April 16, 2024

QUESTIONS? . . . by Joseph G. Evrard, Staff Kentuckian


Where do worms go in the winter? Do they migrate? Have you ever seen a worm out on the highway hitching a ride south? What happens when the ground freezes? Do the worms freeze? Maybe they have little underground dens with fireplaces where they burn grass (logs would be too heavy) to keep warm while they munch on mud pies. Maybe they even have little television sets so they can watch the Super Bowl. I’ll bet they pay close attention to how badly the playing field gets torn up during the course of the game. When they want a really good scare, they watch reruns of “The Birds.”
Speaking of fireplaces, what happens to the smoke that comes out of the chimney? I know, the standard answer is it dissipates into the atmosphere. Well, people have been burning wood for hundreds of years, so doesn’t it stand to reason that eventually it would build up to the point where you could see it or smell it? This will continue to remain one of the unsolved mysteries of the universe.
Have you ever thought how nice it would be to escape from everyday hassles – the cold and snow, the stress of modern life – and go live on some idyllic south sea island? Every day would be sunny. You could lie on the beach and watch the waves roll in. When you got hungry, you could reach for a coconut or some fresh gourmet fish, right from the ocean. Wouldn’t that be great? There are places like that left on this earth. People live there, too. I wonder what they do for a vacation!
When the wind blows, where is it going? How does it know when it gets there? What does it do when it arrives? Does it stop blowing? Why doesn’t it all pile up at the end? What about the place it came from? Is it now out of air?
What do you do when you think? Do you sit down and say to yourself, “I am going to think now.” It’s easier to go for a walk or to shovel snow or to take a nap. Everybody can see what you’re doing. But, thinking? Who knows, just by looking at you, what you are thinking? Maybe we should carry a sign to stick on our foreheads that says, “Not now. I’m thinking.” I think that would be a great idea.
Is it possible to eat too much health food? I guess not. If eating the stuff makes you healthy, doesn’t it stand to reason that the more of it you eat, the healthier you get? Can’t you just see somebody pushing themselves back from the table and grunting, “I’m so full of health right now, if I ate another teaspoonful I would explode!” How healthy is that? Fortunately, this is a silly question. Have you ever tasted any of that health stuff? You’d have to really want to punish yourself to eat a whole bunch of it!
Are cats really all that smart? If you have a cat, you’ve had this happen. You get up from the couch to go to the kitchen. Your cat wants some attention. Your cat knows which way you’re going to walk. Your cat plants himself directly in your path and refuses to move. You stop; look down at your cat and tell him to move out of the way.
Your cat rubs around your ankles and continues to stand directly in your way. You try to step over your cat. Your cat arches his back, causing you to trip over him and land on the floor in a heap. Your cat runs and hides under the sofa. Am I right? Has this happened to you? If you say “no,” you’re lying. All this causes me to wonder exactly how smart cats really are. If something at least ten times my size came walking directly at me I would run and hide!
What accounts for the popularity of NASCAR? Have you seen the size of the crowds that go to those races? I mean, we’re talking thousands and thousands of people going to the track for a race. When you come right down to it, a NASCAR race consists of many thousands of people getting into their cars and driving to a place where they all park, then go sit in big grandstands to watch a bunch of guys drive their cars. How much sense does that make? As if that weren’t enough, when the whole thing is over, what do all these people do? Do they go drive their cars!
Did it ever occur to you that wild animals never have a day off? They don’t even appreciate weekends. What a drag!
If anybody out there has an answer to any of these questions, please let me know. This stuff has been on my mind for a long time and I’m afraid my brain is going to explode.
See ya around.

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