November 20, 2017

Inside The News . . .

SHADOWY NEWS: A groundhog died after being handled and then dropped by New York City Mayor, Bill de Blazio during this year’s Staten Island Zoo Groundhog Day ceremony. First, the groundhog was not the regular groundhog, Chuck but a stand-in named Charlotte, who saw her shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter. Perhaps the people running the zoo should realize groundhogs are wild rodents and not pets or playthings. MUTANT NINJA NEWS: A Canadian man has been charged after border agents at the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel found more than 50 turtles strapped to his body and hidden between his legs. The…

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cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: ANGER “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” Ambrose Bierce “Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.” Anonymous “All angry persons are to be treated, by the prudent, as children.” Samuel Richardson “Whate’ers begun in anger ends in shame.”…

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Time To Show A Little More Respect . . .

Too often, it’s too easy to poke fun at our elder community. We need to spend more time listening to their stories and learning from them. They’re not about technological toys, but life. We need to learn more about love, traditions, compassion and priorities. If only we would take the time to listen to their stories of times gone by. While advancements are made technologically with every generation at a pace that is at times unfathomable, as humans, we benefit more from understanding our past than reinventing our future. Even Albert Einstein saw this dilemma when he said, “I fear…

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No More Rush to Judgement

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at the United State 113th Congress. Our staff began with looking at their current status. Congress is on vacation – AGAIN. They were in session 118 days through September. They voted on one or two items, held a few repetitive hearings on senseless topics and left for another vacation for more than a month after just returning from nearly a month off. Keeping in mind Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming and there are only 365 days in a year, they will end up showing up for less than half a year. The…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

INTELLIGENT LIFE They’re searching for pollution all Across the Universe Because, they say, all folks like us Commit the common curse Of spewing crap into the air And poisoning the ground, Enabling detection, so Those E.T.’s can be found, And, finally, lay to rest the search For higher forms of life, Whose brains, like ours, evolved and grew Behaviors that were rife With growing fat and lazy while Extracting coal and gas To fuel their stupid cars so they Could slouch there on their ass And motor to extinction through Stop lights all blinking red, So, by the time we…

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Kozmik Korner by lush Gumball

Q: I read articles recently about people who would be awakened in the middle of the night not being able to move for about a minute or so, panicking, heavy chest, and finding it hard to breathe. I told this to one of my friends at work and they said it was called “Old Hags Syndrom.” I had never heard of it and thought they were making it up, so I searched on my computer. Not only was it a medical condition, but there was a Facebook page dedicated to it. Has anyone written about this condition before? A: Regular…

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Big Picture Page

One needs to take special precautions when asking to have your back scratched. Here are a few simple and easy rules to follow. 1) Never, ever approach a stranger and request they lay their hands on any part of your body. If necessary, just scratch yourself, even when in public. If it is a body part that you can’t reach that itches, find the nearest tree or building corner. 2) When having your itch scratched, try to avoid groaning with pleasure or hollering with excitement like Meg Ryan during her orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. People tend to…

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Letter To The Editor. . . From Kentucky Gal

Good afternoon, Thom. Lazy, hot summer afternoon here. Been as hot as the Hinges of Hell the last couple of weeks with little to no rain.Glenn hasn’t mowed in nearly 6 weeks and the trees are dropping their leaves due to dryness rather than the possibility of oncoming fall weather. Mother Nature has had a real “attitude” this season. Our container gardening efforts paid off handsomely, along with several rows of Italian green beans and corn in the big garden in the back of the house. We ate fresh Italian green beans, corn, tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, eggplant, bell peppers,…

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American Scots Celebrate UK Vote . . .

Donning the official colors of his clan, this piper fills his bag with air and begins skirling with other pipers in uplifting unison at a gathering celebrating Scottish traditions. While some customs are ongoing, Scottish cuisine has recently been elevated from haggis to gourmet meet and vegetable dishes and the kilt is finding its way on the catwalk at nouveau riche fashion shows from New York to Paris. The piper in this photo didn’t miss a beat as his two boys made a concerted effort to distract him. The word is haggis is on the menu for tonight’s dinner. Related…

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Excentric Look into The Future

In November, our staff takes a look at automobile repairs performed by owners. Rather than pay professionals to replace their bumpers, car owners are rummaging through the scrap yards, pulling out the old bungee cords, duct tape and super glue and hitting the roads again. Keep your distance. Looking around the country, our staff has observed a noticeable increase in wood paneling on motor vehicles. This is not the kind your grandpa used to have on the sides of his station wagon, but more a display of plywood and particle boards designed to hold their vehicles together. Related posts: An…

