ASTROLOGY FOR THE WEAK
CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16)
This month, avoid strife or disagreements with a boss or authority figure. Try to see things from their side and let it go. Or, moon them in front of the staff.
AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11)
The stars say it pays to get to know the person better before you head off into the sunset. But they don’t say anything about ending up watching the sun rise.
PISCES (March 20 – April 18)
The astral alignment encourages you to focus less on your responsibilities, and more on getting out to enjoy yourself. This may be illegal if you are military.
ARIES (April 18 – May 13)
Don’t get hooked into a get-rich-quick hair growing scheme. It promise a lot more than they can deliver. And, when the coloring wears off, people can turn nasty.
TAURUS (May 13 – June21)
The planetary alignment could help you kick-start a new exercise or diet routine. Eating Bon Bons while walking in place may not get the results you desired.
GEMINI (June 21 – July 20)
This month’s horoscope shows something about Mercury going into retrograde and your need to back up your documents. Check you rear view before backing up.
CANCER (July 20 – August 10)
Even though you seem content with your situation, you’re ready for some change, Libra. Go through that coin jar and head to a bank and a fast-food chain. Yum!
LEO (August 10 – September 16)
This month may be chock full of tempting adult fun and games, invitations, and offers of dates. Check with your partner before straying into the den of debauchery.
VIRGO (September 16 – October 30)
You may want to do something bigger, grander, and farther away from your usual haunts this month. You could enter a Karaoke contest in full costume in Vegas.
LIBRA (October 30 – November 23)
A surprising message could come your way from someone you haven’t heard from in a long time. If you’re a guy – paternity test. If you’re a gal – change your name.
SCORPIO (November 23 – November 29)
Just because you only have one life, that doesn’t mean you can’t fit many different lives into it. Multiple personalities are making a big comeback these days.
OPHIUCHUS (November 29 – December 17)
Insults may be all it takes for you to see the truth of the situation and know what to do next. So very sorry. That should have read insights, not insults. Oh, well.
SAGITTARIUS (December 17 – January 20
You may discover you have a talent for the occult sciences. This might involve astrology, numerology, alchemy, or using oracles. I’d pick alchemy. Go for gold!
