January 21, 2018

Entertainment In and Around Sedona

Oak Creek  Brewery 928-204-1300 2050 Yavapai Dr., Sedona, AZ www.oakcreekbrew.com Feb  1 – Cactus Daddy starts at 8pm Feb  2 – Tyrell Sweeten 4-7pm Feb   2 – Open Mic starts at 8pm Feb   3 – Ray Gomez 4-7pm Feb  8 – Decker starts at 8pm Feb   9 – Paul T. Morris 4-7pm Feb   9 – Open Mic starts at 8pm Feb 10 – Bat 4-7pm Feb 15 – Sweeten Element starts at 8pm Feb 16 – Ray Reeves 4-7pm Feb 16 – Open Mic starts at 8pm Feb 17 – Kenzo 4-7pm Feb 22 – LIVE MUSIC starts at 8pm…

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Roundabouts

Sedona Excentric World staff members take a look back at roundabouts and the benefits they added to controlling traffic during peak seasons in and around and around Sedona. After deciding not to force their cookie-cutter four-lane highway on the residents of Sedona and the Village of Oak Creek (the “other Sedona” to unsuspecting visitors), Arizona Department of Transportation engineers decided what the area needed was roundabouts–and lots of them. Roundabouts are not new tp traffic schemes. In fact, they are strewn throughout Europe, Asia and the eastern United States. As one can easily ascertain from this picture, they definitely make getting…

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Follow the Purple Stained Trail

I’m a fairly seasoned world traveler. One place I’ve wandered extensively is Australia. Experienced travelers often refer to the land down under as OZ, which allows me to segue to the Arizona wine roads and bring you the tale of another small Arizona family winery. I make the literary and travel reference because my subject this month has a strong Australian connection. It’s Kief-Joshua Vineyards and their winemaker Kief Manning, who is one of the few people in the state of Arizona to have an advanced degree in viticulture and enology. Kief-Joshua Vineyards, like most Arizona wineries, is definitely a…

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Sedona Alien Party Cancelled

…Vortexes had to be closed for remodeling. …Confusion between followers of a harmonic convergence and supporters of a harmonica emergence. …Date lost when calendar destroyed after discovering pictures of half-naked, out-of-work, pensionless, Mayan priests promoting each month. …Aliens expected to attend had to return home to retrieve forgotten chips and dip. …Extraterrestrials objected to souvenir t-shirts with slogan, “Have You Been Probed Today?” …Party threatened to be crashed by gang that dashes from psychic to psychic, called “Channel Surfers.” …Jean Vixen’s prediction of a mass exodus. …The only vendor able to attend sells Indian Tacos and everyone knows Aliens are…

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“I Love You” from Men in 26 Languages

I love you.” –English “Te amo.” –Spanish “Je t’aime.” –French “Ich liebe dich.” –German “Ai shite imasu.” –Japanese “Ti amo.” –Italian “Wo ai ni.” –Chinese “Jag Alskar.” –Swedish “Nice butt. Get in the truck.” —Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Idaho, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana, Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, Florida and Cornville, USA   Related posts: Men Love to Gossip Love for Valentines Changing the Name of Cornville? Booms Rattle a Country?

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You’re in Cornville If…

Your golf cart is street legal and can outpace most cars. You can pay by check or credit card for window washing. Meals-On-Wheels is the name of a pizza delivery business. Your yard is fenced and separated according to species. You have an abundance of unused Tupperware lids because the bottoms are scattered through the house collecting drips. You have to borrow money from a distant relative to shop at the dollar store. Your personal experience qualifies you as a licensed midwife. You have a vast collection of Barbie Dolls without heads. You decorate everything in your yard during all…

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Skewered and Plattered by Will Durst

Shattered. Splattered. Scattered. Battered. Tattered. Skewered and Plattered. Barely mattered. That was the Democrats after November’s election. But surely in the months since, they’d come together to stand aligned in the face of the flaky imperiousness of our so- called President. You’d think. And ripe bananas make a fine masonry grout. The Democrats have lost their direction so completely they need a compass to wipe their butts. Incontestably, incontrovertibly and incredibly… useless. We are not speaking of a trifling of uselessness here. “Totally and utterly and unconditionally useless”- barely scratches the surface. The exact extent of the uselessosity exhibited by…

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New Winter Virus Alert!

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidotes known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should forward this warning to…

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H1N1 (Swine) Flu Cases

Sedona Excentric World looks at the recent surge in H1N1 (swine) flu cases in the United States. After an exhaustive search, Excentric Science staff members believe they have found the source of the mutant virus. The symptoms are similar to classic influenzas: fever, diarrhea, vomiting, muscle aches, headaches. The biggest difference is waking up, looking into the mirror and seeing yourself as the image depicted left. The little guy in this picture was once a robust, 300-lb professional wrestler, El Hombre Rojo, who, from passing automobile windows, could be seen in the fields of the Sewerage Reclamation Plant on SR…

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Crackdown on Immigration

Sedona Excentric World looks at the recent crackdown on immigration at the Arizona border. Complaints about racial profiling by the Maricopa County Sheriff’s office under the supervision of Joe Arpaio, have resulted in human smuggling coyotes embracing newer and more clever techniques to successfully transport illegal aliens into the United States. While most immigrants come here in search of a better life or to escape persecution in their own country, the few that break U.S. laws, besides entering without permission, leave a stain on the remaining many millions of non-union laborers. There was a time when temporary migratory workers were…

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Typical Excentric Reader

This month’s typical Excentric Reader is Preston Boyd, son of Joel, grandson to Rachel and friend to the Sedona Excentric. Preston stopped to gather some much needed energy and knowledge always found in the pages of his favorite publication, the Sedona Excentric, of course. He is photographed at Glacier National Park while on a hiking trip with his father, Joel, son to Rachel and friend to the Sedona Excentric. Note: Those are clouds atop the mountains and not smoke from active volcanoes. Phew! Related posts: Typical Excentric Reader Typical Excentric Reader . . . Typical Excentric Reader . . ….

