June 28, 2017

  • Doc the Wandering Cowboy

    Excentric People Doc the Wandering Cowboy has been seen pacing the pavement of Sedona in the same outfit for over 14 years now. Wearing spurs, a vest and a cowboy doc’s hat embellished with what looks like an owl feather, you might see him hanging out in Uptown, taking a smoke or looking for a horse. Doc doesn’t seem to have a whole lot to say, but he’s sure hard to miss. He could be a time traveler or just overly nostalgic. You be the judge. But he sure brings the Old West back to Sedona like no one else….

  • Merlin’s Wand

    by The Brown Monk Merlin the Magician still has a few tricks up his skirt, even today. Although there are those would like to think otherwise, very few men throughout the history of time can make the claim to truly having brass balls. Not so for Merlin, that enigmatic sorcerer of yore, who had the audacity in his time to use magical subterfuge to ensure the conception of King Arthur, save Briton from chaos and anarchy and dabble in the affairs, politics and intrigue of a far more treacherous time time. Memorialized by local sculptor, John Soderberg, Merlin the Magician…

  • The Liberal Use of Coal Oil and Sugar

    The Smallwood family has a handsome farm just about where the two branches of Oak Creek pinch Doodlebug Island down to swimming properties, and old man Sedge and his wife Emily have an abundance of children who have known only the care, the tutoring, and the doctoring of their parents. Emily assumes responsibility for the first two, but the doctoring is purely the province of Sedge himself. Not that he’s ever taken training to diagnose illness nor dispense medicine. No, he’s had only the rough experience of farm life with its compilation of bumps, bruises, broken bones, contusions, gorings, maladies,…

  • That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon marks

    One Plus Five: By some standards, I grew up in a large family. I have five siblings. A generation before me, eight to ten was typical, and my parents came from typical families. My mother had seven siblings and my father had nine. I have some cousins that were older than my mom was. I was nearly eight when my third brother was about to be born. Counting my older sister and me that would make five. I was worried. My sister had told me that every fifth baby born in the world was Chinese. Of course, back then we…

  • No News From Doodlebug Island…by William F Jordan

    What began among friends as a surprise birthday celebration for a valued member of the Doodlebug Island community, Hazel Britt, became so widely known there was simply no way to keep the secret. The reason was simple; the lady is held in such high esteem among young and old alike, the party should have been announced as a public event to be held in the town plaza! Hazel’s popularity springs from her generosity and willingness to help, but is augmented by a peppery attitude that expresses itself so buoyantly as to lift the spirits of the most dour and pessimistic….

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Is That a Melomel?

Apr 23, 2017

Springtime brings the return of one of the great nerd pastimes here in Arizona, The Renaissance Faire. It may be a joke to many, but when the weather is great, it beats sitting in front of the television for entertainment. I’ve actually only been there once, but it was an enjoyable afternoon. Why am I talking about this in a booze column? Well, I know a few people involved in the faire and it happens to have a large concentration of do-it-yourself types that enjoy old traditional crafts as a hobby. It’s also tends to be a who’s who for the…

Typical Excentric Readers

Apr 23, 2017

Typical Excentric Readers from New Jersey are Megan Keenan and her friend Zoe shown here with the banana-seat bikes they unearthed behind an old barn while reading a copy of their favorite paper, The Sedona Excentric. They chose the location based on the fact that other kids and some adults were calling them “braniac” and “wonder girl” each time they read a new edition. The Excentric World Staff collectively salutes the girls and advises them to shine up those old bikes, then sell them on eBay.   Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric…

It All Starts Over a Glass of Wine

Apr 23, 2017

A common thread among many professionals in the wine industry is that their passion began over a particular glass of wine. I still remember the first wine that truly captured my attention. It was the 1997 Elderton Shiraz that I tasted at the Barossa winery during the local culinary festival (a bi-annual event that is now sadly defunct). The wine distinctively smelled like someone had cracked fresh black pepper into my glass. I’ve been a fan of that particular winery ever since. My little story segues into the topic for this month. I return to the Arizona wine roads and…

Changing the Name of Cornville?

