Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
THREE DAYS A terminal condition called Old Age is on my tail! With three days left to live I feel Great pressure not to fail! And, so, I have decided to be Happy ’til the end! — To smile and laugh and giggle ’til I finally ascend! And, if, three days from now I find I’m still not drawing flies, I’ll tack another three days on And postpone my goodbyes. And, three days hence, if once again I’m still not feeding worms, I’ll add another three to find I’ve lately come to terms With something that’s eluded me! It’s simple,…
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
GLUTEN DEPENDENCY I’ve taken up the mantle in Defense of noble wheat Which, at the hands of gluten, may Face ultimate defeat! Although I’ve suffered bloating and Fatigue and canker sores, Joint pain and diarrhea and Bad dreams and gagging snores And changes in behavior and Small fractures of my head And bulky stools and rashes when I glimpse a crumb of bread, And know that these are symptoms in “The Celiac Checklist Of Glutenesque Intolerance,” But, still, I must resist, For in my fluffy, rising soul I am a gluten…
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
A SO SO PIECE So, I’ve a major bone to pick– So fervently, I’m blue! So let me earnestly explain So you’ll know what I do! So what I know I know I hear, So you must hear it too. So let us raise one angry voice So we can act on cue! So, “so” is what this is about! So now you glimpse my view! “So” is an on-air pox to purge So it’s flushed down the loo! “So” starts too many sentences, “So” is a crutch, a glue, “So” messes up…
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
A COMPUTER MADE OF MEAT I have a new obsession which Is old and new and sweet! In fundamental terms it’s my Computer made of meat! Not pork or beef or venison, Although they’re much the same; Not burger, chops or leg of lamb, Although they’re in the game! This meat will solve equations and Forge tactics for my fate; This meat will track dark matter and Can teach me how to skate! This meat will make me giggle and This meat will make me cry; This meat will make me babble and…
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
THE 500 YEAR OLD WOMAN It could have been a typo, but My screen declared it true: “500 Year Old Women Would Just Love To Dine With You!” Five hundred year old women! Wow! I’ve never dated one! But, dinner conversations might Just turn out to be fun! She might have camped at Jamestown or Baked clams at Plymouth Rock! She might have posed for Rembrandt or Sung lullabies to Bach! She might have dated Jan Vermeer Or eaten Cromwell’s hens! She might have peeked at Richelieu Through Galileo’s lens! But, Thomas…
Diagnosable . . . by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
DIAGNOSABLE I took a short vacation to A warm and gentle clime To catch up on my reading ‘cuz I never find the time. I read The Book of Mormon and I read the Bible, too, The Torah and the Talmud and I realized the author was The same guy in all four– Not only that, He wrote them while Cross-legged, on the floor, Without a single laptop or A smart-phone or a pen, And, in an instant, all at once, Which underscores, again, That God is truly gifted and …
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
ELLIPSIS LANE A mother had a daughter that She named, Ellipsis Lane– An awful lot like Lois, but Ellipsis was not sane! Instead of chasing Superman, Ellipsis chased the sun. The girl could never catch it ‘cuz That meant she would have won! Ellipsis, as you likely know, Are periods, in line– Exactly three, like, dot, dot, dot– A punctuation sign That indicates a trailing off, A silence, never solved, An emptiness in what comes next, Denouement, unresolved! So, poor Ellipsis lived a life Of dreams that turned to fluff….
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
DOGGY MEMOIR Since everyone is doing it, It shouldn’t be a shock. He told me just last Saturday When we were on our walk. He looked up from his leash and said, “My memoir’s in the works! Don’t worry, as my owner, you’ll Get wealthy on the perks!” I looked at him askance and said, “The fleas have got your brain. Just who would read a memoir by A dog who’s not known pain?” “My pain is in my doggy eyes,” He barked. “I make it up! Americans buy titles, dude! …
Patti’s Cranberry Relish…by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
Patti’s Cranberry Relish Take two full bags of Cranberries And cover to their top With Apple-Pomegranate Juice And simmer ’til they pop! Now, measure out a full cup each Of Pomegranate Beads, Chopped Walnuts and White Sugar and Blackberries, crushed to seeds. Together with a pinch of Salt, Dump all that in the pot And reheat to a gentle boil! Be careful! This is hot! Then, core and peel two Granny Smiths And chop to half-inch chunks, Then stir them in and turn it off! This under-cooks those lunks! Let stand until…
Carpet Mill, by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
Long, long before all videos Went viral, to a flaw, There was an old time “movie short” That everybody saw. It showed a huge contraption in A carpet making mill, And, up above, a catwalk where A worker took a spill And fell into the workings where It gobbled up his hide And wove him into throw rugs where He peered out, stupefied! I thought it was a lesson in How not to live a life– A sort of cautionary tale To save us pain and strife. In other words, the movie…
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
CARPET MILL Long, long before all videos Went viral, to a flaw, There was an old time “movie short” That everybody saw. It showed a huge contraption in A carpet making mill, And, up above, a catwalk where A worker took a spill And fell into the workings where It gobbled up his hide And wove him into throw rugs where He peered out, stupefied! I thought it was a lesson in How not to live a life– A sort of cautionary tale To save us pain and strife. In other…