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The Bucket List

As the Sedona Excentric approaches its 25th anniversary in 2013, the Sedona Excentric Really Big Story staff take a close look at bucket lists. Based on the movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, people have been confessing to our staff members their desires to accomplish feats before they kick the bucket. Some expressed a hope to visit an exotic place–mostly India, Peru or Cornville, AZ. There were many who wanted to sample some sort of out-of-the-norm type of food, such as octopus, scorpion or mystery meat from a school cafeteria. Typically, most people were seeking adventures. African safaris were…

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The Ouija Board’s Reputation

Q: Mention the use of a Ouija board to a paranormal research group these days and you’ll get a lot of head shaking and statements about “opening portals” and “demonic entities.” Mention it to religious fundamentalists and you’ll practically see them shudder and back away on shaky legs, as if the board was created by Satan himself as a means of enslaving human souls. How did the Ouija board and similar “talking boards” get this reputation? A: I think Mr. Hasbro had a lot to do with it. The best way to get teenagers to buy something is to tell…

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Boyfriend Thievery

Dear Frankly, I’ve known this guy for about 4 months and he’s my best friend. We have a lot of things in common and we just seem to click. The problem is my friend who introduced us has liked him for 4 years. He pretty much ignores her now and spends time with me. We keep sneaking around so she won’t see us together. When I told her I liked him she got upset. I want to pursue this relationship. Is there a way to tell her we’re becoming a couple without hurting her feelings? Running Rhonda Dear Running, I…

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Today’s Moribund Economy

Sedona Excentric World looks at some ways Americans are adapting in today’s moribund economy. One Cornville, AZ resident was forced to sell his pickup recently to make ends meet. Before departing with his second favorite possession, he offloaded the cab and created a shaded cover for his pets, complete with windows. To secure it for upcoming monsoon winds, he placed his picnic table, which once occupied the area where the doghouse settled, on top of the dogs’ new shelter. As shown in the picture, the picnic table was missing one bench, causing the table to tip over and toss food…

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Creative Ways to Avoid Accidents

Sedona Excentric World looks at new, creative ways to avoid accidents between cattle and automobiles on Page Springs Road. According to local scuttlebutt, as many as 19 cows have been struck by unsuspecting travelers heading to and from home in Cornville. Arizona law continues to give the right-of-way to the meandering domesticated bovines and holds the drivers, no matter how careful to avoid the large roadway obstacles, completely responsible. In today’s economy, the price of some heads of cattle exceeds the value of the used automobile it was struck with. Some Cornvillians, upset by the unusually high number of car-killed…

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The First 100 Days . . . by Will Durst

As extraordinary as it sounds, Donald J. Trump is now the 45th President of the United States. Which is mind- boggling. Like making John Goodman the cover model for this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Kim Kardashian- appointed chief scientist at the Atomic Energy Lab. Colin Kaepernick in charge of WikiLeaks. The liberals’ last best hopes were dashed on Inauguration Day when the Mango Mussolini put his hand on the Bible and didn’t burst into flames. The preacher said the rain that started to fall as DJT took the oath was a good omen in the Bible. Yeah, tell that…

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Rising Cost of Fuel Spurs Alternative Modes of Transportation

Sedona Excentric World staff members take a look at the rising cost of fuel on the logging industry in Flagstaff, Arizona. While many Americans have abandoned their standard vehicles for mass transit, smaller fuel-efficient cars, scooters and bicycles, commercial enterprises too have had to resort to alternative modes of transportation. According to a moose salesman in Saskatchewan, Canada, not only has the Canadian dollar soared in value due to the increase in oil prices (Canada is the number 1 importer of fuel oil to the United States, Mexico being second), but their importation of moose and their prices have increased…

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Latest in Apartment Living

Sedona Excentric World staff members take a look at the latest in apartment living. With many homeowners facing foreclosure and with ridiculous bankruptcy laws prohibiting the individual from protecting their hard earned properties, more and more former home owners are forced to seek alternative housing solutions. One Cornville, Arizona resident offered an affordable and aesthetically affable answer. This complex, called the Cornville Condo Cascade, offers comfort in a quiet setting for both senior citizens and single families at an affordable rate. With Sedona still holding meetings to determine the definition of “affordable housing” and how it applies to teachers, seniors,…

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You’re an Old Sedonan…

When you buy a computer to send email to save on postage. When you count your Bingo losses as church offerings. When you are told your memory bank has been burglarized. When asked about liquid assets, you search the stock in the liquor cabinet. When a prune juice wine cooler is your favorite beverage. When your skull x-rays are mistaken for those of an extinct not-so-great ape. When you check into a motel and suffer motion sickness while reading the Bible on the Magic Fingers vibrating bed. When you go to an All-U-Can-Eat buffet and the hot food is cold…

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