June 25, 2017

Many People Are Saying…

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by Blodwyn Smythe

Recently I sat down with United States republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump for this exclusive interview. It was conducted at an undisclosed location at some time after he announced his candidacy and before he completely stopped talking about the poll numbers where he was winning so big. For space purposes, my part of the conversation will be designated as BS and his DT. Believe me.

BS: Thank you for taking the time to answer a few questions and candidly speak your mind without anyone having to explain what you mean. I understand you are not a fan of the media. Is that true?

DT: “You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass. They don’t write good. They have people over there, like Maggie Haberman and others, they don’t — they don’t write good. They don’t know how to write good. I’ve had a beautiful, I’ve had a flawless campaign. You’ll be writing books about this campaign. So many people have told me that I should host Meet the Press and replace the moron who is on now. Just too busy, especially the next 10 years!”

BS: So, China has been in the news a lot lately – building a military island encroaching on Japan’s water rights. They have a huge population – a lot of people working there without laws and rules that here, protect American workers and the environment. How do you feel about China’s actions and cheap labor?

DT: “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive. Listen you m—–f——, we’re going to tax you 25 percent! When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let’s say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. All the time. It’s Friday. How many bald eagles did wind turbines kill today? They are an environmental & aesthetic disaster.”

BS: You don’t seem to have much respect for Mexican immigrants. Are you aware of the fact that much of the southwest of America used to in fact be Mexico and Native American owned? And what about Americans whocan freely practice other religions because of American values, like, say, Muslims or Mormons? And should religion even be a part of our political conversation?

DT: “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re not sending you, they’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists… And some, I assume, are good people. I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me —and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words. The wall will go up and Mexico will start behaving.”

BS: But…

“I’ve been treated very unfairly by this judge. Now, this judge is of Mexican heritage. I’m building a wall, OK? I’m building a wall. Happy Cinco de Mayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics! Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country’s representatives can figure out what is going on. For a religious leader to question a person’s faith is disgraceful. I am proud to be a Christian… If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which as everyone knows is ISIS’ ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the Pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been President because this would not have happened.”

BS: Then there are those in the African American community confused by some of your harsh rhetoric. How would you address them?

DT: Our great African American President hasn’t exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore! “Laziness is a trait in the blacks…Black guys counting my money! I hate it. I have a great relationship with the blacks. The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yamulkes every day. Sadly, because president Obama has done such a poor job as president, you won’t see another black president for generations!”

BS: You’ve never had many good things to say about politicians. Why is that?

DT: “If you can’t get rich dealing with politicians, there’s something wrong with you. Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people. One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government. I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my

could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, okay? It’s, like, incredible.”

BS: Are you finally satisfied that President Obama was born in Hawaii?

DT: “A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate.”

BS: There are far too many things to go over with reference to your misogyny, but what do you really think women think about you? And do you think they will vote for Hillary Clinton because of gender?

DT: “All the women on The Apprentice flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected. I think I am, actually humble. I think I’m much more humble than you would understand. Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest, and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault. A lot of people said: ‘He’ll never run. Number one, he won’t want to give up his lifestyle.’ They’re right about that, but I’m doing it. I think the only card she has is the women’s card. She has got nothing else going. Frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man, I don’t think she would get 5% of the vote. And the beautiful thing is women don’t like her, ok?”

BS: What about our men and women in armed forces. Do you think they deserve a pay increase?

DT: “How about bringing baskets of money into Iraq? I want to know — who were the soldiers who had that job? I want to know who were the soldiers that had that job, ’cause I think they’re living well right now, whoever they may be. The point is, that you can never be too greedy. Even if the world is going to hell in a hand-basket, I won’t lose a penny.”

BS: How do you deal with protesters?

DT: “There may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience. If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously. Okay? Just knock the hell — I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees.”

BS: “The word is that one of the major casinos that bears your brand is closing and 3,000 people will be unemployed and looking for work. Do you have any fears that your ventures in Atlantic City could affect your political ambitions?

DT: “I’m a really smart guy. I’ll tell you, it’s Big Business. If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it’s Big Business. Or two words – Big Business. It’s like in golf. A lot of people — I don’t want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”

BS: “Do you ever wonder what you’ll do if you lose the election?

DT: “I hate to lose, and if anybody gets used to losing they are going to be a loser. I’d like to tell you losing is part of the game, and it is, but I hated it. I still hate to lose. And that will never change. By the way, just because I turned the page and poured all my energies into business does not mean that I don’t miss organized sports. I do. I don’t think I’m going to lose, but if I do, I don’t think you’re ever going to see me again, folks. I think I’ll go to Turnberry and play golf or something. You know the funny thing, I don’t get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.”

This article is intended to be satirical, no sarcastic, no it’s real, no it’s a joke. When it comes to Donald J. Trump, you never know. All quotes from Donald Trump are quotes from Donald Trump (one tweet). We left out the horrible things he said about women, because we found them too distasteful to print. One can only imagine that the reason that he doesn’t get along with rich people is he has a harder time feeling superior.

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