August 12, 2022

Astrology For The Weak . . .


CAPRICORN (January 19 – February 16)
You could waste the whole month thinking about work, but what would that get you? Take time to daydream, stare out the window, think about your new job.

AQUARIUS (February 16 – March 11)
You voted. But, the one you cast you ballot for lost. What to do? Take matters into your own hands and secede from your neighborhood or go on an eating strike.

PISCES (March 20 – April 18)
Still reeling from that Halloween party? You started out as Robin Hood and woke up in a Shirley Temple dress. You’ll need the month to explain the transformation.

ARIES (April 18 – May 13)
Mars (ruler of Aries) enters the sign of Capricorn and leaves without a by your leave. No big deal, but Mars, God of War, left crap on the carpet from his boots.

TAURUS (May 13 – June21)
The Moon may be in Taurus when retrograde Mercury enters Libra and the Sun sextiles Jupiter. I have no clue what that means, but sextiling should be illegal.

GEMINI (June 21 – July 20)
Now may be a good time to visit faraway places. Listen to your travel companion this time and avoid getting caught in a blizzard in a rental with no map or gps.

CANCER (July 20 – August 10)
This month, your persistence and determination increase with a desire to push forward to success. Be your own cheerleader, because no one else is watching.

LEO (August 10 – September 16)
The positioning of the stars and planets could hit your heart, love life, and any and all partners you have. Never a better time for champagne, oysters and a hot tub.

VIRGO (September 16 – October 30)
Your friends think you are too conservative. To show them you can have a good time, you go to a hip masquerade party as your favorite ball player, the umpire.

LIBRA (October 30 – November 23)
You’ll think the decisions are mostly yours when it comes to your love life over the month. A lot you know. You think being single and alone are your decisions?

SCORPIO (November 23 – November 29)
Your insecurities may be blowing a certain difficulty all out of proportion – or not – what, with distant relatives visiting, and being called the Grizwalds and all.

OPHIUCHUS (November 29 – December 17)
People may like spending time with you to make themselves feel better. At first, you’ll think it’s because you’re charmed, but discover it’s – well – something else.

SAGITTARIUS (December 17 – January 20
Noovember could launch you into a month of big fun. Even if it lasts no more than that, you’ll have the memory. Better than last month’s memories of Loserville.

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