January 17, 2019

  • Antidotes to Despair in the New Year…by James Bishop, Jr.

    A surfeit of helicopters, out-of-town consultants, midnight gridlock, men with no names planning bridge at Red Rock Crossing more real estate agents than places to live, Javelinas threatening to dance in uptown. What to do? Don’t rent rooms to robots, they don’t pay well. Instead, fill your house with Vivaldi and bake fresh bread. Or go outside and listen to a Raven’s chatter. Do they have happy lives? Are they happier than we are? Look up at night, find the three sisters of Orion’s belt, and memorize them in Arabic! On a sunny day, learn to skateboard at Posse Grounds….

  • Trump’s Global Warning…by Will Durst

    Donald Trump and global warming. Not what you would call your match made in heaven. Rather, the pairing harkens closer to the other location. That hotter destination often described as being in a more Southernly direction. The one with the pitchfork racks on the scorched walls of the foyer. Not only does the president not believe in global warming, he thinks the exact opposite is going on. Whatever that is. He’s not really sure. But it’s definitely neither warming nor global. Could be localized. Could be cooling. Still snows in New Hampshire in the winter don’t it? His series of…

  • That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

    As a writer I have had it up to here with political correctness, but one problem in particular is trying to decide what to use in place of ‘he’ when there is an equal possibility of meaning ‘he’ or ‘she’. I acknowledge use of ‘he’ where a reference could just as easily be referring to a ‘she’ does seem unfair. Ignoring the fact that whoever said life was fair, was wrong, let’s explore alternatives. In most cases, using ‘he or she’ is acceptable, but is clumsy and using three words where one should suffice is wasteful. It might be better…

  • Ravens and Helicopters: Competition in Sedona’s Skies…by James Bishop Jr.

    From time to time, the skies above Sedona can be busy with ravens and helicopters. As the New Year looms, the truth must be faced: citizens likely know more about helicopters than they do about ravens even though ravens have been around as long as time itself and are much more interesting. Since prehistoric times even, back when there were Greek and Roman gods it was believed that ravens had divining powers. Nordic mythology, for example, places two ravens, one is thought and one is memory, on the shoulder of the god, Odin. At dawn, the birds flew off to…

  • That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

    Recently one of my siblings (we call him 3-of-6, except our sister, 1-of-6, who calls him 2-of-5) took to social media with a rant regarding package delivery services. Apparently after delivering a package to 3-of-6’s front stoop the miscreant sneaked off without ringing the doorbell or knocking, leaving the package unattended to the delight of stoop thieves who have been ramping up activities as the holidays approach. Even though 3-of-6 was able to retrieve the package before any absconding took place, he wondered when the policy had changed. Many of 3-of-6’s followers reinforced his frustration and one in particular wondered…

FEATURED SEDONA EDITION

Yachting Along the Verde River

Mar 27, 2017

Sedona Excentric World looks at the recent surge in yachting along the Verde River. The Verde has many narrow twists and turns and suffers from low levels during droughts. Currently, the weather Northern Arizona is experiencing has left many sections of the river unnavigable. To prevent property loss and possible personal injury, a local yacht maker, Cornville Cruisers, has designed a new luxury liner to please even the most discriminating boater. Pictured left is a prototype of what is expected to be crowding rivers across America and yes, the world, in decades to come. A vessel navigating at Mark Twain…

Snow and Sun Storing

Mar 27, 2017

CLIMATE CHANGE NEWS: Russia is storing winter snow in preparation for a dry, warm 2014. The host of the 2014 Winter Olympic Games, Sochi, Russia is preparing for a just-in-case scenario, a project costing more than $11 million. Winter games are dependent upon a lot of packed snow. Their wee-wee may contain too much vodka to make fake snow. The alarm has gone off and now Brazil, the host of the 2016 Summer Olympic Games, is rumored to be storing sunlight. STILL MORE UFO NEWS: In a recently released memo, the FBI has admitted that Herbert Hoover did order his…

Odd Couples

Mar 22, 2017

The Sedona Excentric World investigative team takes a look at odd couples, what with a divided country lead by a highly divided Congress while representing separations within one party. Perhaps the reason previous  congressional representatives seemingly got along, at least enough not to purposely damage the country, was that they knew each other socially. There were times when proposed legislation was not representative of the principles of one party or the other, but with meetings between leaders of each party a compromise could be made for the good of the country and patriotism. The general public never knew about the…

