October 18, 2017

Horoscopes for June 30-July 6, 2013

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ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

This month, your neighbor builds a 3-hole putting green in his basement. Not to be outdone, you will begin plans to construct a driving range in your living room.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

You may have a hoarding compulsion. But, in your case, it actually could save you money, as fashion trends seem to resurface about every 20 years or so. Diet!

GEMINI (May 21 -June 20)

It is time to send letters to all those who are close to you in mind, but far away in distance. By the time some receive them, you’ll have forgotten who they were.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

There may be a spiritual reward for you in June, when you discover the first statue of the Virgin Mary, not weeping, but laughing hysterically and pointing a finger.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Many people have changed their names in the age of Aquarius. You seek a Native American guide to rename you. Unfortunately, he comes up with Passing Wind.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Be prepared for anything! Jupiter is in Saturn’s 5th House, Venus and Mars are struggling over retrograde dates and the Moon is waxing and waning at will.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

This is the month when everyone either has a picnic or an outdoor reception planned. Whatever you do, don’t eat the brownies. Yep, it’s a sugar thing.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

In today’s topsy-turvy world, where everything seems upside down and sideways, you will spend serious time contemplating the total absence of thought.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

This may not be a good time to spill your guts and tell everyone exactly what you think of them. Unless, of course, you want them to spill your guts.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

You will lose your job, your home, your family, even your dog, but someone finds the happy place amidst all that and reminds you you have your health. Big whoop!

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

This is a good time to start using a new mantra. Practice saying, “Whatever suits you, tickles me plum to death.” And drop that old saying,”Que sera sera.”

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Every month you turn to these pages and see if your horoscope holds something positive for Pisces. One word – Ain’t Gonna Happen. Okay, that’s three words.

Related posts:

Horoscopes for October 27-November 2, 2013
Horoscopes for August 4-10, 2013
Horoscopes for August 3-9, 2014
Xtra Special Horoscopes for April 21-28, 2013
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