May 16, 2022

Superman Now in Sedona

This is the first recycle bin from Sedona Recycles adorned with original artwork. The art, a copy from an original from Sedona artist Jack Proctor is visible to the public from the side of Saddlerock Circle, with the help from Combs Construction who provided a road covering. The expansion and banner came from Marc Jacobson of Sun Signs of Sedona from the photography of Proctor’s art by Miguel Guzman. Sedona Recycles plans to add art to as many bins as possible in the near future. Two more bins are slated for art on Saddlerock Circle. Sedona Recycles hopes that by combining…

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Kidnapped by Cowboy Poets

Home to the leafy bowery of Doodlebug Island and none too soon! I am, in fact, only just returned from the most frightening and trying experience of my life, and I am counting myself lucky to have escaped when I did. You see, a couple of days ago I was kidnapped at gun point by a group of cowboy poets from Prescott who were sore at me for the things I’ve printed in my newspaper about their poetry. What I’d said was the truth, largely, but whether or not it was recognized as that commodity by these heathen rhymers wouldn’t stand scrutiny….

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Rock You Like a Cabernet

Any new developing wine region needs a handful of stalwarts that are the foundation upon which success is built. Even Napa Valley was a backwater at one time until names like Robert Mondavi led the way. Northern Arizona has a handful of these stewards, and the one I’m going to tell you about is certainly not only a driving force in quality, but is the name recognition that can bring the customers, critics, related enterprises, and other trappings that lead to a successful local wine industry. He’s the rock star (literally) turned winemaker, Maynard James Keenan, the owner and proprietor of…

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Cottonwood to Buy Salt River Project

According to a confidential Excentric source that will heretofore be referred to only as “Big Gulp,” the City of Cottonwood has launched a hostile takeover bid for the water and power giant, Salt River Project. According to Big Gulp, it is only the tip of the iceberg as far as what Cottonwood has in mind for the future. Did we say iceberg? Yes! “We want it all,” said Big Gulp, “Lake Powell, Lake Mead, Lake Michigan and the polar icecap. We are sick and tired of being kicked around by those water junkies down in Maricopa County and now we…

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Growing A Winter Coat, by Brendon Marks

Most women will only admit men are superior in three areas: opening jars, killing bugs, and producing methane. But there is one area where men truly have no equal. That is pogonotrophy. This is not a horrible misspelling of pornography; pogonotrophy means ‘the growing of a beard.’ I know that there are many women who can mount a serious challenge in the mustache department or a hairy old mole, but I’m talking about a real beard. The average man will grow twenty-seven feet of hair out of his face during his lifetime. I’m not sure how they determined that. Can…

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No News from Doodlebug Island, by William F Jordan

Tuesday began on a disastrous note: the yoke on my ancient Merganthaler letter press broke mid-run on wedding invitations due for delivery by day’s end. Two irate subscribers to my newspaper The Doodlebug Island Run-on stormed in, one to complain about an editorial I’d written advocating acceptance of such slang expressions as ‘strugglebus’ and acronyms like ‘L-O- L’; the second miffed that I’d somehow failed to include notice of her son’s graduation from Harvard. About then, my pressman became ill and had to go home, leaving me to deal with the Merganthaler, the wedding invitations and any other angry patrons…

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The Bright Sides of a Donald J. Trump presidency

Well. That happened. Donald J. Trump didn’t just perplex the pundits, pollsters and his own progeny with a stunning electoral pummeling of Hillary Clinton, he pelted them with showbiz shock and awe. It was a wake- up call that surely rolled Beethoven, who was deaf, and is now dead. The new shot heard round the world. Planet- wide, liberals are slashing wrists and bashing brains and gnashing teeth and curled in a fetal position begging for their blue banky. The city of San Francisco is working through the five stages of grief but it’s going to take a while, because…

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New Sedona Movie Shoot

Pictured above is the famous hillside sign denoting the location of Hollywood, California. Well, the city isn’t exactly on the hill or under the sign, but what city with a hillside sign or letter is? In Arizona, we pride ourselves on hillside letters, like J for Jerome and C for Chloride, Clarkdale, Clifton, Concho, Coolidge or Cottonwood. It Seems a C is not much of a specific landmark. But, everyone knows the Hollywood sign and most everyone thinks they know Hollywood people. Not wanting to be associated with the preceding reputation, Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona…

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Zorro Mask Unearthed Here

CORNVILLE, AZ. Hero or just a fictional character? For nearly a half a century, masked sword-wielding youngsters have donned the black outfit at Halloween to recreate Zorro, the Hispanic version of England’s Robin Hood. Son of a wealthy rancher, the plain, mild-mannered Don Diego de la Vega would become Zorro (“fox” in Spanish), defender of the weak and oppressed, and young, shapely damsels in distress. The Legend of Zorro began in 1919 when Johnston McCulley, a 36-year-old former police reporter, wrote The Curse Of Capistrano. His story first appeared in the August 9 issue of the pulp magazine, All-Story Weekly….

