December 4, 2020

Embarrassing Medical Exams…

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s  going to have her baby in the cab.” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – and I was in the wrong one. 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” replied the patient. 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad…

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Legal Matters, But So Do Brains

The following 20 questions were asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and in certain cases the responses given by the insightful witnesses as reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association lawyers Journal. 1) “Now Dr., isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?” 2) “The youngest son, the 20-year-old, hold is he?” 3) “Were you present when your picture was taken?” 4) “Were you alone or by yourself?” 5) “Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?” 6) “Did he kill you?” 7)…

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Increase the Minimum Wage!

Our Excentric Investigative Staff take a look  at the reasoning behind keeping the minimum wage at or below poverty level. While the richest 1% of wage earners in the United States had massive increases in their salaries and bonuses, the rest of the country has experienced stagnating incomes. Meanwhile, costs of everything from milk and bread to veggies and meat. While shopping, our staff noticed that companies who seemed to keep their products at or near the same prices of recent years past are offering smaller amounts in smaller in smaller containers, thereby tricking the average buyer  and keeping them…

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How The Internet Really Got Started . . .

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doest thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?” And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel…

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Top Morons, in case you missed it

1. AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence. 2. Police in Oakland, CA , spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, ‘Please come out and give yourself up.’ 3. An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein…

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Mid-life For Women, from a female friend

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.   In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around. Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless. Mid-life is when…

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Hair Removal For Beginners, from a friend of a facebook friend

My night began as any normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: ‘Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.’ So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those ‘cold wax’ kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull…

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