April 21, 2024

Trump Hires Undocumented To Build Wall


In an exclusive interview with the Sedona Excentric, Donald Trump, real estate magnate and all-around egomaniac suffering from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), sat down with our own Blodwyn Smythe for a one-on-one a day or so ago lasting well over fifteen minutes.

While Mr. Trump spent a great deal of time repeating himself, no really, repeating himself, no kidding he constantly repeated himself with nearly each sentence uttered, he did manage to answer a few questions candidly, though he tweeted his retractions within hours of the interview. For the purpose of saving time and space, Blodwyn Smythe will be referred to as BS and Mr. Trump as MT.

BS: So, Mr. Trump, while the world leaders have spent decades reducing their nuclear arsenals in an attempt to keep any terrorists from making a dirty bomb and killing potentially thousands or tens of thousands of innocent people, you have stated that you would accept other countries acquiring weapons of mass destruction and not rule out America’s use of such material in attacks around the globe were you to become president.

MT: That’s correct. You see, we spend way too much money, a lot of money, so much money it’s almost unfathomable on military installations in foreign countries, places we protect and for what? They don’t pay us to be there. So, until they come up with the money to cover their assets – it’s our money; it should be coming to us – they can fend for themselves. If that means they need to build nuclear weapons to retaliate against say China or North Korea or Russia or some rogue nation that also has nuclear capabilities, then I say go for it. And get our military guys the hell out of there.

BS: If they pay us to be there isn’t that similar to providing protection to businesses along the streets of New York to keep gangs from robbing them or damaging their businesses?

MT: That’s a great example, terrific example, I couldn’t have have come up with a better example. Those business owners are at the mercy of really bad people who live in their neighborhoods, probably Mexicans who came here illegally, sent by their government to destroy our mom and pop businesses. So, what do you do? To save money, you spend money. In this case, to save your business from being robbed or vandalized, you give jobs to local poorly educated youths and not only keep your stores safe, but your insurance doesn’t cost you more because of the number of claims you put in. And believe me, I know, insurance can cost you a bundle, they’re rip-offs, preying on business owners just trying to make a buck.

BS: Wow, you managed to insult a large number of people is the last couple of answers. Do you really think all people crossing our border from the south are killers, rapists and drug dealers.

MT: I’m sick of our country and president being politically correct. Do I think all Mexicans are bad? No. I have hired a lot of Mexicans in my day, some legal, some not. As far as the Chinese – I like some of them. They rent apartments in some of my buildings, and believe me the rent ain’t cheap and neither are my steaks – but they’re the best steaks in America, let me tell you, terrific steaks, great steaks. As far as the Russians, they mostly keep to themselves and stay drunk on vodka, so they don’t rent from me. And North Korea, don’t get me started on that little nut job. He thinks just because he’s in charge he can do whatever he pleases.

BS: I heard recently that you were standing behind your comment that Mexico was going to pay for the wall separating our countries. Is that true?

MT: You bet. Well sort of. Mexicans are going to pay for it, but now I found that I can intercept the money they wire to their families from here to there and use it to pay for materials. As for the labor, I am going to round up and ship all illegals just south of the border and pay them next to nothing to build the wall from the other side. The wall will be built, a huge wall, great wall, greater than the one in China – that one is really long, but too short – and it will cost us next to nothing and the illegals will wall themselves on their side of the border.

With that, Mr. Trump put down his fork he had been using to eat his pizza, asking Sarah Palin, who accompanied him, if she had anything to offer. She said a few words, but they weren’t intelligible and together headed for a rally on Long island, where the confused, bemused and bewildered had been waiting in line for days to greet them.

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