May 26, 2020

HOUSEWIVES PRODUCER HERE!

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Pictured are the Real Housewives of New York City. Pictured left to right are six beautiful women who regularly attend all the right parties, visit the most popular night spots and remain atop the pedestal where they were placed by their husbands. While these women may not represent your typical housewife in the city or country where the shows are shot, they have inspired at least a handful of people to overdress for lunch. The ratings of these reality shows are so high that they seem to be cropping up everywhere, and women are actually getting paid to be ostentatious, arrogant and totally decked out.

by Blodwyn Smythe,
Unreal Reality Reporter

SEDONA: A horde of reporters, onlookers and fans of Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric, gathered outside the bay doors at Canyon Automotive to hear Sir William reveal the details behind the upcoming new television series to be shot here.
Sir William opened the press conference, “I have gathered you here to reveal the details behind the upcoming new television series to be shot here.

“Reality TV show producers scour the country daily in search for beautiful married women with nothing better to do with their waking hours than to shop, eat, drink and gossip. To date, they have a series running in New York City, Atlanta, New Jersey, Orange County, Beverly Hills, and Miami. While they have had their sights set on Texas and Las Vegas, and filmed a pilot in Melbourne, Australia, I convinced them to take a detour and take a hard look at Arizona. After all, we have our share of vain, overdressed, pretentious women here.

“First they traveled to Tucson, Phoenix and on to Scottsdale, interviewing potential hires. They came away disappointed, thinking Arizona might be a waste of time. No one seemed colorful enough to build a new series around. Then they spent some time in Flagstaff and Prescott. While those cities each possessed a couple of potential characters, the areas still fell flat when it came to panache. According to the executive producer, ‘ Just not quite enough, how do you say, je ne sais qua.’

“Personally, I say it without the thick, fake, French accent, but then I sound like a drunken cowboy trying to sing show tunes with a mouthful of jalapeno poppers. The word ‘possessed’ came up often in conversation, which naturally drew them to Sedona.”

“Wow, if they couldn’t find enough vivacious women in the cites you mentioned, how are they expected to select from our minimal population,” asked a reporter from Sedona’s small, other paper.

Sir William smiled, “If they can find enough women to make a reality show in Israel, Canada, Ireland and Greece, they can surely find a handful of vibrant women here with sparkling personalities who can offer scintillating conversation. Usually an abundance of plastic surgeons and Botox parties are criteria for a location, in our case, they are more concerned with natural, effortless beauty.”

“So, the producers discovered six women that fit that description and enough gathering spots to film a series in Sedona?” queried a newly relocated resident from Chicago.

Taking a sip from his flagon filled with Bombay gin martini, Sir William answered the White Sox fan. “You look vaguely familiar. Didn’t I see you at the casting interviews? Don’t be disappointed about not being selected. They decided to go another direction.”

“What direction was that,” asked some curious guy.

“They took a sharp left and headed southwest,” Sir William stated.

“Are you trying to tell us that they went to Cottonwood,” some other guy asked, dumbfounded.

Sir William laughed, nearly spitting out some martini, “No, no, they took a sharper left than that and veered off road to Cornville.”

A woman with a strong Texas accent shouted, “Are you kidding me? These so-called producers skipped the great state of Texas, the cities of Dallas, Houston, Austin and San Antonio for some place called Cornville, Arizona?”

“Maybe the reality TV high muck-a-mucks weren’t looking for cheerleaders, oilers, violet crowns or river walkers. Their casting search in Cornville, turned up a half dozen women who frequent the Grasshopper Grill, Up The Creek Grill and Harry’s Hideaway. Beyond that, they are regulars at the Cornville Mercantile Hardware Store and Cornville Market.

“One of the wives was voted Mrs. Nice Tooth 2004 and another was a former 4-H free-range chicken plucking champion. Two of the women were partners in a belly dancing lessons business, where the students would gather for beer before each class. They would meet five nights a week. Of the remaining two, one ran a drive-through bait, tobacco and tattoo shop and the other repaired ATVs.You can’t get much more colorful then these six women. ”

“Are you free to disclose their identities,” asked the curious guy.

“Not yet. One of the cast members added a case of Mescal to the rider clause of their contract with the worms removed,” Sir William said.

With that, Sir William gestured to the crowd and ascended into his waiting limousine.

Here is one of the stunning  Beverly Hills Real Housewives from the series of the same name, shot on her way to wherever.

Here is one of the stunning Beverly Hills Real Housewives from the series of the same name, shot on her way to wherever.

  

 

 

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