May 26, 2018

Retiring in Sedona

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  • You are asked to sign a “hold harmless” agreement before Boy Scouts help you cross the street.
  • You pimped-out your golf cart with training wheels.
  • Instead of “air guitar” you show off with “air harp.”
  • You have to quit your arts and crafts class because the glue and paint are making you dizzy.
  • Your idea of Trail Mix is a mixture of soy nuts, Tums, aspirin and dried prunes.
  • You consult your psychic about removing one of your kidneys in hopes that you’ll have to pee less often.
  • Hanging around a vortex seems to make your “senior moment” last for days.
  • You no longer get upset when you get asked to your grandchildren’s classroom on dinosaur day.
  • You start taking Yin-Yang-Huo after you’re told you were a horny old goat in a past life.
  • Memory loss has you keeping your television remote in a shoulder holster.
  • You wear more clothes with pockets when attending the Chinese all-you-can-eat buffets.
  • At Bible study, small children ask you to authenticate events. You start wondering if you might have actually been there.
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