November 13, 2018

LOCAL PLANS HOLIDAY PARADE

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Pictured is a variety of tomatoes. Grown locally, they are offered by roadside venders and Connolly’s Farmer’s Market throughout the year. Sedonans are picky about their fruit and vegetables, often paying extra for edibles labeled organic.
More important than the label may be the fact it was grown locally, making it fresh, and drastically reducing the environmental footprint worldwide by delivering the goods down the road as opposed to across country, and in some cases across oceans and the planet.
And while everyone knows tomatoes are fruit, did you know you can save 15% on your car insurance?

 

by Blodwyn Smythe,
Parade Procession Reporter

SEDONA: A cadre of reporters, onlookers and fans of Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric, gathered in the parking lot at Raven’s Nest Trading Post where the icon was to reveal the plans behind a holiday parade in West Sedona.
Sir William took to the podium. “I have summoned you all here to reveal the plans behind a holiday parade in West Sedona.”

“Are you saying that Sedona is going to finally have a Thanksgiving or Christmas Parade, like they do in big cites, like Cottonwood and Camp Verde,” asked a reporter from Sedona’s small, other paper.

“I heard a rumor that while there was plenty of city business to tend to, this council decided to follow Tucson, Bisbee and Jerome and recognize civil unions,” shouted some guy from the back of the crowd. “I mean, what a waste of time, since the state of Arizona will never recognize same sex marriages. Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are gay, or at least effeminate, I just don’t think they deserve a parade of their own marching down main street in their skimpy, flamboyant outfits, like Carnival in Brazil. That’s all.

“And I don’t think I could stand the noise of any parade of any sort,” he continued. “I worked tirelessly to prevent anyone from enjoying the Barbara Antonsen Park and darned if I’m going to let there be any parade of any sort on 89A.”

“I can’t believe that you would stir up the parade pot after all these years,” James Bishop, Jr. complained. “It’s been a long time since Uptown Sedona took away all the parades from West Sedona. I remember the Excentric having the winning float one St. Patrick’s Day Parade for entertainment.”

“I don’t know about a Christmas Parade, but I am definitely against a St. Patrick’s Day or Columbus Day Parade,” clamored a woman clad in one of those sweaters with a Santa face whose nose lights up. Until we have a National Native American Day there should be a moratorium on celebrating the Irish or Italians.”

“I don’t get it,” chimed in Bob Colony, silversmith and owner of Raven’s Nest. “What’s the big deal with parades, or for that matter, with celebrating Christmas? I mean most people I run into don’t seem to remember the reason for the season. Whatever happened to Peace on Earth Good Will Toward Men?”

Sir William raised his right arm to silence the crowd. “Those are all great suggestions, but none of you have guessed correctly. I am thinking of a parade with a little more citizen involvement.”

Some reporter from a national weekly magazine offered his two cents worth. “Don’t tell me you’re going Philadelphia or New Orleans to snag their Mummer’s Parade or Mardis Gras, Sir William. Those both involve community participation – right down to masquerade balls and a plethora of festivals leading up to the parades.”

“Not a chance,” chuckled Sir William. “I have no intention of simply buying some other city’s parade and relocating here. What would be the fun in that? I am looking to bring Sedona something much more interesting, something closer to home and more up to date.”

“I’ve got it,” blurted the small paper reporter. “You’re going to combine Cinco de Mayo with some sort of Cowboy Parade – a Cinco de Cowboy Parade.

“That is by far the most imaginative suggestion yet,” Sir William declared, bringing a huge smile to the reporter’s face – a first. I have had the chance to travel the world in my capacity as a paper tycoon and I have attended some of the greatest parades and festivals the world has to offer, like Carnival, Chinese New Year, Cocuk Bayrami, Diwali, Purim, St. Lucia and Trung Thu. But my favorite times were spent participating in the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain and La Tomatina held annually in Bunol, Valencia, Spain.

“With the recent decision by Sedona City Council members to disband community groups that previously had offered their time and expertise to ensure citizen participation in everything from budgets to housing to the arts, I decided to create a parade combining  them with my favorite festivals.

“So, I am going to assemble those dismissed from citizen boards and those who served on Council and committees since Sedona’s incorporation to line the sides of SR89A and, armed with ripened tomatoes, throw them at the parading Council who, for reasons most cannot understand, approved those citizen dismissals, considered from here on out as the Running of the Bull.”

With that, Sir William gestured to the crowd and ascended into his waiting limousine.

 

Above is a real running bull, not to be confused with the recent running bull dished out by Sedona City Council members.

Above is a real running bull, not to be confused with the recent running bull dished out by Sedona City Council members.

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