June 25, 2017

Phil’s Reasoning

Life-long Doodlebug Island resident Phil Malvern owns and manages a Jeep outfit that offers scenic tours of the Sedona area to visitors. He’s a no-nonsense kind of guy, a straight arrow that sticks to historical fact and accurate topographical information. In this, he is the opposite of his chief driver, Curley Gwelthausen, who holds the patent on storytelling and imaginative labeling. Curley explains that since he generally hauls people who are innocent of any type of Arizona history, and who wouldn’t know a metamorphic rock from a rock by any other name, he feels free to embroider, embellish, and “label…

Sedona Queries

If Coffeepot Rock sees its shadow, do we have to switch from mocha lattes to iced cappuccinos? Can I use my Red Rock Pass to park anywhere and what if someone is in my space? If there is a Snoopy Rock, why isn’t there a Charlie Brown Rock and Lucy Rock? Who made Snoopy Rock, anyway? Where do all the people who work at A Day In The West go at night? Does everyone who lives in Cornville have to grow corn? Where is the mountain with the Indian Presidents’ faces on it? How come every time I visit a…

Snoopy Rock’s To Do List

Get Sedonans to chip in on decent Dog House Rock. Quit chasing Rooster Rock, except on weekends. Invite the Red Baron over for pizza. Stop lifting leg every time I pass Chimney Rock. Have Garfield and Odie over for Red Dog Beer. Head up petition drive to outlaw celebrity rock dog neutering. Go to Slide Rock and cool off the hot paws. Make Football Rock for Charlie Brown. Renew subscription to AKC Gazette magazine. Stop chasing tail during full moon. Get back frisbee from bully extraterrestrials. Sniff backs of rocks shaped like dogs. Persuade folks at Eukanuba to sponsor rock…

Garnering the Sedona Vote

Candidates will promise almost anything to get elected. Below are some of the political favors offered to gain the confidence of Sedona’s voters: Sponsor weekly Oak Creek Brewery Nut Brown Ale keg parties at Airport Vortex with free parking Turn Fort Hyatt over to Indians and convert it to a casino Outlaw the construction of future timeshares unless they pay a bed tax plus impact fee Declare Cornville a Canadian province and allow the importation of pharmaceuticals for seniors Make Harmonic Convergence a national annual holiday Change Tlaquepaque’s name to A Sort Of Mexican Village Specialty Shops Hold a dedication…