November 28, 2023



Pictured is an example of how companies that insist that GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms) provide superior food growing techniques are now experimenting with altering plant based materials to interact with humans. This prematurely balding young man volunteered his head to show that with special seeds, one day baldness will become a thing of the past.

Once it can be proven that there can indeed be new growth to the male human head, further research and development will be conducted to alter the color fo the plant to match the person’s original hair color and even greying with age.

by Blodwyn Smythe,
Gang Rivalry Reporter

SEDONA: On a sunny Sedona autumn day, Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric, stood in front of an assembly of reporters from as far away as Camp Verde to reveal why he is investing in the controversial industry of GMOs.

“I have called you all to this press conference to reveal why I am investing in the controversial industry of GMOs,” Sir William, flagon of Bombay gin martini in hand, shouted to the murmuring crowd. “It has come to my attention that some people have a beef to pick with me about my decision to put my hard earned money in a market that is all but guaranteed to add huge dividends to my empire. I have spent hours investigating this process and I believe that, given time, it will be embraced by the majority of men around the globe.”

“Not only will GMOs become the most popular product on earth,” continued Sir William, “it will bring high paying jobs right here to Sedona. Well, near here. The company plans on putting their research and development office buildings on the land next to our beautiful sewer reclamation plant.”

“Are you kidding?” shouted a reporter from Sedona’s small, other paper. “This is Sedona, land of health enthusiasts. We have more health food and farmer’s markets per capita than any other tourist dependent town.”

“Exactly,” Sir William offered with a smile. “Why should Sedona continue to be totally dependent on tourists to make a living? I think it’s high time to bring industry here.”

“Seriously,” cried a woman from nearby Rimrock. “I moved here to get away from agricultural conglomerates and corporate corn and soy growers. These guys have put family farmers out of business, killing off bees and butterflies and creating dangerous products all in the name of the all mighty dollar.”

“It is a completely new company,” Sir William cried back. “It has nothing to do with food sources. And, with young men regaining their macho appearance trough Chia Heads, this new chemical company is dedicating their time to alter the human male virility gene. Wanting to do their part to help people become fruitful and multiply, the new GMOs from this company will come to stand for Genetically Modified Orgasms, not Organisms, a sort of a super swimming sperm. They are proposing Mark Spitz  be the spokesman for the product. they would market it as Super Spitz Sperm.”

“Say it isn’t so,” a surprised reporter from somewhere clamored, “You are not talking about those Monsanto people, are you? I mean, when you said GMOs, we immediately started thinking about the land raiders that created Franken Food – like the banana rattlesnake.”

Sir William showed obvious signs of disappointment. “What kind of a filthy rich guy do you think I am? I have been bringing brilliant ideas to this area for 25 years. This fabulous new company is going to change the world. And Sedonans stand to benefit by having this company in its back yard.

“Just think, hundreds of well-paid employees spending their paychecks in West Sedona at those health food stores and farmer’s markets and this establishment will be spending money to buy the reclaimed water after the sewer plant has reclaimed it, bringing in even more money to contribute to Sedona’s infrastructure.”

“Why would this company want to buy our waste,” asked some guy from crowd’s rear.

“Have you seen how fast the weeds grow and the heights they reach when watered from sprinklers using your waste?” Sir William asked the guy.

“Every spring a new fire hazard pops up along the highway fertilized by the soup coming from those ponds.
“The scientists from this company believe they can get the water so pure that they can use what they don’t need for their GMOs, to possibly brew beer. Of course, I would not recommend getting into that business without consulting my good friends Fred and Rita who own Oak Creek Brewing Company.

“If they did produce a beer it would most likely be called something like Sedona Sewer Stout.”

“So, they won’t be messing with the genetic makeup of any of our plant life, will they,” asked some other guy.

Sir William tugged on his left ear and winked. “You know how dangerous it gets when the fall winds blow tumble weeds across the highway? Well, I might have asked them to see if they can find a way to make them fly over the road.”


With that, Sir William gestured to the crowd and ascended into his waiting limousine.

Above is a photo of one of the genetically altered fruits. Oddly, some people just may refuse to eat this ripened banana.

Above is a photo of one of the genetically altered fruits. Oddly, some people just may refuse to eat this ripened banana.

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