Nose Job

Mar 22, 2017

The other day I shaved my nose Without a second thought. And, now, I find my life has changed!— In fact, it’s changed a lot! While staring in the mirror I saw Some peach fuzz on my snout, And, so, I took my razor and I scraped it down and out! A few days passed, and once again, While studying my schnoz, I saw ferocious fuzziness, Like on a rabbit’s paws! Two weeks have come and gone and now My nose is cloaked in fur!— An unintended consequence, A pelt I can’t deter! I’m thinking now of changing jobs To…

Effects of a Winter Heavy with Precipitation

Mar 22, 2017

Sedona Excentric World staff members look at the effects of a winter heavy with precipitation. Trees and shrubs quenched their thirsts by springtime and the country was lush and green without envy. As amazing as it was to see the deserts of Phoenix dotted with verdant foliage, our staff was drawn to not only the enormity of this shrubbery and this peculiar use of ladders, but the signs displaying the fuel costs with zeros. One has to wonder if, once the bushes are trimmed to reveal the service station, the owners might raise their prices, especially with an influx of…

Here’s to You . . .

Mar 22, 2017

In April, Excentric staff members take a look at the problem of binge drinking. It is widely accepted among medical professionals that a glass of red wine each night can actually be good for the body. This woman seems to have found a way to follow her doctor’s recommendation and still reach a place of comfort she has become accustomed to. Glass blowers everywhere are hurrying to satisfy the rapidly growing demand.   Related posts: It All Starts Over a Glass of Wine Blind and in the Dark Grapes and the Grill . . . by Joel Mann, Staff Wine…

Typical Excentric Reader George Buchanan

Mar 22, 2017

This month’s typical Excentric Reader is George Buchanan of Dover, DE shown here with whom he refers to as “two fine ladies”–his wife, Peg, on one arm and their neighbor, Eileen, on the other. Judging solely by his arms, we believe Peg is to his left. All were standing outside of Sambo’s Tavern on the Delaware shore reading their favorite publication. We couldn’t help but notice the age restriction posted at the entrance. We certainly hope each of them were carrying identification, just in case they were carded. Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader

Heavy Petting Fine

Mar 22, 2017

PET POSING NEWS: A Florida man posted photos on Facebook showing himself hugging a baby manatee and was arrested on charges of harassing the endangered sea cow, wildlife officials said. A tipster saw the photos, alerting Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, which arrested a man on a misdemeanor charge punishable by up to six months in jail and a $500 fine. Dogs and cats everywhere, feeling a little endangered, are turning on their owners for heavy petting and the possible reward money. FOWL INVASION NEWS: Blackbirds and starlings have turned day to night in Hopkinsville, Kentucky. Simply put, their…

A Look into the Future: Highway Safety

Mar 22, 2017

Excentric World staff members look at the safety on America’s highways. Many states have rescinded annual state inspections requiring cars be safe before being allowed on state roads. Some say the revenue would bail out most states while making the roads safer. Mirrors may have helped this driver.   Related posts: An Excentric Look Into The Future Excentric Look into The Future Back To the Future, Part I An Excentirc Look Into The Future

Lesser Known March Holidays

Mar 22, 2017

March 26th is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day. March 1 . . . National Pig Day & Peanut Butter Lover’s Day March 2 . . . Old Stuff Day March 3 . . . I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and National Anthem Day March 4 . . . Holy Experiment Day March 5 . . . Multiple Personalities Day March 6 . . . National Frozen Food Day March 7 . . . National Crown Roast Of Pork Day March 8 . . . Be Nasty Day March 9 . . . Panic Day…

Popcorn Drip

Mar 22, 2017

by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland I went to see a movie at A Phoenix metroplex And found I am a dinosaur!— A “Cinesaurus  rex!” The first thing was the squishy seats!— Recliners with foot rests!— With infinite positions to Anesthetize the guests! The next thing was the menu with Martinis and Chablis, Roast suckling pig and quiche Lorraine And oven roasted brie! And, finally, the table that Swung underneath my chin! I wondered,  “Is this hospice with A movie screen and gin?” The waitress came to welcome me Installing the IV! “It’s liquid popcorn, sir,” she said. “With Medicare, it’s free!”…

