October 21, 2018

Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

THREE DAYS A terminal condition called Old Age is on my tail! With three days left to live I feel Great pressure not to fail! And, so, I have decided to be Happy ’til the end! — To smile and laugh and giggle ’til I finally ascend! And, if, three days from now I find I’m still not drawing flies, I’ll tack another three days on And postpone my goodbyes. And, three days hence, if once again I’m still not feeding worms, I’ll add another three to find I’ve lately come to terms With something that’s eluded me! It’s simple,…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

GLUTEN DEPENDENCY  I’ve taken up the mantle in    Defense of noble wheat Which, at the hands of gluten, may    Face ultimate defeat! Although I’ve suffered bloating and    Fatigue and canker sores, Joint pain and diarrhea and    Bad dreams and gagging snores And changes in behavior and    Small fractures of my head And bulky stools and rashes when    I glimpse a crumb of bread, And know that these are symptoms in    “The Celiac Checklist Of Glutenesque Intolerance,”    But, still, I must resist, For in my fluffy, rising soul    I am a gluten…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

A SO SO PIECE So, I’ve a major bone to pick–    So fervently, I’m blue! So let me earnestly explain    So you’ll know what I do! So what I know I know I hear,    So you must hear it too. So let us raise one angry voice    So we can act on cue! So, “so” is what this is about!    So now you glimpse my view! “So” is an on-air pox to purge    So it’s flushed down the loo! “So” starts too many sentences,    “So” is a crutch, a glue, “So” messes up…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

A COMPUTER MADE OF MEAT I have a new obsession which    Is old and new and sweet! In fundamental terms it’s my    Computer made of meat! Not pork or beef or venison,    Although they’re much the same; Not burger, chops or leg of lamb,    Although they’re in the game! This meat will solve equations and    Forge tactics for my fate; This meat will track dark matter and    Can teach me how to skate! This meat will make me giggle and    This meat will make me cry; This meat will make me babble and…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

THE 500 YEAR OLD WOMAN It could have been a typo, but    My screen declared it true: “500 Year Old Women Would    Just Love To Dine With You!” Five hundred year old women!  Wow!    I’ve never dated one! But, dinner conversations might    Just turn out to be fun! She might have camped at Jamestown or    Baked clams at Plymouth Rock! She might have posed for Rembrandt or    Sung lullabies to Bach! She might have dated Jan Vermeer    Or eaten Cromwell’s hens! She might have peeked at Richelieu    Through Galileo’s lens! But, Thomas…

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Diagnosable . . . by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

               DIAGNOSABLE I took a short vacation to    A warm and gentle clime To catch up on my reading ‘cuz    I never find the time. I read The Book of Mormon and    I read the Bible, too, The Torah and the Talmud and    I realized the author was The same guy in all four–    Not only that, He wrote them while    Cross-legged, on the floor, Without a single laptop or    A smart-phone or a pen, And, in an instant, all at once,    Which underscores, again, That God is truly gifted and   …

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

         ELLIPSIS LANE A mother had a daughter that    She named, Ellipsis Lane– An awful lot like Lois, but    Ellipsis was not sane! Instead of chasing Superman,    Ellipsis chased the sun. The girl could never catch it ‘cuz    That meant she would have won! Ellipsis, as you likely know,    Are periods, in line– Exactly three, like, dot, dot, dot–    A punctuation sign That indicates a trailing off,    A silence, never solved, An emptiness in what comes next,    Denouement, unresolved! So, poor Ellipsis lived a life    Of dreams that turned to fluff….

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

      DOGGY MEMOIR Since everyone is doing it,    It shouldn’t be a shock. He told me just last Saturday    When we were on our walk. He looked up from his leash and said,    “My memoir’s in the works! Don’t worry, as my owner, you’ll    Get wealthy on the perks!” I looked at him askance and said,    “The fleas have got your brain. Just who would read a memoir by    A dog who’s not known pain?” “My pain is in my doggy eyes,”    He barked.  “I make it up! Americans buy titles, dude!   …

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Patti’s Cranberry Relish…by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

 Patti’s Cranberry Relish Take two full bags of Cranberries    And cover to their top With Apple-Pomegranate Juice    And simmer ’til they pop! Now, measure out a full cup each     Of Pomegranate Beads, Chopped Walnuts and White Sugar and    Blackberries, crushed to seeds. Together with a pinch of Salt,     Dump all that in the pot And reheat to a gentle boil!    Be careful!  This is hot! Then, core and peel two Granny Smiths    And chop to half-inch chunks, Then stir them in and turn it off!    This under-cooks those lunks! Let stand until…

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Carpet Mill, by Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

Long, long before all videos    Went viral, to a flaw, There was an old time “movie short”    That everybody saw. It showed a huge contraption in    A carpet making mill, And, up above, a catwalk where    A worker took a spill And fell into the workings where    It gobbled up his hide And wove him into throw rugs where    He peered out, stupefied! I thought it was a lesson in    How not to live a life– A sort of cautionary tale    To save us pain and strife. In other words, the movie…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

  CARPET MILL Long, long before all videos    Went viral, to a flaw, There was an old time “movie short”    That everybody saw. It showed a huge contraption in    A carpet making mill, And, up above, a catwalk where    A worker took a spill And fell into the workings where    It gobbled up his hide And wove him into throw rugs where    He peered out, stupefied! I thought it was a lesson in    How not to live a life– A sort of cautionary tale    To save us pain and strife. In other…

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