Astrology For The Weak
CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16)
You will have an epiphany and look for good deeds to perform this month. After all, a look at your past reveals that your karma needs a boost – and how!
AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11)
For some reason, you will feel lazy and lethargic on weekdays this month, but find yourself rejuvenated over the weekends. Your employer has the same concerns.
PISCES (March 20 – April 18)
This month, you will decide to travel, only to find you are on the no-fly, no-train, no-bus, no-rental car, no-hitchhiking terrorist list. Bust out the burgers. Barbecue!
ARIES (April 18 – May 13)
You will take care of all the little tasks that may have piling up this month. Getting through the piles may prove difficult, as the little tasks involved lots of hoarding.
TAURUS (May 13 – June21)
You will change careers this month. It will start with you taking thee steps forward and two steps back, repeating it over and over and becoming a ballroom dancer.
GEMINI (June 21 – July 20)
Stars say it is a good time to express your creative side. A close friend you secretly have a crush on convinces to take a dance class. Turns out it will be tap, not lap.
CANCER (July 20 – August 10)
Tough times are becoming things of the the past and now everything is coming up roses. Remember, while roses are beautiful, they are always surrounded by pricks.
LEO (August 10 – September 16)
As you embark upon a new relationship, it’s only natural that a failed relationship from the recent past should enter. To flee or not to flee – that is the question.
VIRGO (September 16 – October 30)
You need to surround yourself with people who have an optimistic attitude about things, not a bunch of naysayers. The Shari monastery in Tibet comes to mind.
LIBRA (October 30 – November 23)
Your needs are being met in every realm and you begin to think deeply about this strange state of happiness. Suddenly, a slap across your face. “Snap out of it.”
SCORPIO (November 23 – November 29)
You begin a campaign to thwart the effort of negative plotters this month. then you realize you are plotting against them and begin a campaign against yourself.
OPHIUCHUS (November 29 – December 17)
You will be tempted to spend too much money on too little of value today, so you will have a friend watch your wallet for you, who will go on a shopping spree.
SAGITTARIUS (December 17 – January 20
An innocent conversation meant to kill time will plant an idea in your head that you will be tossing around all month. Then, it gets tossed out – just like that.
