January 16, 2018

Inside The News . . .

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SHADOWY NEWS: A groundhog died after being handled and then dropped by New York City Mayor, Bill de Blazio during this year’s Staten Island Zoo Groundhog Day ceremony. First, the groundhog was not the regular groundhog, Chuck but a stand-in named Charlotte, who saw her shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. Perhaps the people running the zoo should realize groundhogs are wild rodents and not pets or playthings.

MUTANT NINJA NEWS: A Canadian man has been charged after border agents at the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel found more than 50 turtles strapped to his body and hidden between his legs. The small turtles were shipped to a Detroit postal center from Alabama. The man was stopped in Windsor, Ontario after re-crossing the border. He was charged with smuggling, illegal trading and exporting. Thousands of requests were made to the Detroit Police for photos.

HIGH TIMES NEWS: An Alaska television reporter wrapped up a live segment on medical marijuana with a curse and an “I quit,” telling viewers she will work instead to legalize pot in the state. “I … will be dedicating all of my energy toward fighting for freedom and fairness, which begins with legalizing marijuana here in Alaska,” the reporter said, adding “And as for this job, well, not that I have a choice but, f*** it, I quit.” If one didn’t know better, she appeared as though she could have used a little toke prior to air time.

ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY NEWS: A Philadelphia man used a banana he swiped from a convenience store counter to simulate a gun while he robbed the place. According to law enforcement, a video shows the man taking a banana from a bin, placing it in his jacket pocket simulating a gun and demanded money and cigarettes. An undisclosed amount of money was taken, then the man fled the scene on bicycle. Because he was on a bike and used a fruit as a weapon police believe the cigarettes were for the lookout.

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INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman
Inside The News . . .by David Fidelman
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