Apr 23, 2017

Dear Ed., I’ve heard a nasty rumor that a certain element would like to change the name of Cornville to Santa Fe. Are they confused about where they live? If they want to live in Santa Fe , I suggest they move there. Or we could have a public vote taken, the Cornville way, right out in the open (and not in some sleazy dungeon where people whisper). That should fairly decide where we live. Below is a list of names I’ve imagined. Just circle the one you prefer and mail it to the Excentric. I’m sure they won’t cheat. 1. Santacorn 8. Fesantacorna…

The One That Got Away

Apr 23, 2017

The Excentric World investigative team takes a look at a recent discovery off the coast of Maryland that could rock the halls of the Chesapeake Bay Maritime Museum. Mermaid folklore began with the appearance of the Assyrian goddess Atargatis, who transforms herself into a mermaid out of shame for accidentally killing her human lover. Reported sightings of mermaids have been an integral part of tall tales of the deep waters since mankind began to sail the seven seas. Even Christopher Columbus, the wayward explorer who, for some unknown reason, is celebrated in the United States, claimed to have spotted mermaids…

The Legendary El Chupacabra

Apr 23, 2017

Q: I read where a Texas family believes the legendary El Chupacabra may be to blame for the death of dozens of chickens on their farm. The Garcia family of Horizon City says they were shocked to see 30 of their animals turn up dead overnight. Sherif’s deputies investigated the incident, but had no explanation on how the animals may have died. Do you think a Chupacabra could have killed their chickens? A: It’s possible. Although, I have recently seen evidence of conditions being so poor at chicken farms that mass suicides may have taken place. Q: A friend told…

COVEY OF CAUCUSES…by Will Durst

Apr 23, 2017

During the Trump Care Meltdown, when the same Republicans that chanted “Repeal & Replace” for 7 years, folded like a broken down lawn chair in a category 5 hurricane, we learned about a couple mysterious Republican Congressional Caucuses instrumental in torpedoing the AHCA. These two groups come from such opposite sides of the political spectrum they undoubtedly have dartboards with each other’s pictures tacked to the middle. The Freedom Caucus is made up of members that formerly self- identified as Tea Partiers but changed their name to interact with civilized people. Of course we’re referring to those unsung heroes of…

BROKEN NEWS…by Will Durst

Apr 23, 2017

Supposedly, the Chinese or the Arabs or the Scientologists or one of those ancient inscrutable cultures, has a saying that goes “May you live in interesting times.” It is generally considered to be a curse. And America right now is living in the most interesting of times. It’s breathtaking how thrilling and frenetic the news has gotten. Every single day. Almost too exciting. Starting to look like one of those pre-opening credits sequences of a science- fiction movie that takes place in the ruins of a dystopian civilization. “And Then All Hell Broke Loose.” It’s not just we news junkies;…

Yachting Along the Verde River

Mar 27, 2017

Sedona Excentric World looks at the recent surge in yachting along the Verde River. The Verde has many narrow twists and turns and suffers from low levels during droughts. Currently, the weather Northern Arizona is experiencing has left many sections of the river unnavigable. To prevent property loss and possible personal injury, a local yacht maker, Cornville Cruisers, has designed a new luxury liner to please even the most discriminating boater. Pictured left is a prototype of what is expected to be crowding rivers across America and yes, the world, in decades to come. A vessel navigating at Mark Twain…

Snow and Sun Storing

Mar 27, 2017

CLIMATE CHANGE NEWS: Russia is storing winter snow in preparation for a dry, warm 2014. The host of the 2014 Winter Olympic Games, Sochi, Russia is preparing for a just-in-case scenario, a project costing more than $11 million. Winter games are dependent upon a lot of packed snow. Their wee-wee may contain too much vodka to make fake snow. The alarm has gone off and now Brazil, the host of the 2016 Summer Olympic Games, is rumored to be storing sunlight. STILL MORE UFO NEWS: In a recently released memo, the FBI has admitted that Herbert Hoover did order his…

Odd Couples

Mar 22, 2017

The Sedona Excentric World investigative team takes a look at odd couples, what with a divided country lead by a highly divided Congress while representing separations within one party. Perhaps the reason previous  congressional representatives seemingly got along, at least enough not to purposely damage the country, was that they knew each other socially. There were times when proposed legislation was not representative of the principles of one party or the other, but with meetings between leaders of each party a compromise could be made for the good of the country and patriotism. The general public never knew about the…

