June 28, 2017

Outdoor Theater to Be Built

Pictured is yet another example of successful concrete dome amphitheaters. This one is the bronze casting building at Paolo Soleri’s famed Arcosanti, an experimental town  that began construction in 1970 in central Arizona, 70 miles north of Phoenix. Soleri started the town to demonstrate how urban conditions could be improved while minimizing the destructive impact on the earth. Sir William is said to be handing the task of painting the inside the dome to his friend Jodi Florman, the woman who designed his editor’s CD covers. Word on the street is her faux painting would mirror that of Michelangelo himself. Of…

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Santa’s Xtreme Makeover!

SEDONA, AZ. “The Amazing Race,” “American Idol,” “The Apprentice,” “The Bachelor,” “Wife Swapping,” “Fear Factor,” “Last Comic Standing,” “Survivor,” “Trading Spaces” and “Extreme Makeover” are a few of the television shows replacing sitcoms as America’s prime-time viewing choices. Capitalizing on the popularity of the sometimes racy, mostly inane shows and the viewing public’s obvious need for entertainment at par with bobbing for fugu, Santa Claus, the real one, not one of the department store imitators, has decided to shoot a reality show in the once rustic, tranquil Sedona, Arizona. “Sedona, a city recently jolted by the onslaught of progress, is…

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Victoria’s Secret Revealed!

Pictured above is a group of Sedona cattle lining up for feeding. A special blend of organic grains help produce some of the cleanest methane in the free world. The popularity of the feed is evidenced by the column of cattle waiting patiently to be served. Due to the potential financial benefits of the program, cattle barons are hurriedly herding their livestock to Sedona. Now, truly every part of the bovine can turn a profit–from its milk to its hide to its meat to its hooves, and now to its gas–making it, by far, the most cost-effective animal on earth. SEDONA,…

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Cottonwood to Buy Salt River Project

According to a confidential Excentric source that will heretofore be referred to only as “Big Gulp,” the City of Cottonwood has launched a hostile takeover bid for the water and power giant, Salt River Project. According to Big Gulp, it is only the tip of the iceberg as far as what Cottonwood has in mind for the future. Did we say iceberg? Yes! “We want it all,” said Big Gulp, “Lake Powell, Lake Mead, Lake Michigan and the polar icecap. We are sick and tired of being kicked around by those water junkies down in Maricopa County and now we…

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Zorro Mask Unearthed Here

CORNVILLE, AZ. Hero or just a fictional character? For nearly a half a century, masked sword-wielding youngsters have donned the black outfit at Halloween to recreate Zorro, the Hispanic version of England’s Robin Hood. Son of a wealthy rancher, the plain, mild-mannered Don Diego de la Vega would become Zorro (“fox” in Spanish), defender of the weak and oppressed, and young, shapely damsels in distress. The Legend of Zorro began in 1919 when Johnston McCulley, a 36-year-old former police reporter, wrote The Curse Of Capistrano. His story first appeared in the August 9 issue of the pulp magazine, All-Story Weekly….

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Interstate 17 and Oak Creek Rerouted

For the last several years now, the residents of Baja Sedona have begun displaying the same ability, or should I say inability, to come to terms with the road building schemes of their resident member of the Yavapai County Triumvirate as their neighbors to the north. Not to be outdone by the repeated demands of the citizens of Sedona, the Baja-Ha-Ha’s have discovered some truly innovative ways to upset the powers that be. It’s a dubious distinction that deserves a bit of a history lesson before we point out the recent errors committed by the hapless bandy-legged sots down on the south side. It…

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Atlantis Actually Sedona

Pictured above is a replica of Noah’s ark, 450 feet long, 75 feet wide and 45 feet deep, equivalent to eight freight trains of 65 cars each. Last summer, businessman and Christian activist Daniel McGivern conducted a summer expedition to Mount Ararat in Turkey. The project, he said, would prove that the fabled Noah’s ark was buried there. At a news conference, McGivern presented satellite images that he claimed show a human-made object Noah’s ark nestled in the ice and snow, some of it in the mountain. He was wrong. SEDONA, AZ. According to a new theory by some Swedish scientist, Atlantis,…

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CORNVILLE TO ANNEX SEDONA

Pictured is a map showing the proximity from Cornville to Sedona. Cornville, already labeled “The Gateway To Sedona,” has often been the butt of jokes from residents from the surrounding area – even Rimrock, where the only travel comment left on any website from a visitor was “I once drove through Rimrock.” The jokes referencing Cornville even include how it was named. The story goes: A man named Cohen called the registrar’s office in Washington, D.C. and spoke with a woman from the deep south who repeated the name back to him – Cohenville, or so he thought it would…

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LOCAL PLANS HOLIDAY PARADE

Pictured is a variety of tomatoes. Grown locally, they are offered by roadside venders and Connolly’s Farmer’s Market throughout the year. Sedonans are picky about their fruit and vegetables, often paying extra for edibles labeled organic. More important than the label may be the fact it was grown locally, making it fresh, and drastically reducing the environmental footprint worldwide by delivering the goods down the road as opposed to across country, and in some cases across oceans and the planet. And while everyone knows tomatoes are fruit, did you know you can save 15% on your car insurance?   by Blodwyn…

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