October 23, 2018

  • Why is Denialism now all the rage? Have our proud memories gone to dust?

    Harken to the words of Walt Whitman: “After you have exhausted what there is in business, politics, conviviality, and so on…what remains? Nature remains.” Elections are near and sadly, more and more leaders seem to believe that nature exists to be transformed and monetized and must be controlled; no matter if that means disenchanting meadows and wetlands, bulldozing streams, thereby turning open spaces into commodities, thus robbing nature of her independence. Why is denialism now all the rage? Have our proud memories gone to dust? Earth Day 1970 achieved a rare political alignment, enlisting support from Republicans and Democrats, rich…

  • That Really Bunches My Panties . . . by Brendon Marks

    The only bond that is stronger than the one between a man and his pick-up is the one between anyone and their convertible. Any vehicle can provide transportation, a means to get from one place to another, but a convertible sets you free to experience the joys of being mobile. A convertible allows the wind to caress your hair as your lover used to, and provides the opportunity to experience the sights, sounds, and smells of the world around you at a speed unsurpassed by any other mode of transportation. Who can forget the first time you drove by an…

  • Green Wave on the Horizon? . . . by James Bishop, Jr.

    “The wind that blows is all anybody knows.” — Henry David Thoreau In the Hopi American Indian language, Koyaanisqatsi translates as: a crazy Life, life in turmoil, life disintegrating, life out of balance and a state of life that calls for another way of living. In one of the Hopi prophesies about Koyaanisqatsi, it is said that if we “dig precious things from the land, it will invite disaster and near the day of purification, there will be cobwebs spun back and forth in the sky”. No cobwebs in the sky yet but it will not be long unless the…

  • That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

    Team Building… Whenever two or more people get together for a meeting, it is rare that some social conversation doesn’t take place, even in the strictest of business environments. Many companies encourage social interaction and refer to it as “team building.” I recall one point in my employment history when I worked for a few months on a particular project team where women outnumbered men about three to one. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I observed a strange phenomenon: a penchant for discussing bodily functions. I cannot attribute this behavior to women in general; I am only reporting what…

  • November 6, 2018…Let’s Get It Together…by Thom Stanley

    Friends and followers of the World Famous Sedona Excentric have been wondering why I have been waiting to weigh in on the current administration duly elected to represent and protect us all – every American and person on American soil. While that was once a task I took on monthly, I retired the hard copy version in 2015. The Bush administration had already crashed the world’s economy and my paper got caught up in the swill. I do, however, maintain ExcentricWorld.com website, where contributors like Brendon Marks and Will Durst and an occasional guest writer contribute every month. There is…

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Reigning Cats and Dogs

May 20, 2017

Where would we be without our pets? Not only do we consider them members of the family, but in some cases, we actually dress them as if they were human. You know who you are. It starts simple enough at Christmas parties when you put those silly fake antlers on top of the dog’s head–no matter the size of dog– and pretend the poor pooch is one of Santa’s reindeer. Over the years, the dog becomes Mr. or Mrs. Claus for the family photo. Then, before anyone has noticed, the dog appears in public in outfits ranging from cowboys to…

Democracy

May 20, 2017

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: DEMOCRACY “Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.” –Winston Churchill “Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.” –Benjamin Franklin “Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after…

Is That a Melomel?

Apr 23, 2017

Springtime brings the return of one of the great nerd pastimes here in Arizona, The Renaissance Faire. It may be a joke to many, but when the weather is great, it beats sitting in front of the television for entertainment. I’ve actually only been there once, but it was an enjoyable afternoon. Why am I talking about this in a booze column? Well, I know a few people involved in the faire and it happens to have a large concentration of do-it-yourself types that enjoy old traditional crafts as a hobby. It’s also tends to be a who’s who for the…

Typical Excentric Readers

Apr 23, 2017

Typical Excentric Readers from New Jersey are Megan Keenan and her friend Zoe shown here with the banana-seat bikes they unearthed behind an old barn while reading a copy of their favorite paper, The Sedona Excentric. They chose the location based on the fact that other kids and some adults were calling them “braniac” and “wonder girl” each time they read a new edition. The Excentric World Staff collectively salutes the girls and advises them to shine up those old bikes, then sell them on eBay.   Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric…

