December 17, 2018

You’re in Cornville If…

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  • Your golf cart is street legal and can outpace most cars.
  • You can pay by check or credit card for window washing.
  • Meals-On-Wheels is the name of a pizza delivery business.
  • Your yard is fenced and separated according to species.
  • You have an abundance of unused Tupperware lids because the bottoms are scattered through the house collecting drips.
  • You have to borrow money from a distant relative to shop at the dollar store.
  • Your personal experience qualifies you as a licensed midwife.
  • You have a vast collection of Barbie Dolls without heads.
  • You decorate everything in your yard during all holidays, except Yom Kippur.
  • Everything you own that has wheels has been modified for off-reading.
  • Your Zip Code is EIEIO and your cell phone number is BR549.
  • Your keys and your wallet are attached to different loops on your jeans.
  • Police, fire and animal control officials all know your family by your first names.
  • You carry a piece of cardboard to catch the oil drips in nicer neighborhoods with driveways.
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