Nose Job

Mar 22, 2017

The other day I shaved my nose Without a second thought. And, now, I find my life has changed!— In fact, it’s changed a lot! While staring in the mirror I saw Some peach fuzz on my snout, And, so, I took my razor and I scraped it down and out! A few days passed, and once again, While studying my schnoz, I saw ferocious fuzziness, Like on a rabbit’s paws! Two weeks have come and gone and now My nose is cloaked in fur!— An unintended consequence, A pelt I can’t deter! I’m thinking now of changing jobs To…

Effects of a Winter Heavy with Precipitation

Mar 22, 2017

Sedona Excentric World staff members look at the effects of a winter heavy with precipitation. Trees and shrubs quenched their thirsts by springtime and the country was lush and green without envy. As amazing as it was to see the deserts of Phoenix dotted with verdant foliage, our staff was drawn to not only the enormity of this shrubbery and this peculiar use of ladders, but the signs displaying the fuel costs with zeros. One has to wonder if, once the bushes are trimmed to reveal the service station, the owners might raise their prices, especially with an influx of…

Here’s to You . . .

Mar 22, 2017

In April, Excentric staff members take a look at the problem of binge drinking. It is widely accepted among medical professionals that a glass of red wine each night can actually be good for the body. This woman seems to have found a way to follow her doctor’s recommendation and still reach a place of comfort she has become accustomed to. Glass blowers everywhere are hurrying to satisfy the rapidly growing demand.   Related posts: It All Starts Over a Glass of Wine Blind and in the Dark Grapes and the Grill . . . by Joel Mann, Staff Wine…

Typical Excentric Reader George Buchanan

Mar 22, 2017

This month’s typical Excentric Reader is George Buchanan of Dover, DE shown here with whom he refers to as “two fine ladies”–his wife, Peg, on one arm and their neighbor, Eileen, on the other. Judging solely by his arms, we believe Peg is to his left. All were standing outside of Sambo’s Tavern on the Delaware shore reading their favorite publication. We couldn’t help but notice the age restriction posted at the entrance. We certainly hope each of them were carrying identification, just in case they were carded. Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader

Heavy Petting Fine

Mar 22, 2017

PET POSING NEWS: A Florida man posted photos on Facebook showing himself hugging a baby manatee and was arrested on charges of harassing the endangered sea cow, wildlife officials said. A tipster saw the photos, alerting Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, which arrested a man on a misdemeanor charge punishable by up to six months in jail and a $500 fine. Dogs and cats everywhere, feeling a little endangered, are turning on their owners for heavy petting and the possible reward money. FOWL INVASION NEWS: Blackbirds and starlings have turned day to night in Hopkinsville, Kentucky. Simply put, their…

A Look into the Future: Highway Safety

Mar 22, 2017

Excentric World staff members look at the safety on America’s highways. Many states have rescinded annual state inspections requiring cars be safe before being allowed on state roads. Some say the revenue would bail out most states while making the roads safer. Mirrors may have helped this driver.   Related posts: An Excentric Look Into The Future Excentric Look into The Future Back To the Future, Part I An Excentirc Look Into The Future

Lesser Known March Holidays

Mar 22, 2017

March 26th is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day. March 1 . . . National Pig Day & Peanut Butter Lover’s Day March 2 . . . Old Stuff Day March 3 . . . I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and National Anthem Day March 4 . . . Holy Experiment Day March 5 . . . Multiple Personalities Day March 6 . . . National Frozen Food Day March 7 . . . National Crown Roast Of Pork Day March 8 . . . Be Nasty Day March 9 . . . Panic Day…

Popcorn Drip

Mar 22, 2017

by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland I went to see a movie at A Phoenix metroplex And found I am a dinosaur!— A “Cinesaurus  rex!” The first thing was the squishy seats!— Recliners with foot rests!— With infinite positions to Anesthetize the guests! The next thing was the menu with Martinis and Chablis, Roast suckling pig and quiche Lorraine And oven roasted brie! And, finally, the table that Swung underneath my chin! I wondered,  “Is this hospice with A movie screen and gin?” The waitress came to welcome me Installing the IV! “It’s liquid popcorn, sir,” she said. “With Medicare, it’s free!”…