The Trumpish Cabinet…by Will Durst

Feb 20, 2017

In typical liberal fashion, the mean weenie left has called Donald Trump’s cabinet horrible things. “Corrupt nitwits.” “Career criminals.” “Greedy thugs.” “Clueless dunces.” “Bad dancers.” But no one accuses them of being poor. Depending on whether you believe Bloomberg or the Wall Street Journal, the administration’s brain trust will be worth between 8 and 16 billion dollars. Trump’s not just going to drain the swamp, he’s going to subdivide it. Yes, he railed against Goldman- Sachs during the campaign, but a Commander- in- Chief knows the importance of expert money management, and The Donald has chosen a slew of people…

Sedona Queries

Feb 20, 2017

If Coffeepot Rock sees its shadow, do we have to switch from mocha lattes to iced cappuccinos? Can I use my Red Rock Pass to park anywhere and what if someone is in my space? If there is a Snoopy Rock, why isn’t there a Charlie Brown Rock and Lucy Rock? Who made Snoopy Rock, anyway? Where do all the people who work at A Day In The West go at night? Does everyone who lives in Cornville have to grow corn? Where is the mountain with the Indian Presidents’ faces on it? How come every time I visit a…

You May Teach In Sedona If…

Feb 20, 2017

You request the staff room be equipped with a valium salt lick. You want to slap people you overhear saying, “It must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off.” You believe chocolate is a food group. You want a “Shallow Gene Pool” box added to report cards, but realize as far as you’ll get is “Not Quite As Gifted As Others.” All personal life between August and June is a blur. You think calling you by your first name should be reserved for adults only, if that’s okay with the kids and their parents. You have…

Intelligent Life on Jupiter?

Feb 20, 2017

Q: I read about a new robotic submarine being developed by NASA to explore the oceans of one of Jupiter’s moons. This submarine is on test at the moment in a lake in Texas. Finding life elsewhere in the solar system would be a vital bolster to the Panspermia theory, the theory that intelligent life came from another planet or solar system. Do you think they’ll find intelligent life on Jupiter? A: Who knows? I’m amazed they found intelligent life in Texas. Q: My brother told me about a man who was contracted by the Department of Natural Resources to…

Copper

Feb 20, 2017

Sedona! Amusing things can happen here; never, ever doubt it! Like this one occasion here– Let me tell you all about it: T’other day, for heaven’s sake, I got myself arrested– Yep, that’s a fact that’s been quite well tested. I was approached by this large and very beefy cop Who claimed I’d ignored his signal for me to stop. I got the impression he thought I’d been drinking, With no reason at all for that kind of thinking. But a real drunk who’d just come out from a nearby bar Drove off– and hit that corpulent cop’s own car!…

Love for Valentines

Feb 20, 2017

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. “Never sign a valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens “‘The whole world loves a lover’ is an interesting theory, but a very bad legal defense.” — Keith Sullivan “Platonic love is like an inactive volcano.” — Andre Pevost “I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate–but looking for her is much…

Press Releases

Feb 20, 2017

Valentine’s Day: Healing your Heart Art Workshop: Wednesday, February 13th, from 6pm 7:30pm at Verde Valley Community Hospice, 859 Cove parkway#103, Cottonwood, AZ 86326. For more information: 928-592-2992. Free admission. This event is open for those who lost a loved one. You may bring a picture of your loved one when attending this art workshop. You are not alone on this journey because we are here for you! Come meet with others who also share the same experience and create your own peer support! Vittles, Vines & Valentines Special: Feb 13 thru 16. Looking to surprise your sweetheart with something…

Excentric Reader Rita Rusch

Feb 20, 2017

This month’s typical Excentric Reader is Rita Rusch, taken while she was visiting the Lowell Observatory in nearby Flagstaff. Rita was reading her favorite “earthly entertainment” waiting for the gates to open to sky watchers to observe the world beyond. We found it puzzling that Rita’s face was slightly out of focus from the rest of the picture. Usually, we are to blame. Since she was so near the location to communicate with other worlds, we believe she may have made contact and was protecting her identity.   Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader… Typical Excentric Reader Typical…

