August 19, 2018

Santa of Sedona’s Traits

He arrives in a reindeer-drawn UFO. His suit is the color of red rock dust. He never refers to a list. He uses a crystal ball to determine what Sedona kids want. Instead oh Ho, Ho, Ho, he chants Ommm, Ommm, Ommm. There’s a funny smell coming from his pipe. His beard is twisted into braids. Rudolph’s nose is teal. Hires temporary helpers from roadsides to expedite gift delivery. Sports a Kokopelli tattoo on his left forearm. Only delivers fruitcakes to the people who have been naughty. Stores extra gifts in Chimney Rock. Has mullet haircut under his red cap….

Santa’s Xtreme Makeover!

SEDONA, AZ. “The Amazing Race,” “American Idol,” “The Apprentice,” “The Bachelor,” “Wife Swapping,” “Fear Factor,” “Last Comic Standing,” “Survivor,” “Trading Spaces” and “Extreme Makeover” are a few of the television shows replacing sitcoms as America’s prime-time viewing choices. Capitalizing on the popularity of the sometimes racy, mostly inane shows and the viewing public’s obvious need for entertainment at par with bobbing for fugu, Santa Claus, the real one, not one of the department store imitators, has decided to shoot a reality show in the once rustic, tranquil Sedona, Arizona. “Sedona, a city recently jolted by the onslaught of progress, is…