April 26, 2018

Inside The News . . . by David Fidelman

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BOMB SCARE NEWS: A burrito caused a minor scare at an Oklahoma City police briefing station after a man brought the foil-wrapped object in for analysis. After the bomb squad inspected a thermos with protruding foil some idiot bought to the police station, it was cleared and declared a burrito. Many locals still considered rit dangerous, relating experiences they have had after consuming one of those burritos.

FOR WHOM THE BILL TOLLS NEWS: A Virginia man recently received a summons to appear in court to face charges of unpaid toll charges and failure to secure an EZPass. According to the state police spokesperson, the driver had been sent a bill for $200,000. He owed for the unpaid toll charges and fines associated with those charges. In a deal with the state, he has agreed to pay $150 per month for 54 years, the cost of the toll charges, or $40,000. He should have taken the road less traveled.

EBAY OY VEY NEWS: The small town of Wasilla, AK listed the 1999 Ford Expedition with 74,188 miles on eBay with a minimum bid of $10,000. The listing’s photo shows the tan SUV with a cardboard cutout of Palin in the driver’s seat. A 1999 Ford Expedition in excellent condition at that mileage has a Kelly Blue Book value of $2,318 in the Wasilla area. But city officials are hoping Palin’s role in history will bring out fans willing to pay a lot more. So far, no bids have been placed. The word on the street is the value of the car, as¬†allegedly have parts of her body, ¬†has been grossly inflated.

SWEET HOME ALABAMA NEWS: An Alabama man lost his fight to keep his wife, who died in 2009, buried in the front yard of the home they shared for decades. Her remains were removed from the unusual grave in Stevenson, Alabama. The grave was then filled in and only the headstone remained after her widower complied with a court ruling earlier this week and agreed to cremate his wife’s remains at a local funeral home.

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