October 21, 2018

Garnering the Sedona Vote

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Candidates will promise almost anything to get elected. Below are some of the political favors offered to gain the confidence of Sedona’s voters:

  • Sponsor weekly Oak Creek Brewery Nut Brown Ale keg parties at Airport Vortex with free parking
  • Turn Fort Hyatt over to Indians and convert it to a casino
  • Outlaw the construction of future timeshares unless they pay a bed tax plus impact fee
  • Declare Cornville a Canadian province and allow the importation of pharmaceuticals for seniors
  • Make Harmonic Convergence a national annual holiday
  • Change Tlaquepaque’s name to A Sort Of Mexican Village Specialty Shops
  • Hold a dedication to recently discovered Viagra Rock
  • Promise to consult all resident psychics, clairvoyants, tarot readers and palmists before making any major decisions
  • Will place a big “S” on the side of Coffee Pot Rock
  • Announced a bill to declare Snoopy Rock the National Rock
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