The Trumpish Cabinet…by Will Durst

Feb 20, 2017

In typical liberal fashion, the mean weenie left has called Donald Trump’s cabinet horrible things. “Corrupt nitwits.” “Career criminals.” “Greedy thugs.” “Clueless dunces.” “Bad dancers.” But no one accuses them of being poor. Depending on whether you believe Bloomberg or the Wall Street Journal, the administration’s brain trust will be worth between 8 and 16 billion dollars. Trump’s not just going to drain the swamp, he’s going to subdivide it. Yes, he railed against Goldman- Sachs during the campaign, but a Commander- in- Chief knows the importance of expert money management, and The Donald has chosen a slew of people…

That Really Bunches My Panties

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon marks

One Plus Five: By some standards, I grew up in a large family. I have five siblings. A generation before me, eight to ten was typical, and my parents came from typical families. My mother had seven siblings and my father had nine. I have some cousins that were older than my mom was. I was nearly eight when my third brother was about to be born. Counting my older sister and me that would make five. I was worried. My sister had told me that every fifth baby born in the world was Chinese. Of course, back then we…

Be Cool

Starting around May of every year, whenever I have a conversation with one of my relatives from some other part of the country, invariably I hear, “Well, I know it’s nothing like where you are, but it’s sure been hot here the last few days.” Arizona equates to hot. It’s just accepted. There are other places that are hotter, but no one knows anyone who lives there. To be accurate, not all of Arizona is hot. But most of the country thinks Arizona beef is medium-rare while it’s still walking around, chickens lay soft-boiled eggs, and you can just pull…

Campsite Cuisine…by Brendon Marks

I think the smell of charcoal lighter fluid must produce some sort of chemical reaction in men’s brains that causes them to think it is necessary, or even that they are capable of cooking. Or it could be their fascination with open flame. This may explain the need to constantly poke and stir a fireplace, even if it has gas logs. For those men who don’t have a fireplace, this need may be satisfied by constant use of the TV remote control. I have it on good authority that the TV remote control was invented by a man who couldn’t…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

After my “sleeping on the ground” experience my spouse and I decided to invest in one of those aluminum and plastic caps (or shells) that fits on the back of a pick-up. We thought we’d just throw a piece of foam rubber in the back, drive wherever we want, and crawl into the back to sleep. It’s a good theory. The problem is, wherever you can drive, somebody else can drive too, and if they can’t get there in a vehicle, they can on a dirt bike or ATV. We finally found an area unattractive enough so that nobody else…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

As winter slides into the background and the weather improves, many people plan camping trips, to which I say, “To each his own,” but it’s not likely that you’ll run into me in the woods. In the first place, I find it puzzling that the same person who complains about getting down on his hands and knees to retrieve the newspaper out from under a bush will leave the warmth and comfort of a nice bed to go lay in the dirt (regardless of how good the air smells). I suspect that the author of that “Princess and the Pea”…

The C C & R’s

Many of us live in complexes or communities that are governed by a thin layer of bureaucracy referred to as a homeowners association.  Most associations use a set of rules and regulations as a guideline for making decisions about our everyday lives. These rules are called “The C C & R’s.” According to the board of directors this stands for Covenants, Conditions & Restrictions, but I found out it really means Convoluted, Confusing & Really stupid. I will go over a few of the rules we live by and the real reasons for having them. Some of these rules may…

From The Bottom…by Brendon Marks

Someone said to me the other day, “Thank you from the bottom of my heart.” I said, “You’re welcome, but what does that mean?” “What does what mean? The bottom of your heart.” “You know, it’s like thanks a lot, I really mean it.” “Well, what if someone says ‘Thank you from the top of my heart.’ Is that better or worse?” “But people don’t say that.” “I know, but what if they did? Now to me, bottom has a negative connotation. People don’t say ‘Bottom of the morning to you.’ Showing your bottom to moon someone is an insult,…

Transplants . . . by Brendon Marks

In the days before GPS systems in cars and smartphones with Google maps, I was putting gas in my car in McGuireville and another car pulled up on the opposite side of the pump. The driver didn’t need gas, just directions. He said, “We just came from Sedona, can you tell me how to get to Cottonwood?” I really didn’t want to stop pumping gas because I was afraid the price would go up before I finished, but I took a chance. I said, “Sure, are you coming back this way?” He said, “Why?” I said, “Well, I was going…