August 20, 2018

Horoscopes for January 6-12, 2013

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ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Dreams do come true. If you’re doubtful, trust your antennae and wait. Of course, people will tend to stare at you if you attach aluminum foil for better reception.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

You’ ll be bitten by the travel bug in January. Unfortunately, it will be venomous and force you to stay close to home and drink yucky tasting green liquids.

GEMINI (May 21 -June 20)

You begin the New Year with more money than expected. Surprisingly, many of your Christmas gift included receipts, making them easy to return for cash.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Mercury’s three-week retrograde in your house of intimate matters will make it quite difficult for you to perform off-duty chores, if you know what I mean.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

January Moon phases could mean you’ll become an item with someone who’s not from your neck of the woods, nor your leg of the woods, nor your arm, etc.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

You’ll suck up to The Powers that Be this month in hopes of getting that big promotion. It looks good until The Powers That Be become The Powers That Were.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Be prepared, like a good scout. Four planets will make their way through your house of love affairs this month. Make sure you have plenty of protection on hand.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Jupiter will enter romantic Pisces later in January, resulting in a barrage of rumors and innuendo. Before you know it, you’ll be linked to Tiger Woods’s hazards.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Mercury retrograde, a Solar eclipse and a general lack of personal hygiene will have friends and loved ones furthering their distance from you. Oh well.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

It’s been a while since you’ve really concentrated on saving money. It’s time to establish a budget. This should be easy – nothing coming in, nothing going out.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Qualities such as duty, respectability, responsibility and, most important, the determination to keep every promise you make odd and ostracized this month.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Put some distance between you and all parties concerned until after the 15th. After that, run like the wind, Pisces. Chance are you have really ticked someone off.

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