March 29, 2024

Cheap Halloween

In October, Excentric staff members take a look at people who celebrate Halloween without spending money on costumes or masks. In today’s economy people are finding many ways to cut back. Some are cooking at home more often, no matter how bad the food tastes, while others have reduced the amount of cash they normally would lay out for various non-essentials. This lovely woman is a perfect example of someone looking to save their hard earnings for something other than a disguise for All Hallows Eve. It appears she is going for the local Chupa Cabra look alike. With her…

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Having A Kegger . . .With Cabernet . . . by Joel Mann, Staff Wine (And Beer) Tasting Guy

Packaging decisions are one of the major issues that wineries and winemakers deal with in their business planning cycles. Choosing bottles, getting labels approved, deciding what type of cork to use, or even going with a twist-top closure are all factors that must be weighed and considered. Packing choices have evolved over time as well. Winemakers can forgo bottles for bag-in-a-box casks, can go with specialty cardboard boxes called tetra paks similar to milk and juice containers, or even decide to package their wine in cans such as Sophia from Coppola. One packaging format seeing a revival as wineries compete…

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Treasure Reserves Discovered . . . By Bishop, Special Excentric Buccaneer

Gentle readers perhaps you have heard the tale about the two fishes arguing about the existence of the ocean first told to me by Dr. Blanton amidst a seminar at the Pink Nectar Café on the outskirts of town. Seems that two fish were arguing about the existence of the ocean. The first fish says, “it is all around you. You are surrounded by it. You have lived in the water all your life.” Demands the second fish, “show me! Prove it. Where is this ocean?” Where are lot things, gentle reader, which we can’t see even though it can…

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Let’s Have An Adventure . . . by Joseph G. Evrard, Staff Kentuckian

Do you like adventures? Good! So do I. Today’s column is going to be an adventure. I’m going to sit at the keyboard and start typing. I have no idea where we’ll end up! Ready? Here we go. Happy Fourth of July! Yes, I know the Fourth of July is long gone, but I’m writing this on the Fourth of July, so it seems appropriate to at least say something by way of greeting. Did you know that the Fourth of July is a legal holiday? Just in case you’ve never done it before, stop and think just what that…

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That Really Bunches My Panties . . . by Brendon Marks

A friend rides a bicycle for exercise. Without making any remarks about his level of wimpiness or about his sitting on a pipe and pedaling like heck just to give his butt a ride, I’ll relate the reason for bringing this up. He was telling me about a runner in his neighborhood who was out every day, knees bandaged, and in obvious pain, sometimes only shuffling along to complete his regimen. He was so impressed by the determination of this runner that he admitted that it was the only time that he doesn’t berate the runner for using the street…

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CORNVILLE TO ANNEX SEDONA

Pictured is a map showing the proximity from Cornville to Sedona. Cornville, already labeled “The Gateway To Sedona,” has often been the butt of jokes from residents from the surrounding area – even Rimrock, where the only travel comment left on any website from a visitor was “I once drove through Rimrock.” The jokes referencing Cornville even include how it was named. The story goes: A man named Cohen called the registrar’s office in Washington, D.C. and spoke with a woman from the deep south who repeated the name back to him – Cohenville, or so he thought it would…

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Seniors Setting New Password

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password. USER: cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER: 50bloodyboiled cabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. USER:  50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessNow! WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. USER:  50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.   Related posts: That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon…

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Let Us Return To Shady Grove . . . By Bishop, Special Excentric Intuit

Is the world bring run by smart people who are putting us or, on  the other hand, by imbeciles who really mean it?                                  Mark Twain Seems that all of Sedona have gone gaga about some planet my friend Alice calls Mercury. According to an intuitive cosmological friend, this distant planet is in the process of reversing itself in the great beyond. It is sending weird vibrations everywhere. People are cleaning out their garages, hiding file cabinets concealing timeworn love letters and swearing off coffee of any kind from Starbucks. The word at Rene’s is that Mercury may just stay in…

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No News from Doodlebug Island . . . by William F. Jordan

In what must be regarded as one of the more remarkable turn-arounds, Giles Ferguson, our resident atheist, has gone from a major critic of those within the community of believers to a fellow of sympathy and understanding, and no one on  Doodlebug Island can explain the change. It’s wondered if, like Saul of Tarsus, who undoubtedly suffered heat stroke on his way to Damascus, and who went from a persecutor of Christians to the self-proclaimed Apostle Paul, Giles might be experiencing the results of a brain tumor or early signs of a mental breakdown? There’s general approval of the difference,…

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SALTED PANCAKES . . . by Joseph G. Evrard, Staff Kentuckian

Recently, my wife and I were talking with another couple when the conversation turned to cooking ability. Our friend told us she just couldn’t understand why her brand new husband didn’t immediately fall in love with her cooking when she prepared her first official breakfast as a new bride many years earlier. He, of course, as a new husband was reluctant to criticize his new bride’s attempt at pleasing him, so he bravely resisted the urge to spit his first mouthful of pancakes into the trash. Instead, he gritted his teeth, swallowed hard and made some excuse to leave the…

