An Excentric Look Into The Future
In January, our staff takes a look at carnivals and fares cropping up around the country. Following on the heels of last month’s revealing Excentric headline, involving Six Flags, January exposes the dangers fast rides pose to the public. In an exclusive expose, roller coasters and Ferris wheels prove to be the most dangerous, especially when they powered by local boneheads. Related posts: An Excentric Look Into The Future Emergency Wine . . . Excentric Look into The Future An Excentric Look Into The Future
INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman
HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH NEWS: A bank robber who stopped during his escape to bum a cigarette off a construction worker has been sentenced to 10 years in prison by a federal judge in Pittsburgh. The man’s attorney argued his client has had a life-long problem with alcohol and should get a shorter term. The man’s addictions seem to have caught up with him. smoking really can be hazardous to your health – and freedom. ILL GOTTEN BOOTY NEWS: A man from Swansea, Wales, was accused of stealing more than 40,000 pounds ($64,000) from the bank account of an elderly…
Curmudgeon Corner . . .
cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: TRAVEL “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.” Mark Twain “The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.” Saint Augustine “To get away from one’s working environment is, in a sense, to get away from…
They’re Here . . .
The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at new forms extraterrestrial visitors may be embodying. As little to no evidence has emerged among all the hoopla that alines are residing on planet Earth, proponents of claims that stellar travelers have settled here have shifted from little green or gray human-like forms to that of domestic animals. Proof is offered in this photograph captured by a believer that his newly adopted canine is, in fact, a vessel for a Pleiadian Star System Inter-stellar Commander. His “dog” Atlantis, is shown here conducting a mind meld with his daughter, Lemuria, who seems…
Typical Excentric Reader
This month’s typical Excentric Reader is Pam Hopkins, shown here on vacation in Maxatlan holding her favorite paper. With her Sedona Excentric in hand, Pam poses at a courtyard at an outdoor mall. In the background is a man holding a sign that reads, “Official Taxi For Hire.” Pam couldn’t have picked a better spot than in front of Mazatlan’s only official taxi, in case she and her companion had the need to make an official getaway. Mazatlan is a stop for many cruises, which perhaps brought Pam there. Thanks, Pam. Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader George Buchanan Typical Excentric…
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
THE BEST My grandpa told me, long ago, He’d had a talk with God! I quickly raised my eyebrows and Declared ol’ Gramps a fraud! “I see you don’t believe me, boy, You think I’ve lost my mind! But God has time for folks like me Who’ve fallen far behind. “In fact, He has a special spot For those who’ve lost their game; He takes a special interest in The folks who take the blame! “In failure I was writhing–in Self-loathing and disgust! Through gagging tears I asked my Lord If I’d betrayed his trust.” “I’ve watched you do your…
KOZMIK KORNER BY LUSH GUMBALL
Q: I read a story about a guy who stayed in a low-cost motel while traveling on business. It was provided by the person who hired him, not one he would have selected. Immediately after checking in, he experienced lights flickering on and off, the television changes channels without a remote and yelling from an adjacent vacant room. His phone didn’t work, so he couldn’t call anyone. He couldn’t even check out because nobody was at the office. Was he just a victim of cruddy lodging or could this place have been haunted? A: Could be both. Sounds like he…
When You Gotta Go . . .
It’s all in how you look at things. From the vantage point of this photographer, one would be left to think you need climb over the brick wall to gain access to the private facilities. Some visitors to Sedona have complained about using the porta-potties at the arts and crafts shows at the corner of Saddlerock Circle and SR89A. Clearly, they are far better off than being stranded along the Great Wall of China. In fact, after observing this sign of relief offered by the Chinese government, some are reconsidering the naming of the wall. Perhaps it’s not so great…
One Man One Vote. . . by Will Durst, Excentric Contributor
Whiners. Bounders. Ingrates. Talking about the incessant griping and sniping currently buzzing over long overdue Republican reforms requiring citizens to produce a government issued ID before casting a vote. From the outcry you’d think the GOP was organizing competitive kitten clubbings. Again. Oh for crum’s sakes, settle down people. It’s just an ID. You need one to fly or buy or ply or even take out a library book. What is wrong with insuring the integrity of the electoral process? This isn’t voter suppression, it’s voter protection. Which is why in the great state of Texas, it’s easier to buy…
Not So Happy Halloween. . .
While most pumpkins were busy adorning porches and decks to entertain neighborhood trick or treaters, these jack-o-lanterns were displaying some seriously bad behavior during All Hallows Eve. One of the American native winter squash had at least one too many beers with the result being and eruption of involuntarily spewed seeds and filling. A well behaved pumpkin would not only have provided entertainment to Halloween revelers, but also yielded its filling for pumpkin pies and seeds for salad toppings. Next year, the owners of this house are going plastic. Related posts: Cheap Halloween Happy Saint Valentine’s Day . . ….
