April 16, 2024

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks


Anybody with an active imagination can think of at least a dozen inventions they’d like to own.

Once you get past the number one item on any guy’s list (x-ray glasses), some have real merit. For example, who wouldn’t want a cell phone jammer? It could be a small battery-operated device that jams any cell phone within visual range. I know the technology exists for larger devices that are illegal in most states, but I’m talking about a portable unit. You carry it in your pocket, and when that guy at the next table in the restaurant starts yammering away, you discreetly slip your hand into your pocket, push the button, and zap him into a dead zone.

I suppose you would have to be careful with this device. After all, it’s possible the C-powner (cell phone owner) could be right in the middle of coaching someone through a delicate brain surgery or talking a 747 down on runway 18R. I’d hate to have blocking that on my conscience.

Another handy device would be a soft center detector so that all the candies left in the box don’t have a big thumbprint in the middle.

One of the best ideas that I’ve had in a long time is technically not an invention; it’s more like a discovery. What I’m talking about is dehydrated gasoline pellets. This is a winner on both ends. Look at the possibilities. It seems like gasoline is darn near 100% water. If it’s true and we can get the water out, that remaining flammable part must be pretty small.

On the chance that you don’t agree with me, just keep an open mind for a minute, and I think you’ll agree that the benefits are great enough so that it bears investigation.

The tiny little flammable part can be packed into a pellet, and you can store tons of it in a space a lot smaller than one of those big gasoline storage tanks. And no more gigantic gasoline tankers on the freeway either. A pickup truck could easily haul the equivalent quantity of pellets.

The extracted water can be used for laundry, flushing, washing the car, whatever you want, but you recycle it. Then when you need some gasoline, you drop a handful of those pellets in your tank, add some recycled water, and you’re in business. You’ve used the water twice, stored the pellets in a lot smaller space, and it’s simple to carry spares.

Theoretically, two cups of pellets should be enough to power your car from New York to Los Angeles. And you can vary the octane rating just by changing the amount of water you use to dissolve a pellet.

If you need diesel fuel, you can use the water three or four times before dissolving the pellet, but you may still have to add some mud or tobacco juice to get it dirty enough.

Filling stations with gasoline pumps would be replaced by pellet vending machines. Carrying an old soup can full of pellets and a couple of gallons of drinking water is a lot safer than a jug of gasoline in the trunk. And you don’t have to use the drinking water right away; you can always wait until you’re through with it. Theoretically, if your car gets twenty miles per gallon, a 20-ounce cup of re-circulated coffee will take you nearly five miles. How can you beat that? If you’re a close family, everyone can do their part.

If all this is possible, the drawback of course, is that gas station coffee is approximately seven dollars a gallon.

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One Response to “That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks”
  1. Delcia Claxton says:

    Thanks for another entertaining interlude!

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