January 17, 2019

ROLLING BLACKOUTS . . . by Joseph G. Evrard, Staff Kentuckian

I just got back from California (birthplace of the rolling blackout).  I guess by now you’ve heard about those rolling blackouts. As a member of the original team invited to tour the electricity storage caverns (remember my column on Stale Electricity?), I was recently called upon to tour the California Blackout Factory where these things are manufactured. As you might imagine, these blackout things didn’t just happen by themselves and jump onto the scene. There’s a considerable history of development, which provides a fascinating insight into the origins of this phenomenon. I was surprised to learn the folks who perfected…

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That Really Bunches My Panties by Brendon Marks

As I waited my turn at the counter in the bowling alley, I casually watched a young guy behind the counter spray something into each one of the collection of rental shoes that had been returned by previous bowlers. I thought, ‘It’s good they do that. No tellin’ what sort of feet have been in those shoes.’ Then it occurred to me that I really didn’t know what the spray was. It could be a disinfectant or it could be only a deodorant or even just compressed air like you use to blast the toast crumbs out of your computer…

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Automotive Breakdown… by Denny Mandeville, Owner/Canyon Automotive, Sedona

Summer is coming, and, historically, the last weekend in May gives rise to the dreaded triple digit temperatures (at least in the lower elevations). We may be smug with our 90’s temperatures, but even those temperatures are hard on your car. And the triple digits will come to beautiful Sedona before anyone is truly ready. Just as summer is coming so is the time to prepare for your summer traveling even if the expected extent of your journey is Phoenix. If your excursion plans include San Diego or Rocky Point, a little more preparation would be wise. Did you know…

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The Joy of Parenting?

Our crack staff takes a look at today’s parents. In America, young parents seem to think that denying their children of any experience is a drawback and detrimental to their overall well-being. Parents today refuse to discipline their children or tell them “no.” If they have issues with the way they were raised, it would stand to reason that they would be flawed and therefore incapable of making sound parental decisions. C’mon, what parent in their right or left mind would photograph their kid being eaten by a camel? Related posts: Seniors Setting New Password You May Teach In Sedona…

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EDITOR: CLINTON IS RUNNING

Pictured is Ms. Hillary Clinton. To date, she is the only American to serve both as U.S. Senator and the U.S. Secretary of State. Add to that, she also was First Lady for eight years, and the only first lady to serve the senate. While many people, mostly democrats, are clamoring for her to run for president, others, mostly republicans, are wishing she would simply retire. Polls show that compared to every potential republican running for president, Hillary Clinton would win handily. The more serious question is what would become of Joe Biden – the only politician that got it right…

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Let The Fests Begin. . . by Joel Mann, Staff Wine Tasting Guy

Springtime kicks off the beer festival season in Arizona. It almost marches in lockstep with the words “pitchers and catchers” to open spring training. While some fests may change, there are several throughout the year one can count on. It begins with the Strong Beer Festival which occurred just last weekend as I write this. The Great Arizona Beer Festival is of course the big event during the season, usually in March. When the weather is blazing hot, action shifts to the cool climes of Flagstaff and the summertime Made in the Shade Festival. The year wraps-up come fall down…

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Typical Excentric Reader

This month’s typical Excentric Readers are Drew and Arie Smith of Fort Worth, TX visiting San Antonio for a weekend, shown here in front of the Mission San Antonio de Valero with their Excentric. Roughly 200 Texan defenders fought courageously here, but eventually succumbed to 1500 soldiers from the Mexican Army. Their bravery inspired other Texans, and 6 weeks later, the Mexican Army was defeated at the Battle of San Jacinto, thereby ending the revolution.  While the Alamo has served as a variety of purposes, such as a church, school, hospital, etc., and even  the alleged location of Pee Wee…

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A Whiskey-Golden Time . . . By Bishop, Special Eccentric Excentric

As soon as I enter the door of a tavern, I experience oblivion of care, and a freedom from concern…there is nothing which has yet to be contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced by a good tavern.                           Samuel Johnson, London, 1777  The news spread faster than a Tea Party Lie. In legendary London, and in villages nearby, 7000 pubs are being closed—forever leaving local quaffers and boozers to face a dreaded, dryer future: No local community gathering place to have a nip, hear the gossip and bet a bit on Cricket. Longtime Sedonans know that…

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Experience

Have you noticed lately that everyone wants you to have an “Experience?” Turn on your TV and you’ll hear car dealers talking about your buying experience or your ownership experience or how nice your maintenance experience will be. The lawn mower guys want me to have the Dixon ZTR experience. We can now have a dining experience, driving experience, a vacation experience, a shopping experience, or if we buy the right organic foods, a Wellness Experience! Whatever happened to good old-fashioned experience – the stuff you had to have to land a job; the stuff you needed to succeed in…

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The Barely Mobile Homes

The next time you come up behind one of those lumbering giants called an RV on the road between Wickenburg and Wikieup here are some things to think about as you crawl along, waiting for the next passing zone. Did you ever notice that you never catch up to one when the road is straight and flat? It’s always when the road is so steep and crooked that you can almost read your own back license plate, and the passing zones contain only two dashes. You creep up, trying not to think about dodging the avalanche of aluminum folding chairs…

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The Joy of Easter?