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The Dusky Maiden’s Lair

Not thirty minutes after he returned from church services in Sedona where the singing of Amazing Grace helped him and his fellow congregates celebrate what successful wretches they were, James Whitsell, our long-time neighbor and friend, did the most wretched thing of his life: he died. Now, given the assumed advantage of popping off when one is primed with repentance, it might be considered fortunate in most circles to expire upon one’s return from church, or, as in James’ case, shortly after. And we Islanders are not such hardened souls as to deny a man improving his chances any chance…

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Interstate 17 and Oak Creek Rerouted

For the last several years now, the residents of Baja Sedona have begun displaying the same ability, or should I say inability, to come to terms with the road building schemes of their resident member of the Yavapai County Triumvirate as their neighbors to the north. Not to be outdone by the repeated demands of the citizens of Sedona, the Baja-Ha-Ha’s have discovered some truly innovative ways to upset the powers that be. It’s a dubious distinction that deserves a bit of a history lesson before we point out the recent errors committed by the hapless bandy-legged sots down on the south side. It…

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Don’t Blame it on British Petroleum!

How clever you are, my dear. You never mean a single word you say. –Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Icebergs melting, polar bears drowning, desert city air dirtier by the day, peak oil here or near, and so the people bombard their political representatives demanding pollution-free renewable energy sources such as wind and solar. Happily the state of Arizona responded to public outcries and is committed to achieving higher levels of renewable energy-powered electric power–up to 15 percent by 2025. Predictably, crusaders for such breakthroughs are overjoyed. Daily, they tell members of the suspicious press that more and more leaders realize that…

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Atlantis Actually Sedona

Pictured above is a replica of Noah’s ark, 450 feet long, 75 feet wide and 45 feet deep, equivalent to eight freight trains of 65 cars each. Last summer, businessman and Christian activist Daniel McGivern conducted a summer expedition to Mount Ararat in Turkey. The project, he said, would prove that the fabled Noah’s ark was buried there. At a news conference, McGivern presented satellite images that he claimed show a human-made object Noah’s ark nestled in the ice and snow, some of it in the mountain. He was wrong. SEDONA, AZ. According to a new theory by some Swedish scientist, Atlantis,…

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Time Capsule Unearthed!

Pictured above is a trunk much like the one recently unearthed in Sedona, AZ. When uncovered, the finders expected they would be rewarded with gold and silver coins or rare gems. Could the trunk be filled with a pirate’s treasure? Maybe there would even be a hook or an eye patch–or feathers from a parrot that would perhaps identify its owner. Perchance there were religious artifacts from some ancient deity–brass chalices laced with rubies or crosses studded with emeralds. Imagine the fame and fortunes of discovering the Holy Grail–not Mary Magdalene, but the real McCoy. Whatever was inside this mysterious…

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That Was My Idea!…by Brendon Marks

Jeff Hostetler was in town the other day. I saw him at a fast food restaurant. Jeff is a professional football quarterback. I don’t know which team he plays for now, I lost interest in his career when he abandoned the New York Giants. The shirt he was wearing was black and silver and had some sort of pirate theme. He looked very different without his uniform. Those guys are so covered up even their own mothers wouldn’t recognize them. Not like basketball players who run around virtually naked. I pointed him out to my dining companion who snorted, “That’s…

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No News from Doodlebud Island…by William F. Jordan

The small ticker-tape parade in honor of Hillary’s victory and celebration of our first female president was set to begin early on the morning following the election when we learned to our horror that a misfit had won the seat. Traumatized by this turn of events—or ‘Trumpatitized’ as someone pointed out, we canceled the parade, and any ideas of celebration turned into a wake. It was poor consolation to think that bigotry, ignorance, greed, and coarseness had finally found a uniting voice whose whole demeanor described an America none of us knew. Well, we made short work of the tears…

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Doug (Rabbit) Sutherland…Minister of Reality

BUT NOT DUCK The adjectives abound these days To grapple with a schmuck — The man who we all recognize As “Donald” (but not Duck)! The word, repugnant, can’t describe This man whose life is built On pompous, self-aggrandizement, Without remorse or guilt! — A man without compassion who’s A loser and a pimp, A man who puts down others who’s A bully and a wimp, A cowardly misogynist, A bigot and a fake, A narcissistic idiot, A crass, unworthy flake, A xenophobic demagogue Who’s dragged us through the muck — Inadequate pejoratives For “Donald” (but not Duck)! Related posts:…

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October Surprises…by Will Durst

Something craven infects political candidates as the days dwindle down to a precious few, especially when prospects for victory appear slimmer than an emaciated giraffe in a fun house mirror. It may be darkest before the dawn, but for those scheduled to be executed at first light, the darkness triggers a kind of dastardly creativity that those made of lesser stuff might characterize as desperation. The late hour slandering of an opponent has come to be called the October Surprise and considering the volatile history of this year’s campaign we should be prepared for copious disclosures of gargantuan proportions. Not…

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What Was The Question…by Brendon Marks

As a friend was helping move a dresser the other day, I asked him, “Can you handle that end OK?” He replied, “Is the Pope catholic?” I wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything, but it reminded me of several other questions of the same type, such as: Is the Pope Polish? Does a duck have lips? Does a bear sleep in the woods? These are serious questions that deserve answers; I decided to get those answers. Initially I had trouble researching the two questions concerning the Pope. Obtaining information about the current pope was easy, but none…

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No News From Doodlebug Island…by William F Jordan

Anslow Reddington– Judge Reddington to those appearing before his bench– has lived on Doodlebug Island for the whole of his adult life although his law practice and court experience have been off Island where duty has been that of a circuit attorney or judge. Not that his fellow residents haven’t needed the law’s interceding benefits from time to time—the temptation to speed or imbibe beyond moderation being factors in the matter—they, like people everywhere, have occasionally found themselves in court. But far from the hard-nosed, judgment-driven arbiter of legal technicalities and sentences, Anslow wages an effort to keep a human…

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