December 9, 2023

The Ouija Board’s Reputation


Q: Mention the use of a Ouija board to a paranormal research group these days and you’ll get a lot of head shaking and statements about “opening portals” and “demonic entities.” Mention it to religious fundamentalists and you’ll practically see them shudder and back away on shaky legs, as if the board was created by Satan himself as a means of enslaving human souls. How did the Ouija board and similar “talking boards” get this reputation?

A: I think Mr. Hasbro had a lot to do with it. The best way to get teenagers to buy something is to tell them it is bad for them. Hasbro did a great job.

Q: My girlfriend and I were driving down a well lit road late at night after a midnight movie recently. All of a sudden a girlish figure appeared in the middle of the road. She didn’t seem threatening, but we were both frightened to the point of making a u-turn. As I looked back in the mirror, I noticed she had lifted her arms and then, out of nowhere, a streetlight above her burst. Do ghosts have those kinds of powers or was it a coincidence?

A: I don’t know. Perhaps the ghost had something against streetlights. This is definitely something the Sedona City Council should have considered.

Q: A cab driver on Solomon Island recently revealed that he had an eerie experience of picking up a passenger at Panatina field “who just disappeared in the vehicle.” It was revealed that following an encounter with a ghost “the person will feel sick every evening and the only cure is to visit the church brothers.” Does anything like that happen where you live?

A: I’m sure it does. Maybe one difference is that passengers here seem like ghosts because when it comes time to leave a tip, they are suddenly and mysteriously gone. Our cabbies too feel sick, but they choose to recover with their saloon brothers.

Q: Bigfoot appears to be on the move through the wilds of Northern B.C. A rash of three sightings between late July and August has brought about speculation from paranormal specialists as to what the creature might be up to. I have a researcher friend in Saskatchewan who thinks it may have something to do with increased bear sightings. What do you think?

A: One Bigfoot expert believes that Sasquatch has been fleeing the United States and heading for Canada, to join along with other liberals and those seeking the value of a higher Canadian dollar.


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