big Boys don’t stop saying mean things about him he might run as a third party candidate. “Be nice or I’ll poop on your parade” is pretty much the bombastic billionaire’s…

Read More

EDITOR: CLINTON IS RUNNING

Pictured is Ms. Hillary Clinton. To date, she is the only American to serve both as U.S. Senator and the U.S. Secretary of State. Add to that, she also was First Lady for eight years, and the only first lady to serve the senate. While many people, mostly democrats, are clamoring for her to run for president, others, mostly republicans, are wishing she would simply retire. Polls show that compared to every potential republican running for president, Hillary Clinton would win handily. The more serious question is what would become of Joe Biden – the only politician that got it right…

Read More

SEX SCANDAL ROCKS THE AREA

Pictured are the faces of dogs caught in sex scandals. Note that each one displayed the same expression when caught. While only a few admitted to paying for their extramarital encounter, they each paid for it in the end, one way or another. While the human dogs are often forgiven and permitted a second, and in some instances a third, chance, the dog dog is far too often successful in impregnating its mate first time out. Due to space limitations, very few political dogs’ pictures made the cover. Noticeably missing is John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, and the Governator, Arnold…

Read More

PEOPLE NEW TARGET OF GMO

Pictured is an example of how companies that insist that GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms) provide superior food growing techniques are now experimenting with altering plant based materials to interact with humans. This prematurely balding young man volunteered his head to show that with special seeds, one day baldness will become a thing of the past. Once it can be proven that there can indeed be new growth to the male human head, further research and development will be conducted to alter the color fo the plant to match the person’s original hair color and even greying with age. by Blodwyn Smythe,…

Read More