August 20, 2018

Excentric Look into The Future

In November, our staff takes a look at automobile repairs performed by owners. Rather than pay professionals to replace their bumpers, car owners are rummaging through the scrap yards, pulling out the old bungee cords, duct tape and super glue and hitting the roads again. Keep your distance. Looking around the country, our staff has observed a noticeable increase in wood paneling on motor vehicles. This is not the kind your grandpa used to have on the sides of his station wagon, but more a display of plywood and particle boards designed to hold their vehicles together. Related posts: An…

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Inside The News

NOT DEAD YET NEWS: A man, declared dead in 1994, has tried unsuccessfully to undo his death. Even as he stood in court last year providing evidence of his existence, a Hancock County judge turned down a request to bring him back to life, citing a three-year limit for changing a death ruling. But the Social Security Administration accepts his new life and wants his two daughters to return more than $47,000 to cover benefits they received. THUNDERBIRD NEWS: A Texas woman allegedly stole a bottle of $3.99 wine from a convenience store to get arrested and see her jailed…

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Time To Show A Little Respect , , ,

Too often, it’s too easy to poke fun at our elder community. We need to spend more time getting their stories and learning from them, not about technological toys, but life. We need to learn more about love, traditions, compassion and priorities. If only we would take the time to listen to their stories of times gone by. While advancements are made technologically with every generation at a pace that is at times unfathomable, as humans, we would benefit more from understanding our past than reinventing our future. Even Albert Einstein saw this dilemma when he said, “I fear the…

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Do Blondes Really Have More Fun?

The Sedona Excentric Task Force takes a look at adages and puts them to the Myth or Fact Test. We are more thorough than the typical tests done by typical testers. Take the adage that blondes have more fun. It must first be accepted that most blondes achieve their hair color from a bottle. It is usually easy to detect, as there are other body parts with hair that are of natural origin – like the eyebrows. In order to discover whether or not there is more fun had by natural blondes, our staff members went as far back as…

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Kozmik Korner by Lush Gumball

Q:  I read the strangest thing. Some guy with a drinking problem lost his front partial between visiting a bar and a bank. His girlfriend accused him of puking them off into a toilet and flushing them away. He couldn’t recall where they got off to. A year later, after the couple had separated, he was visiting her. She woke one morning to find his teeth sitting in her kitchen sink. He accused her of swiping them and making him miserable. She contends they were returned by prankster spirits. What do you think? A: Prankster spirits, drinking problem – funny!…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

THREE DAYS A terminal condition called Old Age is on my tail! With three days left to live I feel Great pressure not to fail! And, so, I have decided to be Happy ’til the end! — To smile and laugh and giggle ’til I finally ascend! And, if, three days from now I find I’m still not drawing flies, I’ll tack another three days on And postpone my goodbyes. And, three days hence, if once again I’m still not feeding worms, I’ll add another three to find I’ve lately come to terms With something that’s eluded me! It’s simple,…

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A Dedication and Remembrance!

Every September since 2001, we have placed this picture on this page in memory of first responders and unsung heroes of everyday life in America. We tend to forget what makes us special. We are the people that run toward the fire to help someone in need. we are the people that reach out a hand to help someone up who is down. We are the people who, in spite of color, religious and political differences, march together against social injustice. We are the people who demand the right to vote, the right to peacefully assemble, the right to pursue…

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TOP 10 Darwin Awards . . . Unbelievable

10. It was reported that in Australia in 1989 a Kung-Fu student tried to take on a lion at the Melbourne zoo in one on one, man to cat combat. As confirmed, the highly unbelievable story goes, during his martial arts class the instructor commented on how well the class was doing and how they were “ready to take on the wild animals.” One young gentleman decided to try his hand at lion fighting. The irony is that his hands were the only things left when the lions were finished with him. 9. You are locked out of your house…

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New Immigrant Requirements

Not known for their rippling abdomens, migratory workers are now being forced to resort to wearing these new ready made rubberized six-pack abs. The owner of an Arizona pecan grove interviewed these two migratory workers to pick his nuts. Observing their superb physique, the plantation grower and processor was so impressed he hired both men on the spot. Of course, following pecan harvesting season, they, like other migrant workers, will be forced to move on to pick something else.   Related posts: Latest in Apartment Living Crackdown on Immigration The Curse of 2611 West Highway 89A The Government, Part Whatever,…

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Excentric Look Into The Future

In October, our staff takes a look at the matching of pets with their guardians. As one can easily determine from this photo, the facial features of this woman are similar to the expression offered by the mastiff taking up the entire back seat of the vehicle. Comparisons of guardians of tropical fish proved to be more difficult to pair. Related posts: An Excentric Look Into The Future Excentric Look into The Future An Excentric Look Into The Future An Excentric Look Into The Future

