November 20, 2017

Kozmik Korner by Lush Gumball

Q: I recently read about a Catholic priest that was legally dead for a quarter of an hour before medic shocked his heart and brought him back. The priest claimed when he awoke that he had died, gone to heaven and met God. The 71-year-old want to continue preaching and tell the story of how God was a bright, loving light, buy clearly feminine. The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston hasn’t confirmed that he can return to his flock. Should he be allowed to return to the alter with his story? A: In the history of mankind told everywhere, women…

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Up Is Down . . . by Will Durst, Excentric Contributor

Best be advised to sit down, pour yourself a beer and take a deep breath. Because you’re about to hear something that will change your life. Forever. Are you relaxed? Good, because everything you know is wrong. Ain’t that always the way. Just when we think we have it all figured out, somebody comes along with information suggesting we’re so off the mark, we might have taken the neighbor’s car to work, slept with our cousin and brushed our teeth with kitchen cleanser. You know who’s holding back the middle class? It’s those darn Democrats. Yes! And all this time…

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Big Picture Page . . .

Our Special Excentric Public Indecency Staff members take a look at Global Climate Change. During a summit on extreme weather happenings around the world, four disgruntled committee members decided to display their members, welcoming Spring with an al fresco beach party. With no clothing restrictions posted at the secret camp where scientists, climatologists, politicians and religious fanatics gathered to discuss the ramifications of doing nothing to alter the course of earthly destruction, four amigos, representing the deniers participating, attempted to exhibit evidence to the other ninety-six in attendance no harm would come to their usually covered private parts. While their…

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Raising The Retirement Age . . .

Suffering from the hardship of not receiving royalties from his record publishers, this man, we’ll call him Arthur, has been a street performer for more than 6 decades. He qualified for assistance, but a government employee saw him perform and turned him in for not declaring the change people threw into his basket. Now, some heartless politicians want to take away his health insurance. And, the city has revoked his temporary permits because too many businesses complained he was taking their potential income from tourists and some locals don’t like his style of music. Related posts: Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister…

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An Excentric Look Into The Future

In April, our crack staff takes a close look into the immigration issue from the perspective of Americans residing primarily in the south. It seems there are a lot of uneducated Americans upset that competent, skilled laborers are being hired by companies in their state at lower wages and with benefits. So, rather than picket the employers, they grab a couple of 24 packs and protest at the border. Related posts: An Excentric Look into The Future . . . Crackdown on Immigration A Look into the Future: Highway Safety An Excentric Look Into The Future

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INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman

PAPAL NEWS: Pope Francis, addressed climate change in a speech in Manilla, saying man was destroying nature and betraying God’s calling to be stewards of creation. “As stewards of God’s creation, we are called to make the earth a beautiful garden for the human family. When we destroy our forests, ravage our soil and pollute our seas, we betray that noble calling,” he said. The American republican response was that there are other popes who would flat out deny those claims and say that deforestation, off-shore oil drilling and defracking are good. FLYING NUTS NEWS: An executive for Korean Air,…

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Curmudgeon Corner . . .

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: FUTURE “There is no present or future, only the past, happening over and over again, now.” Eugene O’Neill “He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past.” George Orwell “The past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever…

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Another Big Picture . . .

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at the spate of musicals slated for release by Hollywood in 2015. A remake of the classic Singin’ In The Rain and a musical version of Psycho and a reunion of Olivia Newton John and John Travolta in a Grease sequel, Lubricant, to name just a few. Perhaps the most controversial screen play being written for the cinema is a star-studded musical, The Marshall and the Grey Cardinal. The Marshall is said to be Kim Jung-un and the Grey Cardinal, Vladimir Putin. The two world leaders are placed shirtless on a deserted…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

GOLDEN SHEEP The winning daily number on The evening TV news, If changed into the losing one, Would save us from the blues: “The losing daily number is One, Two, Three, Four and Five! And, if you haven’t got it, then Be glad you are alive, “Because it’s possible you’ve won Nine hundred million bucks!– Can quit your job and buy a farm And raise a herd of ducks “Or buy a private island with A speedboat and a dock And stargaze from your villa which Is perched high on a rock! “No sense to dash your fantasies, Before you…

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KOZMIK KORNER BY LUSH GUMBALL

Q: I recently read about a California real estate contractor that was surveying a potential lot for purchase by his client. Because the lot was heavily wooded, the contractor used a drone and recorded his video. While reviewing the footage, he discovered he had captured what appeared to be a Bigfoot wandering through the woods. The alleged Bigfoot seemed to notice the drone and ran from a clearing into thick brush. Have you seen the video? Could it actually be footage of Bigfoot? A: It could, or it could be a tall stranger. My neighbor used a personal drone with…

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Big Picture Page . . .