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Inside The News

NOT DEAD YET NEWS: A man, declared dead in 1994, has tried unsuccessfully to undo his death. Even as he stood in court last year providing evidence of his existence, a Hancock County judge turned down a request to bring him back to life, citing a three-year limit for changing a death ruling. But the Social Security Administration accepts his new life and wants his two daughters to return more than $47,000 to cover benefits they received. THUNDERBIRD NEWS: A Texas woman allegedly stole a bottle of $3.99 wine from a convenience store to get arrested and see her jailed…

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Time To Show A Little Respect , , ,

Too often, it’s too easy to poke fun at our elder community. We need to spend more time getting their stories and learning from them, not about technological toys, but life. We need to learn more about love, traditions, compassion and priorities. If only we would take the time to listen to their stories of times gone by. While advancements are made technologically with every generation at a pace that is at times unfathomable, as humans, we would benefit more from understanding our past than reinventing our future. Even Albert Einstein saw this dilemma when he said, “I fear the…

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Do Blondes Really Have More Fun?

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at adages and puts them to the Myth or Fact Test. We are more thorough than the typical tests done by typical testers. Take the adage that blondes have more fun. It must first be accepted that most blondes achieve their hair color from a bottle. It is usually easy to detect, as there are other body parts with hair that are of natural origin – like the eyebrows. In order to discover whether or not there is more fun had by natural blondes, our staff members went as far back as…

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Kozmik Korner by Lush Gumball

Q:  I read the strangest thing. Some guy with a drinking problem lost his front partial between visiting a bar and a bank. His girlfriend accused him of puking them off into a toilet and flushing them away. He couldn’t recall where they got off to. A year later, after the couple had separated, he was visiting her. She woke one morning to find his teeth sitting in her kitchen sink. He accused her of swiping them and making him miserable. She contends they were returned by prankster spirits. What do you think? A: Prankster spirits, drinking problem – funny!…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

THREE DAYS A terminal condition called Old Age is on my tail! With three days left to live I feel Great pressure not to fail! And, so, I have decided to be Happy ’til the end! — To smile and laugh and giggle ’til I finally ascend! And, if, three days from now I find I’m still not drawing flies, I’ll tack another three days on And postpone my goodbyes. And, three days hence, if once again I’m still not feeding worms, I’ll add another three to find I’ve lately come to terms With something that’s eluded me! It’s simple,…

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A Dedication and Remembrance!

Every September since 2001, we have placed this picture on this page in memory of first responders and unsung heroes of everyday life in America. We tend to forget what makes us special. We are the people that run toward the fire to help someone in need. we are the people that reach out a hand to help someone up who is down. We are the people who, in spite of color, religious and political differences, march together against social injustice. We are the people who demand the right to vote, the right to peacefully assemble, the right to pursue…

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TOP 10 Darwin Awards . . . Unbelievable

10. It was reported that in Australia in 1989 a Kung-Fu student tried to take on a lion at the Melbourne zoo in one on one, man to cat combat. As confirmed, the highly unbelievable story goes, during his martial arts class the instructor commented on how well the class was doing and how they were “ready to take on the wild animals.” One young gentleman decided to try his hand at lion fighting. The irony is that his hands were the only things left when the lions were finished with him. 9. You are locked out of your house…

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New Immigrant Requirements

Not known for their rippling abdomens, migratory workers are now being forced to resort to wearing these new ready made rubberized six-pack abs. The owner of an Arizona pecan grove interviewed these two migratory workers to pick his nuts. Observing their superb physique, the plantation grower and processor was so impressed he hired both men on the spot. Of course, following pecan harvesting season, they, like other migrant workers, will be forced to move on to pick something else.   Related posts: Latest in Apartment Living Crackdown on Immigration The Curse of 2611 West Highway 89A The Government, Part Whatever,…

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Excentric Look Into The Future

In October, our staff takes a look at the matching of pets with their guardians. As one can easily determine from this photo, the facial features of this woman are similar to the expression offered by the mastiff taking up the entire back seat of the vehicle. Comparisons of guardians of tropical fish proved to be more difficult to pair. Related posts: An Excentric Look Into The Future Excentric Look into The Future An Excentric Look Into The Future An Excentric Look Into The Future

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Cheap Halloween

In October, Excentric staff members take a look at people who celebrate Halloween without spending money on costumes or masks. In today’s economy people are finding many ways to cut back. Some are cooking at home more often, no matter how bad the food tastes, while others have reduced the amount of cash they normally would lay out for various non-essentials. This lovely woman is a perfect example of someone looking to save their hard earnings for something other than a disguise for All Hallows Eve. It appears she is going for the local Chupa Cabra look alike. With her…

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