October 18, 2018

Another Big Picture Page

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at yet another online dating site. Feeling left out, these experienced women are establishing a start-up company to help hook up seniors. Non-discriminating, these gals say the site is open to all creeds, races, ages and sexual orientation. Dating sites already exist for African Americans, Christians, Boomers, serious daters, casual daters, cheaters, farmers, even professionals (whatever that means). However, until now, no one has targeted the long-lived – octogenarians on up – Oldsters.com. If the date ends up with someone spending the night, bed rails can be deployed to prevent accidents requiring…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

A COMPUTER MADE OF MEAT I have a new obsession which    Is old and new and sweet! In fundamental terms it’s my    Computer made of meat! Not pork or beef or venison,    Although they’re much the same; Not burger, chops or leg of lamb,    Although they’re in the game! This meat will solve equations and    Forge tactics for my fate; This meat will track dark matter and    Can teach me how to skate! This meat will make me giggle and    This meat will make me cry; This meat will make me babble and…

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KOZMIK KORNER BY LUSH GUMBALL

Q:  I am curious about ghosts. I believe that some spirits either can’t cross over or, in some cases, take their sweet time doing so. I found a story about a mom that passed and hung around her house to taunt and scare the relatives left behind that moved into her home. There were tales of sightings of feet under an unoccupied door and a voice demanding tea, pounding on walls late at night, and even the relocating of clothing? I can explain away most of the activity as the mom’s entity being ticked off that people couldn’t wait for…

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Why Christmas Might Be Cancelled . . .

While going through our email files, we came across this wonderful Christmas photograph of an ordinary American couple and the happy Christmas Chihuahua. We realize we’re either months late or even more months early, but were so impressed by the obvious love for the holiday shown in these wonderful shots that we just couldn’t resist posting them. Sharing special times with pets is important to many people, especially those who consider their pets members of their family. Notice th baby lamb (or goat) on the lap of the woman who appears as though it just wet her skirt. The man’s…

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Embarrassing Medical Exams…

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s  going to have her baby in the cab.” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – and I was in the wrong one. 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” replied the patient. 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad…

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UberMatch.com

Our crack staff takes a look at the latest computer software able to match people right down to the bulging eyes. This couple was desperately searching as individuals to find someone compatible. For years, they submitted their profile information and pictures to every available computer match company, only to face disappointment time and time again. Exhausted by myriad searches, each, not knowing one another at the time, submitted their information, as a last ditch effort, to UberMatch.com. Low and behold, it’s love at first sight! Related posts: Teamwork

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INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman

POST OFFICE DELIVERS NEWS:  Rev. Rudolph Daniels Sr., of New Jersey,had withdrawn $5000 to give to his children as a late Christmas present. He says he lost the wallet while walking home in a snowstorm. A postal worker found the wallet with the money and Daniels’ identification, and returned to the post office who contacted the reverend. The worker refused a reward. This proves definitively the postal service is not affiliated with the government. ALL GOD’S CHILDREN NEWS: A Catholic priest in Rhode Island was counseling teenagers when he told one he hoped the child rot in Hell. The priest…

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Curmudgeon Corner

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: LAUGHTER “By nothing do men show their character more than by the things they laugh at.” Johan Wolfgang Von Goethe “If we may believe our logicians, man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter.” Joseph Addison “Man is the only creature endowed with the power of laughter; is he not…

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Another Big Picture Page

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at UFOs and the claims of sightings by ordinary people living in and near Sedona, AZ.. Pictured left is Bell Rock, a well known landmark in the Village of Oak Creek some seven miles south of Sedona. For decades, Bell Rock has been believed to be some sort of refueling station for visiting  extraterrestrial vessels. Some believe Bell Rock has like a garage underground to repair UFOs. Denny Mandeville, the owner of Canyon Automotive in Sedona, doubts the claims. “We have state of the art equipment here and our training is as…

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Typical Excentric Reader

This month’s typical Excentric Readers is Jacob Bloch, pictured on vacation in La Jolla California. He had hoped for an escape from what was supposed to be winter weather, ending up here with his favorite paper. Though we are not sure the exact location Jacob was vacationing from, we get a sense he was escaping from Northern Arizona. We tried a Facebook search for Jacob, but were unable to locate him. We are just happy Jacob took the time to email us his picture and hope he had a great vacation. How bad could it have been? He did, after…

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Sedona Senior Olympics

Four Meter Fall Down and Get Up Trials All-U-Can-Eat Light Breakfast Buffet Relay Lazy Boy Recliner Nap Off The Limbo Pole Low Jump Belly-Up-To-The-Bar Shotput Eating, Sleeping and Pill-Taking Triathalon Two Hour Let Your Fingers Do The Walking Phone-Off Back Yard Barbecue Skewer Toss Macarena Marathon Adjusting Your Truss vs. Adjusting Your Trust Bank Vaulting Backing Car Out Of Post Office Parking Lot Contest Hot Tub Water Polo Wine Tasting For Mixed Doubles Synchronized Wading Golf Cart Drag Racing Memory Marathon Jumping While High Automobile Directional Signal Turn-A-Thon Related posts: Sedona Vortex Experiences Retiring in Sedona Sedona Alien Party Cancelled…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