It All Starts Over a Glass of Wine

Apr 23, 2017

A common thread among many professionals in the wine industry is that their passion began over a particular glass of wine. I still remember the first wine that truly captured my attention. It was the 1997 Elderton Shiraz that I tasted at the Barossa winery during the local culinary festival (a bi-annual event that is now sadly defunct). The wine distinctively smelled like someone had cracked fresh black pepper into my glass. I’ve been a fan of that particular winery ever since. My little story segues into the topic for this month. I return to the Arizona wine roads and…

Changing the Name of Cornville?

Apr 23, 2017

Dear Ed., I’ve heard a nasty rumor that a certain element would like to change the name of Cornville to Santa Fe. Are they confused about where they live? If they want to live in Santa Fe , I suggest they move there. Or we could have a public vote taken, the Cornville way, right out in the open (and not in some sleazy dungeon where people whisper). That should fairly decide where we live. Below is a list of names I’ve imagined. Just circle the one you prefer and mail it to the Excentric. I’m sure they won’t cheat. 1. Santacorn 8. Fesantacorna…

The One That Got Away

Apr 23, 2017

The Excentric World investigative team takes a look at a recent discovery off the coast of Maryland that could rock the halls of the Chesapeake Bay Maritime Museum. Mermaid folklore began with the appearance of the Assyrian goddess Atargatis, who transforms herself into a mermaid out of shame for accidentally killing her human lover. Reported sightings of mermaids have been an integral part of tall tales of the deep waters since mankind began to sail the seven seas. Even Christopher Columbus, the wayward explorer who, for some unknown reason, is celebrated in the United States, claimed to have spotted mermaids…

The Legendary El Chupacabra

Apr 23, 2017

Q: I read where a Texas family believes the legendary El Chupacabra may be to blame for the death of dozens of chickens on their farm. The Garcia family of Horizon City says they were shocked to see 30 of their animals turn up dead overnight. Sherif’s deputies investigated the incident, but had no explanation on how the animals may have died. Do you think a Chupacabra could have killed their chickens? A: It’s possible. Although, I have recently seen evidence of conditions being so poor at chicken farms that mass suicides may have taken place. Q: A friend told…

COVEY OF CAUCUSES…by Will Durst

Apr 23, 2017

During the Trump Care Meltdown, when the same Republicans that chanted “Repeal & Replace” for 7 years, folded like a broken down lawn chair in a category 5 hurricane, we learned about a couple mysterious Republican Congressional Caucuses instrumental in torpedoing the AHCA. These two groups come from such opposite sides of the political spectrum they undoubtedly have dartboards with each other’s pictures tacked to the middle. The Freedom Caucus is made up of members that formerly self- identified as Tea Partiers but changed their name to interact with civilized people. Of course we’re referring to those unsung heroes of…

BROKEN NEWS…by Will Durst

Apr 23, 2017

Supposedly, the Chinese or the Arabs or the Scientologists or one of those ancient inscrutable cultures, has a saying that goes “May you live in interesting times.” It is generally considered to be a curse. And America right now is living in the most interesting of times. It’s breathtaking how thrilling and frenetic the news has gotten. Every single day. Almost too exciting. Starting to look like one of those pre-opening credits sequences of a science- fiction movie that takes place in the ruins of a dystopian civilization. “And Then All Hell Broke Loose.” It’s not just we news junkies;…

Yachting Along the Verde River

Mar 27, 2017

Sedona Excentric World looks at the recent surge in yachting along the Verde River. The Verde has many narrow twists and turns and suffers from low levels during droughts. Currently, the weather Northern Arizona is experiencing has left many sections of the river unnavigable. To prevent property loss and possible personal injury, a local yacht maker, Cornville Cruisers, has designed a new luxury liner to please even the most discriminating boater. Pictured left is a prototype of what is expected to be crowding rivers across America and yes, the world, in decades to come. A vessel navigating at Mark Twain…