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Typical Excentric Reader

This month’s typical Excentric Readers are Pat Morgan and Ellen O’Connell. The accompanying note read: We respectfully submit this photo from somewhere in the Bronx, NY. A dedicated Excentric reader, Pat Morgan, is on the right. A newcomer, Ellen O’Connell, is on the left reading the Excentric to her pet bird, species unknown to the human race! Best wishes, Kathleen Sullivan. Thanks. We assume Ms. Sullivan took the photo. Sadly, Ms. O’Connell seems attached to a wooden bird. Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader…

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That Really Bunches My Panties by Brendon Marks

For the last few years, I’ve always been involved in one building project or another. A friend remarked, “You’re going to die with a tool belt on.” I was a little concerned about that because he’s a Baptist minister and I was afraid that he might have some inside information. Like maybe he’s seen a list or something, but whatever will be, will be. It occurred to me that virtually every project that I start has one common factor. It always begins with my hands wrapped around the handle of a shovel. Even the very first job I had as…

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CELEBRITIES RUN FOR OFFICE?

Pictured is César Chávez – the real César Chávez, shown here in the late 1960s at the United Farm Workers (UFW) gathering, deciding whether or not to buy grapes. According to Wikipedia, he struggled through hunger strikes, imprisonment, abject poverty for himself and his large family, racist and corrupt judges, exposure to dangerous pesticides, and even assassination plots. Chávez remained true to the cause and to the non-violent methods he espoused. Upon death, more than 40,00 people marched behind his plain pine casket at his funeral procession.   by Blodwyn Smythe, Name Game Reporter SEDONA: A horde of reporters, onlookers…

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The Washington Wine Road – Part II. . . by Joel Mann, Staff Wine Tasting Guy

Last month, I reviewed of a handful of Woodinville wineries from a recent spring break trip to Seattle. That was just a small taste of the potential that Woodinville holds for visitors. The region has a number of respected wineries and tasting rooms from the Washington wine scene, which provides a wide range of taste options given the state’s various growing regions and the fact that Washington produces everything from cool climate Rieslings to hot and dry GSM blends. This month, I present additional highlights from the trip, and share a bit more of what Washington wine has to offer….

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Tips From the Redneck Book Of Manners . . .

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. Dining Out 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as…

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No News from Doodlebug Island . . . by William F. Jordan

“The trouble with atheism is that it’s unattractive, argumentative, and dead-ended,” said Giles, casting his line into the swollen waters of Oak Creek, which, so far as our luck was concerned, seemed to have washed the fish downstream in the direction of Cornville. “Far be it from me to interrupt a repentant nay-sayer, but aren’t those three troubles?” Giles pulled a wry face. “I’ve made a complete examination of the field of agnoiology—the study of ignorance—and have found you to be a ready specimen. Now, suppose you pretend you’re not the editor of the Doodlebug Run-on—a rag of questionable reputation—and…

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Typical Excentric Reader

This month’s typical Excentric Reader is Jay Bloch of Southlake, Texas.When the ice and snow hits northern Texas, everyone takes time out to catch up with the Sedona Excentric, our out-of-state newspaper of preference. Our four-legged family members,Teddy and Daisy, are waiting for their favorite section: Kozmik Korner. We thank Jay for his kind words and picture of him, teddy and Daisy enjoying snow. We wish them and ourselves plenty of rain this coming summer. Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader… Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader

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Is The Lone Ranger Returning? . . . By Bishop, Excentric Task Force Manager

Give me silence, water, hope Give me struggle, iron, volcanoes                   Neruda As buzzards circled through the smoke above City Hall, a tourist from Maine mumbled to a lady of the night, “so this is what the end of the world looks like!” “Not so,” reported Josh, an expert member of the legendary, mythical Monkey Wrench Gang, “It’s just Ed. He said he’d come back, some day. He said he would settle for the sedate career, serene and soaring, of the humble turkey buzzard, the only known philosophizing bird.” And what a world he’d come back to, not forgetting Sedona and…

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FUN WITH SQUIRRELS . . . by Joseph G. Evrard, Staff Kentuckian

Well, now that the weather’s nicer, I’ve been doing a bunch of porch settin’ (you remember how to do that, don’t you?). After a while things get real quiet out on the porch and if you’re not properly creative, things can actually get to be boring. Now we all know that boring is am awful place to be so it behooves (neat word, huh?) us to find something to do to keep from getting bored. For me the answer turned out to be cats. I’ve got a bunch of cats living on my porch. Based on demonstrated behavior, there will…

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HOUSEWIVES PRODUCER HERE!

Pictured are the Real Housewives of New York City. Pictured left to right are six beautiful women who regularly attend all the right parties, visit the most popular night spots and remain atop the pedestal where they were placed by their husbands. While these women may not represent your typical housewife in the city or country where the shows are shot, they have inspired at least a handful of people to overdress for lunch. The ratings of these reality shows are so high that they seem to be cropping up everywhere, and women are actually getting paid to be ostentatious,…

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