May 16, 2022

PEOPLE NEW TARGET OF GMO

Pictured is an example of how companies that insist that GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms) provide superior food growing techniques are now experimenting with altering plant based materials to interact with humans. This prematurely balding young man volunteered his head to show that with special seeds, one day baldness will become a thing of the past. Once it can be proven that there can indeed be new growth to the male human head, further research and development will be conducted to alter the color fo the plant to match the person’s original hair color and even greying with age. by Blodwyn Smythe,…

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Moving Plans Cancelled

“You can’t call it a drought anymore, because it’s going over to a drier climate. No one says the Sahara is in drought.” –Richard Seager, scientist What a dangerous business it can be to go out the front door in the early morn especially if the voice on the telephone just told you, you don’t live there, you live elsewhere. The door is no longer yours. Down through the decades, it’s sometimes harder than getting the truth from a politician to dream up bits and pieces for another column for this free, yet wretched, sheet–this penny dreadful of world renown. For this…

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Evolution vs. Intelligent Design

Whether out of boredom, pure cussedness, or faulty genetics, a goodly number of our Doodlebug Island residents allowed themselves to get caught up in the controversy currently entertaining the rest of America–namely evolution vs intelligent design. The furor has died down, and evolution has been restored to its former position as the single best theory available, but not before much wrangling, vituperation and near bloodshed; and strangely, not with the slightest involvement of the theory’s advocates. No, the dust-up appeared to be the work of that small percentage of our population given to the notion the universe cannot operate or…

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Cowboy Poets

What with all the ugly things I’ve said about cowboy poets over the years, together with the even worse things I’ve written about their zany poetical flounderings, I thought I had ’em folded, stapled, and mutilated, boxed in from any further mischief, cadged from inflicting any more pain than they already have on a world that has had to put up with their rhymed nonsense and tortured meters. But they’ve rallied recently and seem more determined than ever to defy decency, manners, and good taste in the mistaken belief they are adding something to a world literature of which they…

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Distinctions Without a Difference

The Doodlebug Island Philosophical Society meets once a month in the back room of Dandy-Lee Gifford’s ale house and chic boutique, where the wrangling won’t disturb anybody. The room is large enough to accommodate pugilistic exercises should shouting, swearing, and name-calling prove inadequate. Now, not all meetings end this way, just those at which participants have been frisked and weapons removed. The reader, should he or she be contemplating going out, would be advised to seek other ale houses or boutiques, because the season’s first meeting is tonight at 7:30, and the discussion topic has to do with whether or…

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How I Spent My Summer Vacation . . . by Gideon Noire

It is entirely possible, given the number of cheesy photographs my publisher, Sir Willy Rudolph, has run of honeymoon couples on the French Riviera, retired postal workers in cheap shirts and pressed Bermuda shorts, and rebel tourists lurking about that crumbling seawall in Havana—all sporting a broad smile and a prominently displayed copy of this esteemed publication—to suspect that as you read this column, that some of you, at least, are on summer vacation. Am I right? I knew it. I can see your smiles. I can see last month’s issue. Summer vacation is a subject that is near and…

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The Contract of Marriage

Of all the foibles possessed by mankind, the desire to center attention on the marvels of the locality in which one lives is the least understandable. Apparently, there simply exists the need to excite the envy or curiosity of others to the grandeur of the place people call home. A fellow can live by himself in the midst of a dust-bedeviled wilderness and he’ll find some way to advertise the place as the center of the natural world. If he has to build a rock castle or install a sand-blown golf course, he’ll work his heart out till he attracts…

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