Snow and Sun Storing

Mar 27, 2017

CLIMATE CHANGE NEWS: Russia is storing winter snow in preparation for a dry, warm 2014. The host of the 2014 Winter Olympic Games, Sochi, Russia is preparing for a just-in-case scenario, a project costing more than $11 million. Winter games are dependent upon a lot of packed snow. Their wee-wee may contain too much vodka to make fake snow. The alarm has gone off and now Brazil, the host of the 2016 Summer Olympic Games, is rumored to be storing sunlight. STILL MORE UFO NEWS: In a recently released memo, the FBI has admitted that Herbert Hoover did order his…

Odd Couples

Mar 22, 2017

The Sedona Excentric World investigative team takes a look at odd couples, what with a divided country lead by a highly divided Congress while representing separations within one party. Perhaps the reason previous  congressional representatives seemingly got along, at least enough not to purposely damage the country, was that they knew each other socially. There were times when proposed legislation was not representative of the principles of one party or the other, but with meetings between leaders of each party a compromise could be made for the good of the country and patriotism. The general public never knew about the…

Nose Job

Mar 22, 2017

The other day I shaved my nose Without a second thought. And, now, I find my life has changed!— In fact, it’s changed a lot! While staring in the mirror I saw Some peach fuzz on my snout, And, so, I took my razor and I scraped it down and out! A few days passed, and once again, While studying my schnoz, I saw ferocious fuzziness, Like on a rabbit’s paws! Two weeks have come and gone and now My nose is cloaked in fur!— An unintended consequence, A pelt I can’t deter! I’m thinking now of changing jobs To…

Effects of a Winter Heavy with Precipitation

Mar 22, 2017

Sedona Excentric World staff members look at the effects of a winter heavy with precipitation. Trees and shrubs quenched their thirsts by springtime and the country was lush and green without envy. As amazing as it was to see the deserts of Phoenix dotted with verdant foliage, our staff was drawn to not only the enormity of this shrubbery and this peculiar use of ladders, but the signs displaying the fuel costs with zeros. One has to wonder if, once the bushes are trimmed to reveal the service station, the owners might raise their prices, especially with an influx of…

Here’s to You . . .

Mar 22, 2017

In April, Excentric staff members take a look at the problem of binge drinking. It is widely accepted among medical professionals that a glass of red wine each night can actually be good for the body. This woman seems to have found a way to follow her doctor’s recommendation and still reach a place of comfort she has become accustomed to. Glass blowers everywhere are hurrying to satisfy the rapidly growing demand.   Related posts: It All Starts Over a Glass of Wine Blind and in the Dark Grapes and the Grill . . . by Joel Mann, Staff Wine…

Typical Excentric Reader George Buchanan

Mar 22, 2017

This month’s typical Excentric Reader is George Buchanan of Dover, DE shown here with whom he refers to as “two fine ladies”–his wife, Peg, on one arm and their neighbor, Eileen, on the other. Judging solely by his arms, we believe Peg is to his left. All were standing outside of Sambo’s Tavern on the Delaware shore reading their favorite publication. We couldn’t help but notice the age restriction posted at the entrance. We certainly hope each of them were carrying identification, just in case they were carded. Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader

Heavy Petting Fine

Mar 22, 2017

PET POSING NEWS: A Florida man posted photos on Facebook showing himself hugging a baby manatee and was arrested on charges of harassing the endangered sea cow, wildlife officials said. A tipster saw the photos, alerting Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, which arrested a man on a misdemeanor charge punishable by up to six months in jail and a $500 fine. Dogs and cats everywhere, feeling a little endangered, are turning on their owners for heavy petting and the possible reward money. FOWL INVASION NEWS: Blackbirds and starlings have turned day to night in Hopkinsville, Kentucky. Simply put, their…

A Look into the Future: Highway Safety

Mar 22, 2017

Excentric World staff members look at the safety on America’s highways. Many states have rescinded annual state inspections requiring cars be safe before being allowed on state roads. Some say the revenue would bail out most states while making the roads safer. Mirrors may have helped this driver.   Related posts: An Excentric Look Into The Future Excentric Look into The Future Back To the Future, Part I An Excentirc Look Into The Future