Nothing like proudly parading your prize piglet down the middle of Main Street in middle America. In some towns, this would be considered a strange sight, but others who relish the good-ole-days, dragging your pork around is commonplace for everyone except the pig, of course. This diminutive even-toed ungulate appears to be pulling back against the towing of the mother-son cutest piglet entrants at the annual Fairgrounds Foraging Friends Festival. Suzy, the piglet pictured is favored to win first prize this year, since the entrants’ neighbor’s pig grew too old and fat to enter this year’s contest and, against all…

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Happy Saint Valentine’s Day . . .

Albeit Saint Valentine’s Day is the day of celebratory feasting for many religions, it has morphed into a day when women look to connect or reconnect with a significant other. It is a day and night filled with romance and champagne, touching cards and boxes of chocolate covered cherries packaged in the shape of hearts, Restaurants around the world look forward to Valentine’s Day when filet mignon and lobster reign. Wine and dine time. Roses and other flower arrangements with accompanying love notes delivered by messenger. Gifts of perfume, lingerie and jewelry, or all three for that very special Valentine….

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INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman

GOING POSTAL NEWS: Police say a man and a woman were going through mailboxes around the town of Sammamish, WA. Townspeople saw the thieve’s vehicle filled with mail and blocked the road. The couple ran. The woman was caught immediately, them stealing a kayak to make his escape in a pond. A neighbor grabbed his own kayak and paddled after the thief, who was up the pond without a paddle and rowing with his hands.   MONKEY BUSINESS NEWS: An injured monkey had fallen between the tracks, after touching high-tension wires at the train station in the north Indian city…

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Curmudgeon Corner…

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner.   This month’s subject: REALITY “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” Albert Einstein “Reality is a question of perspective; the further you get from the past, the more concrete and plausible it seems—but as you approach the present, it inevitably seems incredible.” Salman Rushdie “It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to…

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Another Big Picture…

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at the ramifications of the recent legalization of growing pot in some states of the United States and some isolated cities around the world. Not impressed by the news, this group of pot growers has been gathering in their courtyard as long as they can remember. While they have yet to dry and smoke any of their many horticultural products, they all seem suspiciously mellow. Perhaps the pot plants they grow emit a euphoric pheromone causing one to be naturally laid back, but this group of growers can sit and stare at…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

A STRETCH The evolution scientists Are tracking a new trend: Our arms, for eons quite unchanged, Have started to extend! The evolutionary leap Began ten years ago– Has escalated ever since, Producing cries of woe From manufacturers of shirts And sweaters, coats and stuff, Who say the sleeves of last year’s clothes Are never long enough! This puzzling phenomenon Caused scientists great pain Until I stepped into the light,Quite eager to explain: Our butts have grown much broader with Each smart phone upgrade bought, Requiring longer arms to take That wider selfie shot! Related posts: Minister of Reality, Doug “Rabbit”…

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Kozmik Korner by Lush Gumball

Q: I’ve been reading story after story of people who claim to be visited by one dead relative or another around Christmas. Some have seen them sitting in armchairs, some heard angelic singing, others just felt their presence, and still others got mysterious phone calls. Charles Dickens set the stage for spiritual visitation with “A Christmas Carol.” Scrooge was visited by ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, but none were related to him. Is Christmas the most popular time of ghostly visitations? A: It would seem it is if your name is Ebenezer Scrooge.   Q: I found an…

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Big Picture Page

It’s deja-vu all over again. History has a way of repeating itself. Take the recent case of a raving lunatic tyrant in North Korea losing it over a satirical movie, “The Interview,” with a plot of assassination. Sure, Sony could have used a fictitious character from a fictitious land, but even with their poor taste in judgement, the target of their cinematic event should maintain the sense of humor. Once, long ago, a chap named Charlie Chaplin wrote, starred in, scored produced and directed called “The Great Dictator.” Before its release and before Germany and Britain were at war, the…

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Let It Snow . . .

Winter brings the beauty of snow in many parts of the country. Some people deal with it better than others. While it makes traveling challenging, it brings out the kid in all of us. Fond memories on building snow caves and forts for snowball fights, sledding, skiing, sledding and horse drawn sleighs and making snow angels with our arms and legs. Children everywhere still hope for enough snow to close the schools. Many adults have a different take on the white, wet wonder. Faced with having to drive to work or shovel the driveway and sidewalks to avoid taking a…

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An Excentric Look into The Future . . .

In February, our staff takes a look at odd Valentine’s Day rituals in the deep south of the United States. A couple exchanges their vows in swamp land, the bride carrying a small bouquet of Spanish moss, the groom in his finest chapeau. As one can easily discern from the photograph, everyone on the groom’s side of the family came dressed for the occasion. The gown? Louis Gator. Related posts: An Excentric Look Into The Future . . . An Excentric Look Into The Future Excentric Look Into The Future… Excentric Look into The Future

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