November 17, 2018

SIX FLAGS IS TO BUILD HERE?

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Pictured is Six Flags Mexico Park, located south of Mexico City. It boasts one of the largest and fastest roller coasters of Mexico. One of them, Boomerang, was the first in the world with an outdoor round trip, Batman the Ride is the only inverted roller coaster in Mexico and Superman, the last escape is the highest and fastest in all of Latin America. While the Sedona version of the famous Six Flags theme parks may not be as colorful or extravagant as some of the other park locales, anything involving anyone, especially children, who want more than to hike a retirement village will welcome the addition.

 

by Blodwyn Smythe,
Wild Ride Reporter

SEDONA: At a hastily called press conference in the parking lot of the newest advertiser, Melting Point, off SR89A in West Sedona, Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric and Exalted High Muck-a-Muck at ExcentircWorld.com addressed a hoard of reporters, fans and passersby, to reveal the details behind the Six Flags Sedona Park.

He approached the podium with the swag of a thin Teddy Roosevelt, sans the spectacles. “I am here to reveal the details behind the Six Flags Sedona Park.” Being the closest thing to royalty in the Verde Valley, he raised his scepter to quiet the raucous crowd.

“I know you are anxious to learn the particulars of this grand endeavor, but the devil is in the Details. And Devil begins with a capital D and that rhymes with C and that stands for Cornville.”

“What in the world would the people of Cornville have to do with a Six Flags Sedona Park,” asked the newest reporter from Sedona’s small, other paper.

Sir William wasted no time in answering the young reporter’s question. “Seriously? The only location for such a project is across from the Sedona Waste Water Reclamation Plant on SR89A, a far bit outside Sedona’s city limits. that puts in within spittin’ reach of the good people of Cornville, which means they would like a seat at the table when the brokers meet.”

The reporter had a follow up question. “Does that mean Cornvillains expect to negotiate with Six Flags sponsors and Sedona officials over the rides, games and themes?”

Sir William stared down the pubescent inquisitor. “What I am saying is, if Sedona is going to develop a theme park on a grand scale, residents of the Verde Valley should have input. Maybe there could be miniature golf course with a Montezuma’s Castle ambiance, or perhaps a swimming hole, much like the one pictured below. Maybe there could be a ride featuring a casino, pecans and fresh corn, representing the best of Camp Verde. One has to wonder if the park partners would consider a batting cage featuring medical centers or driving range lined with wine tastings and restaurants reminding visitors of the attributes of Cottonwood. I mean, the amenities of the park can’t be solely a red rock theme.”

“What makes you think the city is going to approve anything at that location,” asked a reporter from some national magazine. “Do you have enough juice with the players to convince the city and county officials to build something that may involve fun and noise and traffic?”

“I have complete faith in this newly seated mayor and council,” Sir William stated, emphatically. “I know they realize that Sedona needs to have more than just its roads open the summer and winter seasons. There are myriad events in the spring and fall offering visitors things to do after their scenic tour is spent. But with the heat of summer and cooler temperatures of winter, travelers tend to just drive through Sedona on their way elsewhere.

“This park will be open year-round and become a destination for people within and outside Arizona. No more sleepy villages with businesses forced to stash their cash during spring and fall to just get through the lean months. Employers might be able to pay higher wages and keep employees longer.”

“What about all the induced traffic and ramped up noise this will bring to the area,” asked some guy.

Sir William smiled. “And there we go. The first of the ‘I came here to retire’ naysayers to anything that doesn’t suit their idea of Sedona living. I’d bet good money that you came here no more than a few years back from a big city and are sitting on not-for-profit boards telling them how things were done where you came from, and had no idea this publication has been writing about you for more than 25 years.

“It’s because of people like you that high school graduates can’t wait to leave the area, as there are no future prospects for building a family here. It’s because of people like you that wages are low, benefits are non-existent and the turnover rate is so high.

“You’re the guy who wants to close the gate after you come here. Realize people before you tried to close the gate to keep people like you from getting in.”

“Are they really planning on calling it the Six Flags Sedona Park,” asked some gal from the back.

Glad you asked that,” replied Sir William. “The area is kind of small for a conventional theme park. My inside sources say they plan to call it ‘One Fag Near Sedona Park’.”

With that, Sir William gestured to the crowd and ascended into his waiting limousine.

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