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Cheap Halloween

In October, Excentric staff members take a look at people who celebrate Halloween without spending money on costumes or masks. In today’s economy people are finding many ways to cut back. Some are cooking at home more often, no matter how bad the food tastes, while others have reduced the amount of cash they normally would lay out for various non-essentials. This lovely woman is a perfect example of someone looking to save their hard earnings for something other than a disguise for All Hallows Eve. It appears she is going for the local Chupa Cabra look alike. With her…

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INSIDE THE NEWS by David Fidelman

BAD AFLAC NEWS: A New Hampshire woman who called police after stopping in a highway median to help some stranded ducklings plans to fight a $44 ticket. The only reason the police showed up was because the woman called them after braking to avoid killing the ducks. The mother and many ducklings had been run over and lay dead on the highway. Hopefully, this cop doesn’t have any animals at home. WRONG DOOR NEWS: Police say a man who fled from a Mississippi traffic stop was apparently so focused on getting away he unknowingly ran into a law enforcement academy….

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Curmudgeon Corner

cur-mudg-eon (cur-muj’un), n. [origin unknown] 1. archaic: a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man. 2. modern: anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner. This month’s subject: HONESTY “I hold the maxim no less applicable to public than to private affairs, that honesty is the best policy.” George Washington “Honest people don’t hide their deeds.” Emily Bronte “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” Sigmund Freud “The truth is never dangerous. Except when told.” Philip Moeller “An honest man…

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Someone Please Send Me A Sign . . .

Any wonder people are confused when it comes to trusting signs? Whether it’s placed by a state, federal or local agency, it is a job often going to the lowest bidder and rarely supervised by the group writing the check. Rather than remove the red sign pictured below, the town who had a change of council that decided it was wrong to prohibit pets from being allowed in front of their offices, instead submitted a new contract for a sign permitting pets as long as they were leashed. The road sign is a bit more confusing. While directing drivers to…

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Big Picture Page

The Sedona Excentric Task Force captures a moment. Upon realizing he had just signed away the opportunity for another championship NBA title, Lebron James says goodbye to Miami, Florida and hello to Cleveland, Ohio – again. While he is going home to the Cavaliers, people who thought he was part of their Florida family are beyond shocked and dismayed. One man who painted a mural of James and the other Heat players covered up James’ face in anger. Some thought this photo was taken when James won his first championship ring. Others believe the photo was taken after he read…

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Doug “Rabbit” Sutherland, Minister of Reality

GLUTEN DEPENDENCY  I’ve taken up the mantle in    Defense of noble wheat Which, at the hands of gluten, may    Face ultimate defeat! Although I’ve suffered bloating and    Fatigue and canker sores, Joint pain and diarrhea and    Bad dreams and gagging snores And changes in behavior and    Small fractures of my head And bulky stools and rashes when    I glimpse a crumb of bread, And know that these are symptoms in    “The Celiac Checklist Of Glutenesque Intolerance,”    But, still, I must resist, For in my fluffy, rising soul    I am a gluten…

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The Truth Behind Contrails

The Sedona Excentric crack staff members take a look at the heretofore unexplained increase in contrails in the skies above the Verde Valley. Our crack staff members sat perched high in a tree for weeks, descending only to eat and use the potty. Our people were armed with really long straws, hoping to catch super-sonic jets in action spewing toxic artificial vapor clouds to be tested by experts to discern their chemical content. In the late 1990s, theories cropped up about the government spraying chemicals in to the atmosphere for a variety of reasons.Some believed they were attempting to control…

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Darwin Awards . . . Stored in the Archives

Ten examples of some of the dumbest criminals. All of them were American citizens. Go figure. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked….. The chef at a Swiss hotel lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting, negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the…

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Scotch With Water

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotchwith two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says ‘I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.’ The bartender says ‘Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.’ As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says ‘I would like to buy you a drink, too.’ The old woman says ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.’ ‘Coming up’ says the…

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Excentric Look Into The Future…

In September, our staff takes a look at the luck of the Irish. Find a 4-leaf clover and enjoy good luck and prosperity forever. For even better luck, kiss the blarney stone or catch a leprechaun. For the best luck of all, find the pot o’ gold at the end of a rainbow. Just remember, that more often than not, the pot will contain something not quite as valuable as gold. Whatever you do, don’t kiss it. Related posts: Excentric Look into The Future Excentric Look Into The Future An Excentric Look Into The Future An Excentric Look Into The…

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