July 6, 2022

INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman


SPELLING BE NEWS: A Minnesota high school has issued yearbooks with the name of the school misspelled on the cover. What should have read Moorhead, is Moorehead. The errant “e” is said to have come from the same person who taught former Vice President Dan Quayle how to spell potato(e). It’s a good thing politicians don’t want to spend money on education. After all, a mine is a terrible thing to waste.

BRING ON THE NOISE NEWS: Years ago, Germany’s Chancellor Merkel’s husband filed a complaint on an open-air theater group performing opposite the couple’s apartment in Berlin for violating a 60-decibel noise limit by eight decibels. More recently, some noise seems to be acceptable. In 2011 their government abolished regulations allowing Germans to file legal complaints against Kindergartens or playgrounds due to of the “noise” of kids at play. It seems the greatest noise makers are still the politicians.

SWEET TEMPTATIONS NEWS: Researchers responsible for highlighting the health risks behind consuming sugary soft drinks now say that fruit smoothies and juices may be just as bad for you as soda since they contain the same amount of sugar. Since many countries, including the United States are replacing soda machines in schools with juice dispensers and adults are turning to smoothies, big soda companies are buying up the juice and smoothy makers. Soon there will be Grape Juice Zero. One would suggest we drink water, but in many countries, that will kill you faster.

SPECIAL DELIVERY NEWS: A stork once detained by Egyptian authorities on suspicion of being a winged spy has been found dead. This is the second time Egypt has accused a bird tagged for research purposes of being a spy for Israel. While the bird didn’t divulge any information during exhaustive interrogations, including water boarding, the bird’s leg band did reveal that the bird did indeed immigrate from Israel, but only left to reunite with family.

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