October 18, 2018

Why is Denialism now all the rage? Have our proud memories gone to dust?

Harken to the words of Walt Whitman: “After you have exhausted what there is in business, politics, conviviality, and so on…what remains? Nature remains.” Elections are near and sadly, more and more leaders seem to believe that nature exists to be transformed and monetized and must be controlled; no matter if that means disenchanting meadows and wetlands, bulldozing streams, thereby turning open spaces into commodities, thus robbing nature of her independence. Why is denialism now all the rage? Have our proud memories gone to dust? Earth Day 1970 achieved a rare political alignment, enlisting support from Republicans and Democrats, rich…

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That Really Bunches My Panties . . . by Brendon Marks

The only bond that is stronger than the one between a man and his pick-up is the one between anyone and their convertible. Any vehicle can provide transportation, a means to get from one place to another, but a convertible sets you free to experience the joys of being mobile. A convertible allows the wind to caress your hair as your lover used to, and provides the opportunity to experience the sights, sounds, and smells of the world around you at a speed unsurpassed by any other mode of transportation. Who can forget the first time you drove by an…

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Green Wave on the Horizon? . . . by James Bishop, Jr.

“The wind that blows is all anybody knows.” — Henry David Thoreau In the Hopi American Indian language, Koyaanisqatsi translates as: a crazy Life, life in turmoil, life disintegrating, life out of balance and a state of life that calls for another way of living. In one of the Hopi prophesies about Koyaanisqatsi, it is said that if we “dig precious things from the land, it will invite disaster and near the day of purification, there will be cobwebs spun back and forth in the sky”. No cobwebs in the sky yet but it will not be long unless the…

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That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

Team Building… Whenever two or more people get together for a meeting, it is rare that some social conversation doesn’t take place, even in the strictest of business environments. Many companies encourage social interaction and refer to it as “team building.” I recall one point in my employment history when I worked for a few months on a particular project team where women outnumbered men about three to one. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I observed a strange phenomenon: a penchant for discussing bodily functions. I cannot attribute this behavior to women in general; I am only reporting what…

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November 6, 2018…Let’s Get It Together…by Thom Stanley

Friends and followers of the World Famous Sedona Excentric have been wondering why I have been waiting to weigh in on the current administration duly elected to represent and protect us all – every American and person on American soil. While that was once a task I took on monthly, I retired the hard copy version in 2015. The Bush administration had already crashed the world’s economy and my paper got caught up in the swill. I do, however, maintain ExcentricWorld.com website, where contributors like Brendon Marks and Will Durst and an occasional guest writer contribute every month. There is…

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That Really Bunches My Panties . . . by Brendon Marks

In general, human beings like having an order or natural progression to things. Three teaspoons make one tablespoon, 16 tablespoons make a cup, two cups to a pint, two pints to a quart, and four quarts to gallon. However, it breaks down when you get to barrels. A typical barrel is different from either a beer, oil, or whiskey barrel, and forget about a hogshead. All of this varies depending upon where you are in the world as well, which is why when I moved to Arizona and found out the people here have several different names for what are…

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That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

It won’t be long before a real human speaking on a telephone will be outlawed. If you want to call your mother, you will push a few buttons on your phone, press the ‘send’ button, lay your phone on the table, and go take a shower. The phone will do everything. Of course, you have to remember, your phone will be talking to your mother’s voice mail, so they’ll get along just fine. Lately, I’ve been getting the usual number of telemarketing calls, but they’ve been different. They’re not human beings anymore; they’re recordings or “robocalls”. One report I read…

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That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

I’m sure you’ve heard about the Kopi Luwak coffee that is made from beans recovered from Civet Cat dung. I have always been curious about the guy who first picked through a dung heap in the jungle, recognized the coffee beans and thought it would be a good idea to make a pot. Firstly I assume it was a guy, because even though I have known some women who buy into weird ideas, like wearing a shirt that buttons up the back, I can’t blame this idea on a woman. Secondly, he must have had a powerful craving for coffee…

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That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

That’s A Nice Looking Lawn. When I lived in town my neighbors had lawns in front of their homes. I make this distinction because I didn’t have a lawn; I had desert landscaping. Gravel, cacti, sagebrush, and a few other drought-resistant, and more importantly, low-maintenance plants. Each neighbor had a different approach to taking care of his lawn. One neighbor did the job himself. I remember when he moved in. It was a new home, he moved in on a weekend. The next Friday he had sod delivered, Saturday he put it down, and a week later he mowed it….

