August 10, 2022

INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman


DOGGIE OVERBOARD NEWS: A couple found their yacht sinking after it hit a reef while on a voyage from East London to Madagascar. The man, a longtime volunteer with the National Sea Rescue Institute first swam his dog ashore safely before returning for his wife, whose safety line had snagged on the steering gear. The couple and their dog all made it out free of injury. Perhaps dogs really are man’s best friend after all.

WHERE’S THE BEEF NEWS: The world’s first laboratory-grown beef burger, grown in-vitro from cattle stem cells in a five-year science experiment at a cost of $332,000, was cooked and eaten in front of cameras recently. Ingredients are: 20,000 strands of laboratory grown protein, combined with salt, breadcrumbs and egg powder, red beet juice and saffron. While  it may be another 20 years before lab-grown meat appears on supermarket shelves, die-hard beef eaters are willing to wait to have it their way – off the hoof.

TEMPERED TERROR NEWS: In an attempt to soften its image, al Qaeda members in Syria held a town fair. Another al Qaeda video produced in Syria surfaced online showing an al Qaeda-organized ice cream-eating contest. An Arabic-language news outlet, Aleppo News, published a video of a tug-of-war between members of the two al Qaeda-affiliated rebel groups fighting in Syria. In the video, crowds of boys and men cheer on the members of al Qaeda. Recruitment numbers are expected to rise as ice cream flavors expand.

MEASURED AFFECT NEWS: Some prisoner’s in Northern California are upgrading to better living spaces – but only if they’ve got $155 a night, the same as a local three star hotel. The $10 million minimum security prison in Freemont has standard prison beds, shared bathrooms and shower space. But it does come with various recreational options, including a HD widescreen TV. If at least 16 inmates stay at the facility for two nights a week, the city would make an annual profit of about $244,000. Who says crime doesn’t pay?


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