October 21, 2018

Horoscopes for November 18-24, 2012

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ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Getting your way will come easier this month. Asking people to comply by threatening to release your ferret up their pants leg seems to be getting the job done.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

This November, you will need to see a doctor about a sudden case of hyperactivity. Later you will confess to eating all the candy you bought for trick-or-treaters.

GEMINI (May 21 -June 20)

This is the time of year when family gathers to celebrate and share good times. Unfortunately, your family all voted the other way and hate you for being right.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Walk away from the work at hand by taking your breaks—move, climb stairs, view the sky, etc. You’ll still lose your job, but you’ll feel much better about it.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Challenges are what help us grow, learn about ourselves, others and improve our problem-solving skills. Perhaps you should work your way up to accepting a duel.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

A cycle of romance and family is present today, emphasizing a need for security and a sense of roots. Don’t interpret this as an okay to date your cousin. Perv.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Family, home, relatives and real estate play a big part in your life at this time. A distant relative may depart this plane without a will, creating quite the family feud.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

This is an excellent time to concentrate on project planning, education, publishing or the import-export business, or gardening or reading. It’s just an excellent time.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

With a good mind for business and a strong desire to become financially secure, you might enjoy working in the world of finance in say, oh, the year 2010.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Someone you love, or are infatuated with, is changing in fundamental ways. Your first clue will be seeing them at dinner in a lip lock with one of your grandparents.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Health goals are important and you may seriously want to look into optional avenues to better health. Slowly work your way up to leeches and snake venom.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Meeting yourself in another person is the keynote of a new cycle that begins now. Of course, you’ll be dressed differently, so you won’t recognize yourself at first.

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