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That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

KEEP IN TOUCH… At company going-away parties, retirement parties or even when the employee who’s leaving isn’t well-liked enough to qualify for a party, and spends the last week on the job going from office to office saying good-bye to everyone who doesn’t see him coming, the last thing said is, “Let’s keep in touch.” Since I hate to make promises I don’t intend to keep, I need some ground rules. An instruction manual would be even better. What exactly does “keeping in touch,” mean? What is the minimum level of contact that fulfills the obligation of that phrase? A…

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No News From Doodlebug Island…by William F Jordan

The small crowd gathered in front of Jenkin’s drugstore waiting for it to open had found a source of amusement, and as I approached, I could see that the fun seemed to revolve around a neighbor and friend of mine, John Wetzel. For some reason, John was holding his hand to his face, and I at first thought he must be trying to dull the pain of a toothache, but I shortly learned different. It seems that, unknown to most of us, John wears a bridge, and, on a recent trip to Fort Lauderdale, one of the two teeth on…

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That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

I used to own one vehicle from each of the four major manufacturers, (Chrysler, Ford, General Motors and Japan), so I expected to buy four different oil filters. I was not prepared for what I encountered. The auto parts store where I shop has a bazillion different oil filters. So many that they have a big book, hanging on a chain from a shelf, that you use to find the oil filter for your vehicle. You scan the charts to find the make and year of your vehicle, then narrow it down using other factors such as engine size, number…

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No News From Doodlebug Island…by William F Jordan

Their ranks swollen by the addition of a fourth member as irresolute as themselves, the Geezers, as they are affectionately called by other residents of Doodlebug Island, lolled on the grassy banks of Oak Creek, taking the sun and paying only scant attention to their lines. “Fellows,” said Frank Gadston, “our credit is all used up, Spud’s and Fred’s social security checks aren’t due for a week, and our treasury amounts to little more than these poles and the clothes on our back. We gotta do somethin’ fast!” “We could maybe resurrect that idea you had about starting an escort…

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That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

Almost every article I write generates some sort of feedback, and I am amazed at the diverse range of the reactions. No article is universally liked or disliked, and almost every article elicits a response from one person saying it is the best I’ve ever done while another person says it’s the worst. Those two people are different from one article to the next. I’ve also gotten pretty good at predicting who will like or dislike an article. I have long since stopped trying to make every article appeal to every reader, because I realize it is an impossible task….

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No Means No…by Will Durst

An avalanche of revelations concerning public figures engaging in various sexual assaults has tumbled down upon our heads and the airwaves are consumed with accusations, recriminations, equivocations and ethical gyrations, not to mention the threat of career annihilations. And it couldn’t happen to a more deserving aggregation of guys. Since early October, after numerous women came forward to accuse Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein of sexually abusive behavior, huge numbers of high-profile males have faced similar charges and either been fired, allowed to resign, lost committee leadership positions, had projects canceled, entered rehab, become incapable of speech or were favorite to…

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No News From Doodlebug Island…by William F Jordan

For three men so remarkably different from one another, Nebs Dolfinger, Howard Doaks, and Tracy Burliner were alike in at least one thing. They all wanted to know how the parking meter got from its moorings in front of the First National Bank of Doodlebug into the back of Rick Nesbitt’s truck. And Rick wasn’t saying. Island policeman Nebs Dolfinger rather thought it signaled a new wave of street crime. Prosecuting attorney Howard Doaks was of the opinion Rick had put it there himself, intending to rob it later; while Judge Tracy Burliner thought it could be either of these…

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That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

One of my former co-workers, Exudahagen (not his real name), X for short, can jump into any conversation and keep talking until every possible discussion point for that particular subject has been eliminated. He moves from one subject to another without leaving a gap, without even taking a breath. It’s impossible to hold a conversation with him–you can only listen. If you do decide to say something, you must watch closely for the signs that he is nearing a transition point. Usually he starts to talk a little slower. His brain is now furiously multi-tasking. Part is controlling his tongue,…

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No News From Doodlebug Island…by William F Jordan

Of all the eloquent speakers who live among the leafy wonders of Doodlebug Island, none is more eloquent than a man who doesn’t speak at all! Struck dumb and with total hearing loss through what his doctors called “brain fever” when he was but a year old—a disease now more familiarly known as scarlet fever—Al Kinesian retained his sight and an inventive mind with which he has developed a language of his own, one that depends on gesture and intuition rather than sound. Furthermore, it is a language filled with more nuances than the average person would deem possible. To…

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That Really Bunches My Panties…by Brendon Marks

I’d like to introduce you to a new term. The term is “scope creep.” This is not an obnoxious guy hooked on mouthwash; it has to do with the way projects are handled. Husbands should be very aware of this concept, because wives have a natural instinct for it. Wives ask husbands to do a project, husbands agree and start on the project, but long before it is completed, the project starts to grow arms and legs. This is “scope creep,” the “scope” of the project is “creeping” outward in every direction. An example will illustrate this concept. The week…

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Scientific Team Creates Synthetic Sperm…by Blodwyn Smythe

For years, a small team of women scientists have been secretly working on the invention of synthetic sperm that could be inseminated into a woman’s fallopian tubes. As the ovulation process occurs, the spermites (as they are currently tagged by its creators) would then swim upstream on a quest to fertilize an egg. Women have argued for decades that the primary reasons for the existence of men was to mow the lawn, open jars with stubborn lids and provide sperm for procreation. Now that riding mowers are more affordable and an electric jar lid remover has hit the market, the…

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