October 22, 2018

CELEBRITIES RUN FOR OFFICE?

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Pictured is César Chávez – the real César Chávez, shown here in the late 1960s at the United Farm Workers (UFW) gathering, deciding whether or not to buy grapes. According to Wikipedia, he struggled through hunger strikes, imprisonment, abject poverty for himself and his large family, racist and corrupt judges, exposure to dangerous pesticides, and even assassination plots. Chávez remained true to the cause and to the non-violent methods he espoused. Upon death, more than 40,00 people marched behind his plain pine casket at his funeral procession.

 

by Blodwyn Smythe,
Name Game Reporter

SEDONA: A horde of reporters, onlookers and fans of Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric, gathered in the Sedona Performing Arts Center, owned by the residents of Sedona, though rarely utilized, to hear Sir William reveal the details behind celebrities running for political office.

Sir William opened the press conference, “I have gathered you here to reveal the details behind celebrities running for political office.
“Let men first assure you that the list of celebrities does not include me, even though I have been asked numerous times to run for a variety of political offices.

“I’d like to begin with the latest alleged celebrity to attempt to get his name on the ballot for the November elections. That would be none other than Cesar Chavez, a once deceased hero to farm workers and laborers throughout the United States. I say once deceased because his name has resurfaced due to a once Republican candidate for Congress named Scott Fistler recently legally changed his name and political party to run for the seat opened by the retirement of Congressman Ed Pastor.”

U.S. Rep. Ed Pastor, D-AZ. was the first Hispanic from Arizona elected to Congress and the senior member of the state’s delegation. He announced that he will retire at the end of this term, upon completing 23 years in Congress. In 2012, Pastor was re-elected by more than 80 percent, the highest percentage he had carried in any election.

“Does this guy have any chance of actually getting elected in such a heavily Hispanic populated area,” asked a reporter from Sedona’s small other paper. “And was that the reason for the name change?”

Sir William paused. He wasn’t used to two-part questions that made sense from this reporter. “No and could be. Other celebrities have been elected to office with little to no experience. There was Ronald Reagan – California Governor and U.S. President; Clint Eastwood – Mayor of Carmel, CA; Arnold Schwarzenegger – California Governor; Sonny Bono – Palm Springs, CA Mayor and U.S. Representative; Fred Thompson – U.S. Senator; Al Franken – U.S. Senator; and let’s not forget Jerry Springer – Cincinnati, OH Mayor and Jesse (The Body) Ventura – Minnesota Governor, to name a bunch.

“However, this newly emerged Cesar Chavez (formerly Scott Fistler) has no staff, no money and no scheduled public events, other than odd news interviews.”

“In your opening salvo, you alluded to celebrities in the plural. What other names can you drop that might be running for political office,” asked some guy.

Sir William pointed to the guy. “I have people around me more than qualified to serve our state and country. The only thing holding them back is name recognition. With name recognition comes financing. With enough financing, success is just around the corner.

“It doesn’t matter what party you represent or what district you run in, you can win if you have enough dough. That’s why we have the best government money can buy.

“But I digress. The people who have approached me for an endorsement for their candidacy are both men considering running for national office. One name change was easy – Benjamin Franklin, the First American. The other would prove to be more difficult, as this man was a member of the LGBT community. We thought it best he take the name of a famous woman.”

“Why Benjamin Franklin,” asked some other guy.

“Truth be told,” Sir William regaled, “Like me, Franklin was an editor, a mover and a shaker, an author, a statesman and a diplomat. As far as name recognition, you can’t get much better than the guy who gave us bifocals and the flexible catheter. He even created the concept of paying it forward.

“And beside, it makes for a great fund raising campaign ‘Send a Couple of Franklins to Franklin’,”
“What about the other guy,” asked the first guy.

Sir William smiled. “We gave this one a lot of thought – Marilyn Monroe? Nope, old Kennedy issues. Jane Fonda? Nope, Vietnam, and she’s still alive. Sacajewa? Nope. Even though she was the living compass for Lewis and Clarke, no one could agree on the pronunciation of her name. We finally settled on Pocahontas, though she may be linked to an NFL team’s namesake.

“To save our candidate embarrassment, the owner of the Redskins has decided to drop Washington from their name.”

With that, Sir William gestured to the crowd and ascended into his waiting limousine.

 

.Above is a rendition of Pocahontas, the daughter of Powhatan, Chief to the Algonquins. She later became Rebecca Rolfe.

.Above is a rendition of Pocahontas, the daughter of Powhatan, Chief to the Algonquins. She later became Rebecca Rolfe.

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One Response to “CELEBRITIES RUN FOR OFFICE?”
  1. Anton says:

    I attended the Sedona Bridal Boot Camp and Wedding Soiree event yetesrday and had an awesome time. The sponsors were warm and genuinely welcoming. They were commited to making our journey as personal and as easy as possible. I learned things that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. It was a wonderful event; an absolute must for all brides.

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