Lesser Known March Holidays

Mar 22, 2017

March 26th is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day. March 1 . . . National Pig Day & Peanut Butter Lover’s Day March 2 . . . Old Stuff Day March 3 . . . I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and National Anthem Day March 4 . . . Holy Experiment Day March 5 . . . Multiple Personalities Day March 6 . . . National Frozen Food Day March 7 . . . National Crown Roast Of Pork Day March 8 . . . Be Nasty Day March 9 . . . Panic Day…

That Really Bunches My Panties

That Really Bunches My Panties . . . by Brendon Marks

The only bond that is stronger than the one between a man and his pick-up is the one between anyone and their convertible. Any vehicle can provide transportation, a means to get from one place to another, but a convertible sets you free to experience the joys of being mobile. A convertible allows the wind to caress your hair as your lover used to, and provides the opportunity to experience the sights, sounds, and smells of the world around you at a speed unsurpassed by any other mode of transportation. Who can forget the first time you drove by an…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

Team Building… Whenever two or more people get together for a meeting, it is rare that some social conversation doesn’t take place, even in the strictest of business environments. Many companies encourage social interaction and refer to it as “team building.” I recall one point in my employment history when I worked for a few months on a particular project team where women outnumbered men about three to one. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I observed a strange phenomenon: a penchant for discussing bodily functions. I cannot attribute this behavior to women in general; I am only reporting what…

That Really Bunches My Panties . . . by Brendon Marks

In general, human beings like having an order or natural progression to things. Three teaspoons make one tablespoon, 16 tablespoons make a cup, two cups to a pint, two pints to a quart, and four quarts to gallon. However, it breaks down when you get to barrels. A typical barrel is different from either a beer, oil, or whiskey barrel, and forget about a hogshead. All of this varies depending upon where you are in the world as well, which is why when I moved to Arizona and found out the people here have several different names for what are…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

It won’t be long before a real human speaking on a telephone will be outlawed. If you want to call your mother, you will push a few buttons on your phone, press the ‘send’ button, lay your phone on the table, and go take a shower. The phone will do everything. Of course, you have to remember, your phone will be talking to your mother’s voice mail, so they’ll get along just fine. Lately, I’ve been getting the usual number of telemarketing calls, but they’ve been different. They’re not human beings anymore; they’re recordings or “robocalls”. One report I read…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

I’m sure you’ve heard about the Kopi Luwak coffee that is made from beans recovered from Civet Cat dung. I have always been curious about the guy who first picked through a dung heap in the jungle, recognized the coffee beans and thought it would be a good idea to make a pot. Firstly I assume it was a guy, because even though I have known some women who buy into weird ideas, like wearing a shirt that buttons up the back, I can’t blame this idea on a woman. Secondly, he must have had a powerful craving for coffee…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

That’s A Nice Looking Lawn. When I lived in town my neighbors had lawns in front of their homes. I make this distinction because I didn’t have a lawn; I had desert landscaping. Gravel, cacti, sagebrush, and a few other drought-resistant, and more importantly, low-maintenance plants. Each neighbor had a different approach to taking care of his lawn. One neighbor did the job himself. I remember when he moved in. It was a new home, he moved in on a weekend. The next Friday he had sod delivered, Saturday he put it down, and a week later he mowed it….

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

KEEP IN TOUCH… At company going-away parties, retirement parties or even when the employee who’s leaving isn’t well-liked enough to qualify for a party, and spends the last week on the job going from office to office saying good-bye to everyone who doesn’t see him coming, the last thing said is, “Let’s keep in touch.” Since I hate to make promises I don’t intend to keep, I need some ground rules. An instruction manual would be even better. What exactly does “keeping in touch,” mean? What is the minimum level of contact that fulfills the obligation of that phrase? A…

That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

I used to own one vehicle from each of the four major manufacturers, (Chrysler, Ford, General Motors and Japan), so I expected to buy four different oil filters. I was not prepared for what I encountered. The auto parts store where I shop has a bazillion different oil filters. So many that they have a big book, hanging on a chain from a shelf, that you use to find the oil filter for your vehicle. You scan the charts to find the make and year of your vehicle, then narrow it down using other factors such as engine size, number…