June 1, 2023

INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman


PRIESTLY THEFT NEWS: Police arrested three 22-year-old men after someone reported seeing someone wearing vestments stolen from the St. Joseph Roman Catholic Church in Gardner, Massachusetts. Police say they have a motive, but are not making it public until they finish the investigation, and it was not anti-religious. Some speculate it was to boost fund raising while washing windshields.
INTERCEPTED PASS NEWS: Michigan authorities say a man tried to throw a football loaded with drugs and cell phones into the yard of a state prison with the football landing between two fences. It was reported that the ball contained heroin, marijuana, tobacco, three cell phones and chargers. The man was captured and charged with distribution of contraband and throwing like a sissy.
HONESTY NEWS: In his graduation message, New York’s Roosevelt Principal Dr. Steven Strachan tells graduates how proud he is of them and that they are a class of “great leaders, articulate orators, brilliant scientists, breathtaking athletes and extraordinary artists.” The problem is that those words, along with a majority of the message, were  presented to California’s Albany High School graduates in 2013 by their principal. The Roosevelt principal even concluded his message like the other, writing, “Congratulations to the Albany High School Class of 2013.” Honestly, this article was plagiarized.
MORE HONESTY NEWS: A number of students at Anderson high School in Southgate, Michigan could face disciplinary action after nearly the entire class was caught cheating on a final exam. A couple of students reportedly took photos of the exam answers from an answer key while the teacher was not in the classroom. The students shared the answers. Everyone scored 100%. As punishment, the students may be forced to attend summer school at Roosevelt High in New York, where the principal cheated. Honestly, we copied this report from Scripps Media.


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