November 20, 2018

Horoscopes for October 6-12, 2013

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ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Halloween pranks start early. You’ll find scary things happening around you this month. The first will be a stinky toilet apparition who laughs when you sit down.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

October is more than a little spooky. With the discovery of Sedna, the new alignment of the planets show you being attacked by a deranged animated leaf blower.

GEMINI (May 21 -June 20)

You would still be having one the best times of your life this month if it weren’t for the sighting of that tenth planet in our solar system. That’s just a darned shame.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Fall marks a new beginning or, in your case, the start of an ending. Not sure if it is your love life that suffers or your job outlook or both. Either way, it’s gonna suck.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

This month Leos celebrate the end of summer and embrace autumn with the zest of a dung beetle in a zoo. Careful not to overdo it. Remember what goes around.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Virgos are immersed with the joy and love of the season, often dancing in the fallen leaves. Careful of the abandoned rake! Uh oh! That’s going to leave a mark!

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

You’ll celebrate your birthday with friends and relatives at a costume party. You’ll be a little embarrassed when everyone is unmasked and you don’t know anyone.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Halloween parties have historically been the best for Scorpios, after all, they created All Hallows Eve. You may want to stay clothed this year. It’s an age thing.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

You’ll find spending time with old people can be rewarding. Often, if you get them to dance, change will fall out of their pockets and purses and they can’t hear it drop.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

You come to these pages time and time again hoping to find encouraging words to inspire you on your way to a life of splendor, love and riches. Ain’t gonna happen.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

October will be unusually cruel to Aquarians. A global temperature change causes your sinuses to drip uncontrollably, changing your voice to resemble a goose. PISCES (February 19 – March 20) Here we are another month behind us and yet you still haven’t told your mate what you did over the summer that you should be so ashamed of. Way to go, sport!

 

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