Horoscopes for October 6-12, 2013
ARIES (March 21 – April 19) Halloween pranks start early. You’ll find scary things happening around you this month. The first will be a stinky toilet apparition who laughs when you sit down. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) October is more than a little spooky. With the discovery of Sedna, the new alignment of the planets show you being attacked by a deranged animated leaf blower. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) You would still be having one the best times of your life this month if it weren’t for the sighting of that tenth planet in our solar system….
Beating The Walmart Crowd…
Now shoppers who in the past had to bring a sleeping bag to camp out at their favorite store to take advantage of those early bird bargains on Black Friday following Thanksgiving can rest in line in comfort in their new Shoppers Recreational Vehicle. Gone are the days of lawn chairs and thermos coffee to beat competitors to the newest fad toy or game before the shelves empty. The SRV is so compact that the driver can tow it behind their motorized shopping cart and load it up with all their goodies before heading home for a well deserved nap….
An Excentric Look Into The Future
In November, our crack Excentric staff members take another look at people celebrating Halloween without spending money on costumes or masks. Fortunately, this man’s body hair allowed him, with the aid of his wife and electric razor, to go to his neighborhood part as a Neanderthal guy in drag. While many men choose to go out as the opposite gender on All Hallows Eve, women tend to exaggerate their own sexuality, going as Gypsies, Goddesses, Witches, Debutantes, Heiresses, and the like. Men’s collective imagination seems limited to stereotypical fantasy roles of Cheerleader, Nurse and French Maid. Good thing this guy…
ASTROLOGY FOR THE WEAK
CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16) Expand your horizons – see a foreign film, eat ethnic food and listen to music from another country. You’ll watch Prozac Nation, eat Nachos and listen to Foreigner. AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11) You will take a break, go outside, sit in the sun, and close your eyes. Ants! Get up! Run! Hop in the shower. Relax, wait, go out at night on your deck. Skunk! Run! PISCES (March 20 – April 18) Use your good karma to generate more good vibes by doing something super nice for somebody. Careful not to wrench…
PEOPLE NEW TARGET OF GMO
Pictured is an example of how companies that insist that GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms) provide superior food growing techniques are now experimenting with altering plant based materials to interact with humans. This prematurely balding young man volunteered his head to show that with special seeds, one day baldness will become a thing of the past. Once it can be proven that there can indeed be new growth to the male human head, further research and development will be conducted to alter the color fo the plant to match the person’s original hair color and even greying with age. by Blodwyn Smythe,…
Moving Plans Cancelled
“You can’t call it a drought anymore, because it’s going over to a drier climate. No one says the Sahara is in drought.” –Richard Seager, scientist What a dangerous business it can be to go out the front door in the early morn especially if the voice on the telephone just told you, you don’t live there, you live elsewhere. The door is no longer yours. Down through the decades, it’s sometimes harder than getting the truth from a politician to dream up bits and pieces for another column for this free, yet wretched, sheet–this penny dreadful of world renown. For this…
Global Warming
Sedona Excentric World staff members take a look at how global warming has affected locals in northern Arizona. This ice cream vendor, recently relocated from somewhere in North Carolina, hit the road on his first day of work hoping to find hundreds of Arizonans lining up to savor his sweet treats. Instead, his first customer was a displaced polar bear. Experiencing rapid ice melting of their Arctic habitat, polar bears are hitting the road. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service recently proposed listing the polar bear as a threatened species under the Endangered Species Act. The Secretary of the Interior…
