July 16, 2018

GAY SEDONA OLYMPIC GAMES?

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Pictured is an Olympian of games past. While normally a head is required to compete in such grueling sporting trials, it is clear from the picture that it is not necessary. This athlete shows her prowess and power while performing some kind of jump during her gymnastic event. Since the Gay Sedona Olympic Games will be held outdoors, such exploits will not be observed. While this photo may encourage some people to ask where her head is, recent activities by the state of Arizona legislature, has a great many people, not only in Arizona, but around the country asking where the heads on Arizona legislators are.

 

by Blodwyn Smythe,
Game Playing Reporter

SEDONA: A horde of reporters, onlookers and fans of Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric, gathered in the parking lot of the Sedona Library at a hastily called press conference to hear  Sir William reveal the details behind the Gay Sedona Olympic Games.

Sir William arrived, donned in a rainbow-colored track and field speed suit. “I gathered you here at this hastily called press conference to reveal the details behind the Gay Sedona Olympic Games. After weeks of intense lobbying by the LGBT community in Sedona, our city has been designated the site for the 2014 Gay Olympics.”

“I didn’t even know there was a Gay Olympics,” chimed a reporter from Sedona’s small, other paper.
“Where have you been? The Gay Olympics have been around since 1982, sonny,” Sir William barked.
“I still don’t understand,” cried the confused reporter. “Are the Olympians gay or are the sporting events gay or both?”
“Who ever heard of gay sports?” Sir William, obviously disgruntled by the moronic question, growled. “Sports are sports.

“I just came back from Sochi, and after seeing the way the Russian government treated their LGBT population, threatening against promotion of anything gay at the Olympics, I thought I would bring the idea up with our local LGBT community. Combine the Putinesk attitude with the latest legislation of religious freedom proposed by Arizona lawmakers, and every Arizonan who isn’t straight, white and Christian feels threatened. The LGBT leaders agreed that in order to show a sign of tolerance and solidarity in Arizona we should hold Gay Sedona Olympic Games.

“While there still will be the traditional Gay Games 9 held in September 2014 in Ohio, Sedona will hold its own games in May of this year. Though the Gay Sedona Olympic Games will not be sanctioned by the Federation of Gay Games, some of the same athletes are expected to compete here.”

Will these be Summer Olympics or Winter Olympics,” asked a reporter from some e-zine.
“Do you and that guy from Sedona’s small, other paper drink the same Kool-Aid,” Sir William asked with that Mona Lisa smile. “In order to have winter oriented games, you need winter.”

The e-zine reporter then bravely pressed on. “Then there will be all the summer sporting events, such as track and field, swimming volleyball, archery, gymnastics, diving and the like?”

Sir William was now grimacing. “As I said, this is the Gay Sedona Olympic Games. It will be our first time hosting such an event. And since we are such a small city in comparison with bigger cities, our events may be scaled down a bit. Much like the very first Olympic trials, there will be running and jumping, wrestling, discus, javelin, pentathlon and some equestrian events. As in the beginning days of Olympic competition, Gay Sedona Olympic Games will all be held outdoors. But, unlike ancient times, athletes will not be performing in the buff, glistening of olive oil.”

“Besides the athletes being gay, will there be anything else distinguishing the Gay Sedona Olympic Games from the other Olympics,” asked some guy from the back of the parking lot.

Sir William replied, “There will be some changes in the appearance of the sports equipment. For instance, the hurdles will be painted the colors of the rainbow and most of the uniforms will be pink.”
“It is my understanding that Gay games 9 will include band and choral competitions. Will Gay Sedona Olympic Games sport these competitions,” posed some other guy.

“Thanks for asking an intelligible question,” Sir William grinned. “We intend to have a battle of the bands and a barber shop quartet competition. And, I might add, our games are not limited to the LGBT community. Straight people are welcome to compete and perform.

“The Gay Sedona Olympic Games are intended to show state politicians that we can live with and among each other in peace and harmony in spite of our differences; that we can embrace our brothers and sisters of any and every religion, race, creed or sexual orientation. If not, well then perhaps it is indeed time for Tucson and Northern Arizona and other tolerant areas of Arizona to secede from the state and work together to form a more perfect union.

“For now, I’m just looking ahead to May when I can shout, ‘Let the Gay Sedona Olympic Games begin’.”
With that Sir William gestured to the crowd and ascended into his waiting limousine.

 

This athlete was working on his jumping form when he heard that some legislators of Arizona may be stopping by for a peak.

This athlete was working on his jumping form when he heard that some legislators of Arizona may be stopping by for a peak.

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