Our crack staff takes a look at the celebration of Easter. Like many holidays that started out as Pagan rituals then turned into Holy Days and then were hijacked by corporations, Easter is currently known in the United States for egg hunts, candy-filled baskets, lilies, cards and visits with a giant bunny. The word Easter is derived from another language meaning Passover. Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection occurred after he went to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover (or Pesach in Hebrew), the Jewish festival commemorating the ancient Israelites’ exodus from slavery in Egypt. Somehow, between then and now, marshmallow chicks, jelly beans…

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GAY SEDONA OLYMPIC GAMES?

Pictured is an Olympian of games past. While normally a head is required to compete in such grueling sporting trials, it is clear from the picture that it is not necessary. This athlete shows her prowess and power while performing some kind of jump during her gymnastic event. Since the Gay Sedona Olympic Games will be held outdoors, such exploits will not be observed. While this photo may encourage some people to ask where her head is, recent activities by the state of Arizona legislature, has a great many people, not only in Arizona, but around the country asking where the…

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The Color Of Red (Or Purple) . . . by Joel Mann

One of the least understood aspects of wine, even by industry professionals, is the science of wine color. Whether it’s the crystal clear of a light white wine, the pale garnet of Burgundy, or the inky dark of Petite Sirah, the physics behind wine color are not straightforward, and often confusing without an understanding of biochemistry. I want to give a few ABC’s on wine color. I’ll try to keep the advanced chemistry to a minimum. One aspect of wine color that novices don’t understand is that for the most part wine color comes from the grape’s skin. It’s the…

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No News From Doodlebug Island

The Doodlebug Island Philosopher’s Society meets more or less monthly in a back room of whatever hotel, tavern, or business from which their rancorous disputes haven’t gotten them barred, so, over time, their circumstances have been reduced to less conducive places, and the meetings themselves occur somewhat sporadically. Festivities this month took place in Mildred’s Hair Salon amid dryers and styling paraphernalia. But, strangely, it was reported to be the most peaceful and decorous on record! Why, it might have been thought to have been a gathering of Quaker Friends, for in the face of normal threats of violence and…

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Welcome The Cypress Queen

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin (1939 – )  “Day dies into night,” wrote the great Tertullian “and is everywhere buried in darkness…and yet again it revives, with its own beauty, its own dowry, the same as before, whole and unimpaired.” Is that a fair description of Sedona? Perhaps one day that was true about residents as well as landscape.  But it would be irresponsibly misleading to declare that today. Day after day more and more land is being impaired by ‘dozers; more of the blessed Verde River is heading for dry sections; and…

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Proper Pet Care

SHHHH! Buck is asleep. Just before he passed out from eating too much barbecue, I heard him say he had to write a column for the paper. So, as his true best friend, I’m pitching in to help out. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m “Buckshot,” Buck’s cat and our lesson for today is proper pet care. If anybody knows how pets should be cared for, it’s me! You’re probably wondering how a cat can write this. I do everything with Buck.  Everywhere he goes, I go.  Everything he does, I watch. (Don’t’ get the crazy idea that I do…

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Lawn Maintenance

This chapter in my “How-to” book discusses the establishment and maintenance of a traditional lawn. Assuming that you’re starting from nothing, establishing a new lawn is a monumental task. Just mentioning the fact in casual conversation with your friends will cause them to scatter like a covey of quail, especially those that own a pick-up truck or trailer. The fact that you are considering a lawn is proof that you’ve never done it before, and therefore, have no idea what you’re doing. This is a deadly combination, and no amount of free beer will overcome the handicap. For the purpose…

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STATE OF THE ONION ADDRESS

  Pictured is a mug shot of James Traficant, the former Ohio congressman booked at the Summit County, Ohio jail in July 2002. You were most likely expecting someone famous, like Justin Beiber. We, at the Excentric, don’t go for that kind of sensationalism – using a celebrity’s misguided adventure for our gain. So, instead, we picked a mug shot of just one among a slew of disgraced politicians. It was also agreed upon that the picture be of someone who possesses a limited ability to retaliate. Coming in a close second was Rush Limbaugh, who, like others was arrested on…

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No News from Doodlebug Island . . . by William F. Jordan

Christmas on Doodlebug Island got off to a promising start this year when Gustave Fleming began decorating his store—Gustave’s Candy Kitchen—with lights, ribbons, ornaments, figures, tinsel, and wreathes in honor of the season. No religious recognition this! All was fantasy, and his plan was that he would be the center of it! He looked forward to the day before Christmas when he would sit ensconced in a wicker chair surrounded by figures of elves and gnomes, dispensing candy canes and other confections to passers-by and ho-hoing in tones loud enough to be heard a block away. He rather figured that…

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Italian Bubbles . . . by Joel Mann, Staff Wine Tasting Guy

The holiday months from Halloween through Valentine’s Day and to a lesser extent Easter are prime seasons for sparkling wines. The last few years have witnessed the rise in popularity of one sparkler in particular, Italian Prosecco. The combination of improved quality, value for the price, and savvy marketing have positioned this wine style as the latest trend in many consumers drinking choices. So to toast a new year, I’ll delve a little deeper into the world of Prosecco. Prosecco hails from the Trieste region of Italy in the far northeast of the country along the Alpine borders of Austria…

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