April 25, 2024

INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman


BAD AFLAC NEWS: A New Hampshire woman who called police after stopping in a highway median to help some stranded ducklings plans to fight a $44 ticket. The only reason the police showed up was because the woman called them after braking to avoid killing the ducks. The mother and many ducklings had been run over and lay dead on the highway. Hopefully, this cop doesn’t have any animals at home.

WRONG DOOR NEWS: Police say a man who fled from a Mississippi traffic stop was apparently so focused on getting away he unknowingly ran into a law enforcement academy. The 30-year-old man was stopped by officers on U.S. 90 in Biloxi. the man jumped from his vehicle and ran right into the Harrison County Law Enforcement Training Academy building while training was in session, where he was subsequently arrested. A number of marked police vehicles in the parking lot should have been a clue. This guy is bound for a Darwin Award.

IF YOU BUY THAT, NEWS: Pennsylvania Department of Transportation is trying to save bridges on the National Register of Historic Places that are not up to the demands of modern traffic. Prices range from $1 to $500, and moving costs can often be paid by the Federal Highway Administration. The catch is that the buyer must reuse the bridge somewhere else and is responsible for all associated costs. Repair costs are estimated to be between $1 million and $500 million dollars. To date, no one has thrown ocean front property in Arizona.

PANTY RAID NEWS: A thief at an Augusta, Georgia shopping mall made off with a bagful of women’s underpants. Police officials say a thief stole 200 pairs of panties from Victoria’s Secret, valued at near $2,000. It is assumed the thief stored the booty in shopping bags, as wearing that many pair of panties may have been noticed.

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