An Excentric Look Into The Future . . .
In December, our staff takes a look at the strange places people go to achieve some privacy. Few people are fortunate enough to have a space of their own they can retreat to in order to get away from it all. One man was digitally captured seeking some alone time to read his daily newspaper. With family visiting and every room occupied by someone doing something, the only place he could seek solace was atop his chimney cap on his home’s roof. While amused by the idea of squatting on a chimney cap to read a paper, we were disappointed…
Inside The News . . .
SHADOWY NEWS: A groundhog died after being handled and then dropped by New York City Mayor, Bill de Blazio during this year’s Staten Island Zoo Groundhog Day ceremony. First, the groundhog was not the regular groundhog, Chuck but a stand-in named Charlotte, who saw her shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. Perhaps the people running the zoo should realize groundhogs are wild rodents and not pets or playthings. MUTANT NINJA NEWS: A Canadian man has been charged after border agents at the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel found more than 50 turtles strapped to his body and hidden between his legs. The…
cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: ANGER “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” Ambrose Bierce “Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.” Anonymous “All angry persons are to be treated, by the prudent, as children.” Samuel Richardson “Whate’ers begun in anger ends in shame.”…
Time To Show A Little More Respect . . .
Too often, it’s too easy to poke fun at our elder community. We need to spend more time listening to their stories and learning from them. They’re not about technological toys, but life. We need to learn more about love, traditions, compassion and priorities. If only we would take the time to listen to their stories of times gone by. While advancements are made technologically with every generation at a pace that is at times unfathomable, as humans, we benefit more from understanding our past than reinventing our future. Even Albert Einstein saw this dilemma when he said, “I fear…
No More Rush to Judgement
The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at the United State 113th Congress. Our staff began with looking at their current status. Congress is on vacation – AGAIN. They were in session 118 days through September. They voted on one or two items, held a few repetitive hearings on senseless topics and left for another vacation for more than a month after just returning from nearly a month off. Keeping in mind Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming and there are only 365 days in a year, they will end up showing up for less than half a year. The…
Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality
INTELLIGENT LIFE They’re searching for pollution all Across the Universe Because, they say, all folks like us Commit the common curse Of spewing crap into the air And poisoning the ground, Enabling detection, so Those E.T.’s can be found, And, finally, lay to rest the search For higher forms of life, Whose brains, like ours, evolved and grew Behaviors that were rife With growing fat and lazy while Extracting coal and gas To fuel their stupid cars so they Could slouch there on their ass And motor to extinction through Stop lights all blinking red, So, by the time we…
Kozmik Korner by lush Gumball
Q: I read articles recently about people who would be awakened in the middle of the night not being able to move for about a minute or so, panicking, heavy chest, and finding it hard to breathe. I told this to one of my friends at work and they said it was called “Old Hags Syndrom.” I had never heard of it and thought they were making it up, so I searched on my computer. Not only was it a medical condition, but there was a Facebook page dedicated to it. Has anyone written about this condition before? A: Regular…
Big Picture Page
One needs to take special precautions when asking to have your back scratched. Here are a few simple and easy rules to follow. 1) Never, ever approach a stranger and request they lay their hands on any part of your body. If necessary, just scratch yourself, even when in public. If it is a body part that you can’t reach that itches, find the nearest tree or building corner. 2) When having your itch scratched, try to avoid groaning with pleasure or hollering with excitement like Meg Ryan during her orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. People tend to…
Letter To The Editor. . . From Kentucky Gal
Good afternoon, Thom. Lazy, hot summer afternoon here. Been as hot as the Hinges of Hell the last couple of weeks with little to no rain.Glenn hasn’t mowed in nearly 6 weeks and the trees are dropping their leaves due to dryness rather than the possibility of oncoming fall weather. Mother Nature has had a real “attitude” this season. Our container gardening efforts paid off handsomely, along with several rows of Italian green beans and corn in the big garden in the back of the house. We ate fresh Italian green beans, corn, tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, eggplant, bell peppers,…
American Scots Celebrate UK Vote . . .
Donning the official colors of his clan, this piper fills his bag with air and begins skirling with other pipers in uplifting unison at a gathering celebrating Scottish traditions. While some customs are ongoing, Scottish cuisine has recently been elevated from haggis to gourmet meet and vegetable dishes and the kilt is finding its way on the catwalk at nouveau riche fashion shows from New York to Paris. The piper in this photo didn’t miss a beat as his two boys made a concerted effort to distract him. The word is haggis is on the menu for tonight’s dinner. Related…
