Ode to the Rectum…by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland
ANATOMY LESSON The rectum is the body part That I hold close and dear– The part that stands and proudly says, “The buck, my friend, stops here!” The small intestine squeezes out The nutrients that shine; The large intestine takes what’s left As stuff moves down the line. The rectum is the dumping ground For all the useless crap– The glad and proud recipient That fills the final gap. It started me to thinking that Most women in most lives Fulfill that same necessity As mothers and as wives. They watch in patient servitude — They smile and never quit…
Amassing? . . . by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland
AMASSING? I woke up from a nightmare in A black, depressing chill! The president had just decreed All rivers flow uphill! “Don’t worry,” he was heard to shout, “For it will be amassing!” (Amazing with bad spelling? or Just presidential gassing?) But, then, the Mississippi turned, As millions dropped their jaw, Flowed north to old St. Louis then Northwest, to Omaha, Amassing, in a world class flood, Then, surging on, upstream, Pushed on along the Mighty Mo, And quickly gathered steam, Transforming my Montana to An inland sea of sorts!– The shoreline lined with parking lots And Donald Trump resorts!…
My Pod . . . by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland
MY POD The podcast of my life is out On iTunes and online. So, if you’re tired of living yours, Rejoice! You can live mine! Experience your birth again That brutal, freezing day, As doc Berg drops you on your head And sends you on your way! And, soon, you’ll be rejected by Your teachers, friends and peers, Unable to learn basketball And laughed at for your ears! Then, taste humiliation’s dust Through years of workplace hurt, As colleagues soar ahead of you And leave you in the dirt! The podcast of my life’s for sale At all the podcast…
Minister of Reality . . . Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland
THE SPAWN OF ADAM Old Bob, my ragged, homeless friend Is now a millionaire. He stumbled on a brilliant scheme That sprang from his despair. The boy was big and scary, but He had the sweetest pooch– A mixed breed dog named Adam that All people stopped to smooch. When Robert found that begging with A smiling mutt each day Increased his take a hundred bucks He knew he’d found his way! He marshaled his resources, and Collecting strays from slums, He launched, The Spawn of Adam, where He rented dogs to bums! His business raced around the world! It…
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
APPLE SEASON November is the end of it– Though autumn’s gold beguiles– Another apple season ends, While one old woman smiles! For, Evelyn loves apples and She loves her apple trees, And, one last time, she struggles through Her orchard, where she sees The ancient trees she planted with Her husband, buried here– Their lives and deaths still intertwined As winter days grow near– And, holding forth their shaky limbs And offering their gifts, Her trees seem to enfold her, as Collective memory drifts To one November morning, when They knelt down, on their knees, And dreamed of apple seasons…
Minister of Reality, Doug (Rabbit) Sutherland
PRISM GLANCES I saw the little girl again In that old woman’s eyes!– The look, the smile, the twinkle that Belies her aged disguise! Her eyes are prisms bending time Back 90 years or more, And, there she is, a clear-eyed child Prepared to rise and soar! My Friend, who loves a boy of two Declares with certainty, Through prism glances sees him as A man of seventy! His eyes confirm experience Of decades still unknown!– Of mended hearts and scattered dreams, The fruits of seeds unsown! In every girl of 90 there’s The child to clearly see; In every…
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
POET’S PLAGUE I think it may have started when Craft Beers got tired and worn. A brewer changed one word and, Wow!– Artisanal Beers were born! A desperate baker then took note And stole the word, herself. Artisanal Bread became the rage And galloped off her shelf! Now, would you think “Artisanal” Would end at crust and keg? Hell, no! This is America! It’s an Artisanal Plague! Artisanal Cheeses rule the world; Artisanal Salsa scores!– Artisanal Soap, Artisanal Dope, Artisanal Rope just soars! At my Artisanal Funeral, Give irony its due!…