Socks Kitty

Feb 20, 2017

The Humane Society of Sedona, has all kinds of cats and kittens. Socks Kitty is nearly 6 years old, so he’s past his high energy and hi-jinx days. He has mellowed out into a young adult with a very sweet disposition. Socks Kitty is a silver tabby cat with lots of white. He may have come to the Humane Society as a stray, but he is obviously from a good home and is used to people, being brushed and getting petted. If you’re looking for a calm cat to be your new best friend, come to the Humane Society of Sedona and ask to meet Socks Kitty. Just realize, if…

That Really Bunches My Panties

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

As a writer I have had it up to here with political correctness, but one problem in particular is trying to decide what to use in place of ‘he’ when there is an equal possibility of meaning ‘he’ or ‘she’. I acknowledge use of ‘he’ where a reference could just as easily be referring to a ‘she’ does seem unfair. Ignoring the fact that whoever said life was fair, was wrong, let’s explore alternatives. In most cases, using ‘he or she’ is acceptable, but is clumsy and using three words where one should suffice is wasteful. It might be better…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

Recently one of my siblings (we call him 3-of-6, except our sister, 1-of-6, who calls him 2-of-5) took to social media with a rant regarding package delivery services. Apparently after delivering a package to 3-of-6’s front stoop the miscreant sneaked off without ringing the doorbell or knocking, leaving the package unattended to the delight of stoop thieves who have been ramping up activities as the holidays approach. Even though 3-of-6 was able to retrieve the package before any absconding took place, he wondered when the policy had changed. Many of 3-of-6’s followers reinforced his frustration and one in particular wondered…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

I’d like to introduce you to a new term. The term is “scope creep.” This is not an obnoxious guy hooked on mouthwash; it has to do with the way projects are handled. Husbands should be very aware of this concept, because wives have a natural instinct for it. Wives ask husbands to do a project, husbands agree and start on the project, but long before it is completed, the project starts to grow arms and legs. This is “scope creep,” the “scope” of the project is “creeping” outward in every direction. An example will illustrate this concept. The week…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

Downsizing, rightsizing, reduction in force, no matter what they call it, the end result is fewer employees doing the same or more work. A side benefit of this effort is less floor space required. Another approach is to maximize employee density. Managers, working with the facilities department, have become very creative when it comes to packing more employees into the same or less floor space. Constructing cubicles with movable partitions has been an effective tool in this effort for the last few years. The initial idea was very simple–just make each cubicle smaller. But there is a finite limit to…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

The seven-year-old daughter of a friend has reached a milestone in her educational program. She must learn to write cursive, or longhand, as some refer to it. We wonder why. As an adult I know that this is just one of many instances where it becomes necessary to learn something for no apparent reason. Take algebra for example. If it were not for my formal training I would not have been able to determine that the eighteen-ounce box of macaroni was actually a better deal than the two-pound box. But I wonder about cursive. When do you use it, and…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

A few years back I was sitting in my office and heard a sound coming from the parking lot that I had not heard since I left the snowdrifts of upstate New York in April of ’82. It was the sound of a vehicle being shifted alternately between forward and reverse accompanied by the sound of spinning tires. I immediately looked out my Phoenix, Arizona window to see if it had snowed while I was in that last meeting. I was relieved to see that it had not. After all, how far do I have to go to get away…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon marks

One Plus Five: By some standards, I grew up in a large family. I have five siblings. A generation before me, eight to ten was typical, and my parents came from typical families. My mother had seven siblings and my father had nine. I have some cousins that were older than my mom was. I was nearly eight when my third brother was about to be born. Counting my older sister and me that would make five. I was worried. My sister had told me that every fifth baby born in the world was Chinese. Of course, back then we…

Be Cool

Starting around May of every year, whenever I have a conversation with one of my relatives from some other part of the country, invariably I hear, “Well, I know it’s nothing like where you are, but it’s sure been hot here the last few days.” Arizona equates to hot. It’s just accepted. There are other places that are hotter, but no one knows anyone who lives there. To be accurate, not all of Arizona is hot. But most of the country thinks Arizona beef is medium-rare while it’s still walking around, chickens lay soft-boiled eggs, and you can just pull…