THE 500 YEAR OLD WOMAN It could have been a typo, but    My screen declared it true: “500 Year Old Women Would    Just Love To Dine With You!” Five hundred year old women!  Wow!    I’ve never dated one! But, dinner conversations might    Just turn out to be fun! She might have camped at Jamestown or    Baked clams at Plymouth Rock! She might have posed for Rembrandt or    Sung lullabies to Bach! She might have dated Jan Vermeer    Or eaten Cromwell’s hens! She might have peeked at Richelieu    Through Galileo’s lens! But, Thomas…

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KOZMIK KORNER BY LUSH GUMBALL

Q:  It seems that the popularity of True Blood and Vampire Diaries, and especially the enormous success of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series has contributed to the surge of vampire wanna-bees. Groups are forming celebrating with those from the Goth community in an attempt to fulfill some inner spiritual need. Are these people out there drinking blood? A: Personally, I think these people are out there, but basically harmless. Q: I read that different countries have records of wee people existing on their lands. The Irish have leprechauns, Scandinavians have trolls and Icelanders have their elves. Recent sightings by people in…

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Advertising For Beginners

The Sedona Excentric investigative team looks into advertising practices in some foreign countries. Now that China has determined to move its farmers and ranchers off their land and into apartments built for the masses by the government, other Asian countries are considering becoming less dependent on imports and more self-sufficient at the expense of their citizens’ independence. If these women are to survive as owners of a spare tire company, they need to come up with an advertising plan to attract major auto makers. They make little tires that come with new vehicles – the ones that you should only…

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Legal Matters, But So Do Brains

The following 20 questions were asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and in certain cases the responses given by the insightful witnesses as reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association lawyers Journal. 1) “Now Dr., isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?” 2) “The youngest son, the 20-year-old, hold is he?” 3) “Were you present when your picture was taken?” 4) “Were you alone or by yourself?” 5) “Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?” 6) “Did he kill you?” 7)…

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An Excentric Look Into The Future

In May, our crack Excentric staff takes a look at new clothing accessories designed to accommodate young apartment dwellers who are pet friendly. Many areas prohibit pets, either due to space limitations or potty issues. To this day, some pet lovers refuse to carry litter lifting bags. The answer is  dog poop power. Most collected feces currently go in the trash and to landfills. They release methane gas, a significant contributor to climate change. In 2010, a dog park in Cambridge, Mass., brought in a methane digester. Dog waste now powers streetlights, a tea cart and popcorn machine. Even though…

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The Gateway to Cornville

Sedona Excentric World staff members take a look at how the upper crust of Cornville lives. People from this rural area are known around the globe for their devil-may-care lifestyle, fancy-schmancy vehicles and weekly no-tie cocktail parties until the sun comes up or everyone passes out. Now, many Sedonans, disappointed and disillusioned by the once happening, hippy laden, New Age artist retirement colony, are leaving the city in droves to relocate to the land of the unpretentious party animals. “These people simply have not forgotten how to have a good time,” a bartender at the Page Springs Restaurant was overheard…

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Inside The News . . . by David Fidelman

THAT’S A CROC NEWS: Crocodiles, it has been discovered, climb to keep a lookout on their territory and to warm themselves in the sun. They also use sticks and twigs to simulate a nest on their snouts to catch birds. This new discovery will force scientists to renew the way way they make conclusions from extinct files. Some say it may be possible extinct even-toed ungulates actually took to the skies. in layman terms that translates into pigs flying. STUCK UP NEWS: An Oregon man placed an emergency call to 911 to demand immediate assistance. It seems his wife’s jacket…

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Increase the Minimum Wage!

Our Excentric Investigative Staff take a look  at the reasoning behind keeping the minimum wage at or below poverty level. While the richest 1% of wage earners in the United States had massive increases in their salaries and bonuses, the rest of the country has experienced stagnating incomes. Meanwhile, costs of everything from milk and bread to veggies and meat. While shopping, our staff noticed that companies who seemed to keep their products at or near the same prices of recent years past are offering smaller amounts in smaller in smaller containers, thereby tricking the average buyer  and keeping them…

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Bullying in the Animal Kingdom

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at bullying. For centuries, humans have been known to pick on the most vulnerable. Often, a crowd would gather to encourage the stronger person to tease, taunt and sometimes physically attack an inferior person often unable to defend themselves. Whether it was stealing someone’s lunch money or giving them a wedgy, it was meant to humiliate and hurt. Now, with social media, people are using computers and cell phones to harass, embarrass, and mentally scar others to make themselves seem more powerful. Once thought limited to humans, bullying now has been observed…

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